Everything's Coming Up Roses
by eloquentfever
Summary: Repost. During Cooper's audition, Blaine accidentally lands the role of Peeta from the Hunger Games, becoming an intentionally known celebrity icon. Blaine has to deal with sudden fame. Cooper's and Blaine's relationship worsens. Kurt suffers from the tabloid negativing highlighting him. Sebastian & Chandler suffer a setback in their toxic relationship. Klaine, Sebandler.
1. Chapter 1 – We're Just Beginning

_this is a repost. firstly. also, secondly, this is both two pairings. Klaine and Sebandler, but Sebandler here is very one-sided. Chandler's character doesn't appear until much later. this thing i think is about 38 chapters and Chandler's character is introduced in the 13th. c: _

_**prewritten notes:** **warnings for discussings of surgery, fall-outs with Klaine, Coopblaine, character death, Sebandler angst, eating disorders, same sex relationships, cousin-cousin relationship, abuse, alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide and angst all around**. i think there are several topics here that as sensitive. also, this contains **spoilers for the Hunger Games** if you haven't seen the movie._

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_Chapter 1 – We're Just Beginning_

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_Blaine's POV_

The morning sunshine pooled at the front of my doorway – it was that scent that somehow crossed between bright red roses, white warblers, and a distinctive scent of lavender from Kurt's perfume hanging in the air like a soft sweet lullaby to lull me to sleep – and in this case, wake me up. I slowly found myself staring at the colourless white ceiling, mind foggy with no thought process as the heaviness of the sleep weighed my head down to the fuzzy, fluffy pillow.

This scent was the scent of the first day of summer. It was the very first day of the freedom that will somehow encompass my body, and take over it serenely. I stayed in the quiet, feeling the rumbled sheets of my bed provide me with solace, and sweet comfort. My calendar hung smoothly by my wall, with dates that were marked by gold stickers to Rachel's insistence and scribbled with her very small cursive handwriting that I could not read half the time. I unsteadily made my way towards the calendar, and allowed a small smile to my face. It was now the twenty-second of May, the first proper day of summer, and Cooper promised to spend two entire weeks with me starting tomorrow, taking me across Hollywood.

Rachel and Kurt's eyes were nearly glittering with so much imagination and they found the excitement I was supposed to muster. In reality, I was simply thrilled to see my brother and get even closer after years of our disjointed relationship as my heart had no real love for acting and Hollywood as it did for Broadway. It had taken a long time for Coop and I to get here, and I just wanted to make sure that we stayed strong by creating memories of us together that did not include me stealing his hairbrush, him screaming at me for not being good enough during our performances and us fighting over the last link of Italian sausage that rested on our white breakfast plate.

Rachel had given me her camera, telling me to take _many_ pictures and record everything that went on, and to that, Kurt had given me his video camera. He lectured me about my wardrobe, and had told me, as to quote him, '_honey, leave the bow-ties at home unless you want to get strangled by someone's bodyguard by them…now…I'm going to let you borrow my Burberry shoes…and…_' Kurt's intentions were for merely looking out for _my_ best interest, as I was somewhat sure that if I truly did show up in a bow-tie, I'd be thrown off set. Plus, Cooper teased me all too much about my slight 'obsession' with believing that to compliment every singular article of clothing I do wear, I _must_ have a bow-tie, or else I would feel naked.

I honestly did feel naked without my bow-ties in the trolley, but I rechecked that everything was packed, just once more before I'd gone downstairs. Mother and Father were sitting across from each other, as my Father sipped a cup of French vanilla and had invited me to the table, holding up a full, still-warm cup of French vanilla for myself. I inhaled the intoxicating scent, before diving into the warmth of the cup.

"My baby's going to _LA_," my Mother said, eyes shimmering with extreme pride, but if you knew my Mother, you knew that there was so much fear and doubt pooling into those brown eyes.

I smiled at them both, as I allowed my fingers to play with the handle of my mug. My Father slapped my shoulder in some sort of pseudo-encouragement, and then stated, "_No_ boys."

"Dad, _Cooper's_ a boy," I teased him, causing him to roll his eyes, as I went back to divulging in the warm cup. Whilst it may be summer, I still appreciated how warm the cup was. My Mother believed that times of summer were times of making sure the thermostat was on its lowest possible temperature so I found myself frequently wearing thick cotton (slightly colourful) socks around the house as to exempt my feet from freezing, or turning blue from the iciness of the lingering environment.

"Honey, do you have your passport ready?"

"Yes."

"And you and Cooper are sure the flight is at nine pm?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Are you sure you'll have enough time if you meet by seven?"

"Quite," I nodded once more to ensure my Mother's suspicions as she sighed in pure relief, before nodding towards me. I sat down to enjoy my last breakfast with my family for two entire weeks, whereas my Mother had prepared me my favourite breakfast of chocolate-chip honey-encrusted waffles topped with golden syrup and ice-cream, which was as Kurt would call it 'a calorific disaster' but I indulged anyway, wiping away each sugary sweet bite with a shot of acrid coffee.

There was a knock at the door, and my Mother answered it, as I was halfway through consuming my meal. To my _lack_ of shock, Kurt was standing there, looking joyful and pleased, and holding a white _Harvey Nichols_ bag that contained what looked like a very black and pressed outfit on the inside, as he pulled out its content. He pulled out a pristine off-white leisure shirt, a silky brown-and-cream thin weaved scarf and micro-cotton white pants, all _Tom Ford_ clothing that made me want to shudder.

"You are going to wear this – this…this is _real_ silk, Blaine_, real silk_," Kurt finally stated, then turned to my parents as if just noticing they were there. "Hello, Mr and Mrs Anderson."

My Father nodded towards Kurt, and then turned to me. "Now, Blaine, don't _ruin_ Kurt's clothes because I _know_ the price tag of _that_ and I'm not gonna pay."

"Hello, Kurt, sweetie," my Mother pitched in, offering Kurt a plate, and from the way that she'd prepared the plate, I knew that she had a quite strong feeling that Kurt was going to come over. Throughout the months, my parents had grown accustomed to understanding Kurt, and he'd been talking about Cooper and I's plans for LA for months, and Rachel and him had been planning it out so well that Rachel had given me her pink notebook that had all the dates and places I should go to written and had left an entire separate purple journal for recordings. She knew that I would fill it out, even if it was a reluctant type of filling out because I was a gentleman at heart and couldn't resist to Rachel's very strong desperate pleas.

Kurt sat down on the table, and then took a bite of the combination of waffle, ice-cream, chocolate chip and syrup and then looked in bliss. "This is delicious."

I grinned at him.

"I'm gonna gain a pound," Kurt then muttered, causing me to erupt with laughter at Kurt's very typical banter, whilst he managed to brush his lips into a very chaste manner in front of my parents. My Father was eying Kurt deathly, as if suggesting to him that that kiss must not lead to other activities in the bedroom, but Kurt knew his limits around my parents. Very small amounts of PDA were accepted, but however, the time where he'd caught me and Kurt heavily making out on his and my Mother's bed was _not_ acceptable. "Blaine, when Cooper's gonna see you today in _that_ outfit, he won't even recongise you. He'd think you'd finally advanced into current fashion."

"Kurt, did you get your sanity checked?" I joked, causing him to just roll his eyes at me, and then my mind drifted to last night at random, and I finally stated. "Sebastian even called me yesterday about the trip."

Kurt's eyes burned with ignited hatred for the 'supposed' reformed Warbler as I nodded towards him, feeling the exact same coldness burn into my stomach. "What did he say?" I blushed and Kurt immediately knew it was something that he did _not_ want to know. Actually, he'd told me that fucks in LA were fun, and that I should try to behave nonetheless because they were all scornful bitches, suggesting that I was the one that wasn't able to contain myself. I had rolled my eyes at that statement, and could _feel_ his smirk against his face as he went on about telling me about his time in LA. The way he'd described running off the metro with a guy, or fucking him against his car was _exciting_—but I couldn't imagine myself running off the metro with a male prostitute when Cooper was around. He would destroy me. Hell, I would destroy me.

Puck sent me a text threatening me to tell about LA, so I had a mental note about sending him a text when I return, and then Finn tentatively had asked me about how LA was like, so I also made a mental note about having a small phone call with him when I returned. It was not very much a lazy day, as Kurt went over the clothing that I'd chosen, sometimes throwing off some staple items I'd chosen, mumbling something about not needing neon belts unless I wanted to be detected from outer-space, and then replaced it in perfect manner, as I'd noticed that the _Harvey Nichols_ back was still filled with clothing. By the time it struck four, Kurt had reorganised my trolley whilst I talked to Nick, Jeff, David and Trent over the phone, and jovially joking with them whilst Kurt sent many glares, stating that he was _not_ doing this for himself and that I should be helping but whenever I did start helping, statements like "that does not go there!" and "no, no, no, you're folding it wrong—you're gonna get wrinkles all over my blazer!"—but for some reason, it made me endear him more. By the time that he was finally done and the frustration was out of the way, he visibly relaxed and then grabbed my arms, bringing me close and then pressing his lips against mine.

I wondered how it would be like in NYADA. I would be standing there in a few months' time, beside Kurt, watching him quarrel about Chanel, Prada and Burberry staples, and wondering which to take, and I would be the one with the empty heart, whilst my boyfriend visited an entirely new city that was not on the map. I found myself taking joy in every kiss, almost finding myself wondering about how much I'd miss those soft lips and those beautiful blue eyes that held so much glassy colour and emotion. I pulled away, just to stare at them one final time, before the warm voice of my parents laughing sent tingles down my spine, and then Cooper shooting another joke, which made me slightly chuckle.

"We don't have to go downstairs if you don't want to," I said hurriedly, "I'll be seeing Cooper for two weeks."

Kurt nodded, went downstairs to bring us some plates, informing his parents of our plans, and when he returned with a tray of two plates – this time Cooper's favourite, pasta with shrimp, and a tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice I'd noticed, as Kurt sat down beside me. We laughed, talked, and spent our time watching a movie that Kurt insisted on watching, before he pulled a black book out of his bag, showing off the Hunger Games' trilogy book, _Catching Fire_, as he read whilst I ate. Kurt, for a very healthy person, ate as quickly as his Father and Finn, which made me slightly laugh sometimes, whilst I, whilst I ate a less healthy diet than Kurt, spent too much time on food, which Kurt believed was a habit I'd taken from Sebastian, and then suggested I was spending too much time being French, causing me to laugh.. He wanted anything to blame Sebastian over sometimes. We stayed there in silence, Kurt reading and then bookmarking when I was done, no matter where he was on the page, and then kissing me. He pulled away from me and then stated. "You have to go. We could've spent time with each other, _but_—you decided to be French. Sebastian—"

I left before Kurt can finish this statement, causing Kurt to cross his arms at me. _"Blaine Anderson!" _

I laughed as I'd left, and then turned to go downstairs. Cooper just said something like 'all packed and ready to go, little brother?" before turning to my bedroom to get my trolley. I, as Cooper instructed in his email, Facebook update, and text, went to the car and waited for Cooper to unload everything as he drove us there. In the airport, Cooper had spent a good half hour making commotion of why he needed to take off his belt and the woman kindly explaining (and silently fangirling) that it was a metal detector and she had to be sure that the belt was the only thing that went off, so Cooper took off his belt and her eyes practically widened two centimetres as she took the exposed abs, whilst he put the belt through the conveyer belt. He had too many people asking for autographs, whilst I sipped my Campfire Mocha from Caribou Coffee. My Mother had been right in asking us if it was enough time because by the time that Cooper finishing signing the last and final autograph (and ignoring me in turn for his fans), I'd lost a little bit of hope that Cooper and I would be able to spend much time together.

However, in the plane, the first thing he'd said was, "still afraid of flying, Blainey?" joking around and pushing me playfully as he led me to our seat. He made me sit next to the window, and watch the take-off as to prove that I wasn't. And when I didn't burst into tears and scream "_WE'RE GOING TO DIE_", he lifted his hand up in to the air and nodded approvingly. "Little Blainey's growing up, eh?"

I grinned at him, as he and I played _x's_ and _o's_ on his iPad as we'd be in the flight for around five hours according to Cooper. When we'd reached a tie of me and him winning twenty-nine games, Cooper finally said. "Okay, if I win this game, you're the one that's rubbing my feet before I sleep. If you win, I'm going to let you pick where we eat tomorrow."

When I'd successfully noticed Cooper's strategy, we'd hit a tie. We went on through another five games of being in a tie before I won, causing Cooper to curse. We had dinner silently (well, Cooper complained about air-plane food and said something close to 'do they not know who I am?') causing me to laugh as I watched him play with his small cup of chocolate-cheesecake saying something about how it was bland and tasted like jack shit. I was content so I said nothing at all. But by the time it was nearing our landing, I'd noticed I've been sluggishly pressing my head against Cooper's shoulder, nearly half-asleep. We'd left nine and landed at two am, and the world was foggy, black and vast by that time. I'd fallen asleep on the chair waiting for Cooper's LA friend, Andrea.

"Blaine, Andrea Smythe," and that was when I'd shaken her hand and even through the half-asleep state of mind I was at, I caught the last name fairly quick, as I'd taken in the eyes – brown eyes, nothing like Sebastian's and curly chopped blonde hair.

"Any…any relation to Sebastian Smythe?"

Andrea immediately grinned. "He's my little brother!"

_This was not a matter of coincidence,_ Kurt's voice shouted into my head, causing me to smile, at memory of what Kurt would say at such a situation, _she must be a spy. Sebastian Smythe's sister is just like him. Watch out, Blaine. _Cooper stared at me as I continued to smile. "Come on. My bro's drugged. He needs sleep before he starts to serenade you."

"Why would that be bad—?"

"He's a gay Dalton freak."

"Oh! That's how he knew Sebastian I'm guessing—"

"NO! I am not one of Sebastian's…er…" thinking of Sebastian constantly fucking men in Scandals, "…_that_."

"That? I was going to say you were a Warbler."

"Used to be," Cooper suddenly spoke instead of me. "That's how you know him?"

"…you can say that?" I didn't want to talk about Sebastian especially with how my heavy my eyelids were. Cooper finally said, "We'll talk about that tomorrow. Come on, drive us to our apartment."

When Cooper and Andrea had led me to their apartment, I barely made it to the room that Cooper was leading me too, noticing a huge king-sized bed as I collapsed. Cooper just shook his head and then told me to take off my shoes, which I didn't do. Cooper hit me with his pillow playfully as I curled up, barely able to function whilst I robotically took off my shoes and tossed them anywhere, not really looking, as I groggily watched Cooper staring at me whilst rolling his eyes as he asked Andrea if she wanted to go to a casino when I fell asleep—apparently, I was not the life of anything when it was past one am, still used to sleeping earlier with what all life in my household being wiped out the minute it hid midnight and there was little that I liked to do when nobody was alive, it brought some sort of heaviness in my eyes most times to be honest.

I heard Cooper say something close to the lines of "we're just beginning" as I finally doused off to sleep, letting the darkness overtake me along with glittering dreams I'd acquired from Kurt and Rachel about the mysterious and glamorous spotlights that seemed to shine on my face, or it was that Chinese take-out place's lights shining right against my place as I dreamed.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	2. Chapter 2 – Unstoppable Force of Fame

_to **CrissColferCrowe**, thanks, babe! i think my...writing style is kind of annoying so the fact that you can bear it is amazing! xD. to **PenMagic**, i have never been to the US/Europe. is it? :o awesome. xD. so this chap is in Coop's point of view, aka beware of severe cussing and things i can't remember. oh and Nicolas Cage warning for no reason at all.  
_

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_Chapter 2 – Unstoppable Force of Fame_

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_Cooper's POV_

Broadway was fucking dead.

Damn it if I didn't steal Blaine's phone to notice all of the musical-related songs, stopping at _Phantom of the Opera_ before rolling my eyes. If Blaine got a part playing even a fucking maid in _Phantom of the Opera_, he'd jizz his pants. Actually, I didn't want to think about my brother _jizzing_ his pants—ew. I didn't think Blaine was capable of even thinking dirty for a second really anyway. The kid didn't have a filthy bone in his body—he was as pristine our Mom's china (which was never used, I still didn't get how that worked).

I watched as Blaine woke up from his slumber of the dead, and then quickly went to shower. He screamed because there was a cockroach there or something and then bolted out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hips until Andrea had decided to kill the offending insect, and then Blaine had tentatively looked around the bathroom for any signs of insects before he went back to showering, which I didn't get because from when he bolted to the bathroom, I could swear he was clean enough (how clean did you need to be anyway? Who showered for _an hour_?), and then Blaine had stepped from the bathroom, grinning sheepishly. I didn't shower, because God knew if there was any more hot water left after Blaine's visit to the bathroom and as when we were kids, I made sure the heater was on and decided to shower later.

Andrea mentioned her standard procedure, really. Andrea wanted to make sure of Blaine's health (I wondered how she acted around her bro Sebastian if she wanted to make sure to give Blaine a routine Doctor's visit from the local Doc when I kept on telling her he was fine and he didn't secretly have any infection that we didn't have to worry about), Andrea hated being blamed for things. I really didn't want to be her brother, damn. I told Blaine we'd get breakfast afterwards. The Doctor's visit was okay.

"EGC is normal."

"Yeah, okay," I said. Dude, what the hell was an EGC anyway? I found him taking Blaine's blood in a vial, as Andrea checked off what they were testing for—everything basically, and I watched my baby brother grab onto my hand and refuse to look at the needle. Kid hadn't changed a bit.

"Still afraid of needles, Blainey?" I teased.

"Shut up," Blaine mumbled, flushing a watermelon-like colour. After the Doctor took off the needle, I didn't miss Blaine's face of relaxation and relief.

"Hey, Doc, can you give him a lolly?"

Blaine just flushed even a darker shade, and he did actually give Blaine a lollipop, which my seventeen year old bro refused to take because it would make him look like a kid. The kid was a kid, which was something he'd never get. I watched him stand up so that the Doc can measure his height. "Five foot seven point five, so let's round that out to five foot eight."

I laughed. Couldn't help it. True, I wasn't like 6'3 like his boyfriend's brother (damn, people actually get that tall! Fuck!) or 6'2 like 5'2 Andrea's 'little brother' (I wondered how that worked out when your little brother's a foot taller than you). Blaine was _barely_ 5'8 – actually, he was actually 5'7.5, but hey, it was still hilarious seeing Blaine _flush_ like that. Little brother was adorable when he was a nervous, flushing mess.

"Hiya, squirt."

"Shut up."

"Come on. Cheer up. We're in LA. I can buy you a platform to kiss your boyfriend with."

Blaine just blushed even more at that, which just made me grin. Blaine made them check my height – a little above 5'11, and then his face fell as he cursed just about everyone he knew, especially stressing on how he hated kissing a standing Kurt. "Need to stand on your tippy-toes, eh?"

"Shut up," Blaine muttered again.

I rechecked my weight, where the dial told me I had a BMI of 23.0, and a weight of 165. Mother's food always made me gain weight. Dammit. The woman was an excellent cook. I made Blaine weigh himself just to make sure he didn't weigh the weight of his preteen years A reading of 142lbs and a BMI of 21.9 later, I smirked. "So, Blainey, how bad was Dalton's food?'

"I'm shorter than you. Of course I'll weigh less than you."

"Say that again." Gosh, that phrase was music to my ears. "You're…shorter than me? How much shorter?"

"You're a _bastard_."

God, I missed my little brother. I watched as he crossed his arms angrily. I drove him over for breakfast, and watched him pick at order that oatmeal health-crap that probably reminded him of his nut-job health-crazy boyfriend and then he sprinkled enough brown sugar to put a diabetic into shock, so I smiled. Yeah, same old brother with the same old _insane_ sweet tooth.

"What are you grinning at?" Apparently, he was still a little sour from all the height jokes.

"_Anyway_," Andrea rolled her eyes at my expression, knowing fully well that I'd told her countless of times that Blaine probably snorted sugar in his sleep. "So what's your strategy for this new gig? What are you auditioning to?"

"_The Hunger Games_."

Blaine's head suddenly snapped towards me and he stated. "Kurt _loved_ the first book. So freaking much. He's reading the second and is in the last few chapters only after two days of reading," Blaine muttered inaudibly, then his face brightened up significantly and I realised it was because he was talking about his adorable scary boyfriend. I suddenly felt a little challenged. I mean, sure I was amazing, great and talented, but damn, that book was known. What if I didn't fucking get the part? Then what?

I watched my brother finish off his cholesterol-rising oatmeal.

"So here's the strategy," I began, replying to Andrea. "Lie. Lie about my experience. Fucking lie."

Blaine shook his head. "No—"

"Honey, it's show business. You have to make yourself appear bigger and better than the competition, and if you've got the confidence to sell it, they'll buy it," I explained to Blaine who obviously knew knowing about show business. Damn, the kid had _Phantom of the Opera_ on his phone for God's sake and had a ringtone from the musical _Chicago_—Hell, I was seriously slightly considering not taking him but that was not professional, or cool. Plus, Mother Dearest will throw a spoon at me and cut my junk before she let me leave Blaine out. She'd say something about it being _just_ _a role_. Yeah, Mom and that wedding ring you never took off was _just an accessory_. "Also, smile like a drugged up idiot. Even if I didn't get the role. Hell, the biggest lesson in show business is to walk away with a smile – seems like I don't give a fuck about whether I did or did not land the role. Learn from me, Andy-cheeks."

Blaine just sighed.

"Same thing for Broadway, kid. Even if Broadway can dust our Granddad's shoes." Then my mind crossed another fact. "Oh, and don't eat food off the set. Biggest thing. Don't seem like you're there enjoying yourself. Kind of takes away from the fact that you are a very serious dude about your work."

"_What_?" Blaine's eyes were wide.

"Plus, don't even get me started on the amount of people that want you to lose or gain weight for your role or something…Gosh, it's the fucking _Hunger_ Games, too. I think they'd expect us to be able to stand in a set without stuffing your face with whatever shit they put up."

"That doesn't even make any sense," Blaine pursed his lower-lip. God, my brother can be such an idiot. Put simple, you didn't come there to raid their food stash, right? But Blaine didn't seem completely convinced. "Do you think you'll get the part?"

"Hell no," I laughed. There was still a bit of hope.

"Then why do you audition?"

"As a joke," Andrea stated. "But he still hopes he gets in."

"Yeah. Dude, it's the fucking Hunger Games. You think I'd be able to really get a part in there?" Damn, the things I'd do if they said yes. I didn't get my hopes up though. It was fucking Hollywood for God's sake. If I got a part as a _freaking_ _prop_ in the background in the fucking _world-wide popular_ Hunger Games, I'd be as high as a kite and still gain a lot of damn popularity. That was a given, too. "But she's right… I still hope I do."

So there was Blaine, sitting next to the food table, and picking off a cupcake just to spite me. I was waiting for an audition, kind of jittery, but not enough for such a role like this, because dammit, it was a shot in the dark. I watched Blaine eat the cupcake, crossing his legs and very relaxed. He was wearing something his boyfriend picked out for him, and had pre-planned, which was a cardigan, a crisp-white blouse and a pair of fitted trousers. He looked pretty damn good, but not as good as I did in my Gucci sunglasses, jacket, shirt, and very laid-back pants. I looked like I owned Hollywood. The sunglasses gave that feel, especially when you're sipping on a latte.

"What did I say about the cupcake?"

"Enjoy it?" Blaine teased, smirking. I could feel the eyes of a woman towards us. I didn't give a damn anymore, hearing the dude in front of me audition practically reminded me that I was nowhere near as good, so I just joked with Blaine. Didn't give a damn it was unprofessional as fuck, because no way in Hell was I getting the part and that was that. "Allow it to digest slowly?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Shhh, twinkle tops. Like you can ever play _Peeta_."

Blaine then put on a serious sympathetic face, cupcake completely forgotten as he stood up, smirking at me before he looked at the 'audience', which was non-existent before looking at me. His eyes were strong, determined as he grabbed my arms and then stated . "_You know what my mother said to me when she came to say goodbye, as if to cheer me up she says maybe district 12 will have a winner_. _Then I realized she didn't mean me…"_

Blaine paused for a second, voice lowering. "_She meant you_." He emphasised on _you_.

"Bitch, I ain't no Katniss," and then we laughed, his face completely wiped off the serious front he used for Peeta.

The woman squeaked. "Excuse me...er…" she looked at the clipboard, and then I noticed that the director and producer were staring at us with wide eyes. The boy whom was standing there, in perfect Peeta character, was ignored and they were staring at us.

"We'll leave," I muttered. "Sorry, my brother can be pretty…"

"Kid, what's your name?"

"Cooper Anderson?" I waited for him to recognise my name but then I realised he wasn't even looking at me. "You mean my little brother Blaine?"

"Blaine Anderson," the director echoed.

"Please don't throw him out—we'll leave if you…" I tried to reason with him. People didn't usually sit there in front of big shows, eat cupcakes and stare at auditions and then practically joke about playing Peeta in front of the entire cast.

"Blaine," the director repeated. "Do you mind reading for Peeta?"

"Wait," it flowed out of my lips before I can even understand. "You want him to _what_?"

Blaine looked at puzzled as I was as he slowly made his way towards the centre of the stage, in front of one of the Katniss-role girls, and this one's name was Champagne or Vodka, or Brandy or something—my mind was still splitting from the shock. Blaine? He wanted Blaine to try? Blaine…Blaine who wasn't even fucking here to audition! Fucking moral support my fucking ass! I watched him tentatively begin, and I could feel the blood in me boil.

Blaine grabbed the script and read off a random part. "_So…what happens when we get back_?"

"_I don't know. I guess we try to forget,"_ the girl responded.

"_But_," Blaine stared at her eyes, almost love-dazed. I'd say he was staring at Kurt from the way he was locking his eyes with her. _"I don't want to forget,"_ and with that, a small smile curled up his lips.

"I love that kid." The director suddenly said, looking towards the rest of the casting. "Don't you love that kid? Blaine Anderson, right?"

Blaine nodded once more, keeping quiet. They loved him? I wanted to punch my little brother. Hell, this wasn't fucking fair! I was standing there, Cooper who was _there_ to audition, who had a great deal of experience, whom was known, _humiliated_ as the cast decided to take on dear old Cooper's little brother that didn't even _want_ this. The kid was a Broadway fucking fanatic for God's sake. Dammit. _I came here_. This was _my_ life. He can't take this fucking _away from_ me. He didn't know the first fucking thing about show business. He made fun of my self-proven tips! He was eating cupcakes just two seconds ago to spite me. That little piece of shit. I hated him. I _DESPISED_ him. I despised how good he was naturally. I despised how fucking _talented_ he was and he didn't even _try_. That whore. God, I wanted to hit him so bad. It was almost like the one standing there wasn't my brother. The minute the director said those next words, _that did me in_.

"Blaine Anderson…the new Peeta Mellark. _Dazzling_! He's even got the face of a star."

I wanted to scream. This. Wasn't. Fucking. _Fair_!

"Ahem, he's still seventeen—"

The director didn't listen, as he looked at Blaine with a grin on his face. "Blaine Anderson," he grabbed his hand to shake and Blaine tentatively shook back. He didn't want this. He didn't want this at all, not as badly as I did. Not as much as I did. He didn't even…oh fuck him. "—_Welcome to showbiz_."

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	3. Chapter 3 – The Hunger Games Trailer

_The trailer is a copy/paste from the actual trailer except for the addition of the name of actors (it wasn't in the trailer I was looking at. Damn computer). The biggest difference is I'm not using the real actor's names and changing around features and all to fit the plot. So even if I do use Jennifer for Katniss' role, her last name won't be Lawrence as to avoid using real people into this. :) by the way, the people here are practically OC's with the same first name as the actors of the actual Hunger Games. Don't be offended! They're not that vital to the plot and I don't want to look up new names. xD. _

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_Chapter 3 – The Hunger Games Trailer_

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_Sebastian's POV_

The thing about Dalton was that it was a boarding school that had an option of staying in the summer. My parents honestly 'dropped me off' from Paris, to Ohio, and decided to leave me here to rot. Fucking bastards. Mother will call me when she needed an extra accessory to hold onto. It made me want to puke. But most of all, it made me want to show up dressed as Hummel for one of Father's quite known parties and have him disown me right then. Always ticked me off that Hummel was able to wear that shit and get away with it from a parental view, then it came to the fact that I did not want to appear as the stereotypical gay bitch that Hummel did.

So, I stayed in Dalton. More resentment from my rather idiotic peers. Nick had to leave because his parents wanted him at home. Jeff's parents had an emergency business trip they had to go to, and felt so bad they sent Jeff cookies, baked goods, accessories, electronics, clothing and the like every day of the week so that he wouldn't feel any sadness. His face lit up when he received something in the morning even if the rest of us expected it. David had asked to stay here, knowing that his parents' constant cruising in the summer made David sick as he was very easily sea-sick, but phoned them very regularly. I seemed to be out of nowhere, not giving a damn about my parents. When the rest of the Warblers were at the reception room, calling their parents, talking to them and laughing, receiving letters, postcards, packages, I received _nothing_. Trent had also decided to stay here, just because he thought that he was a burden on his family. Being a chubby boy in Dalton was alright, but in the outside world, it meant three months of being pestered by his relatives to lose weight (Trent came from a family of athletes nonetheless), and pressures from the outside world to maintain that constant smile. His parents, however, did not give him a single notion about his appearance, or performance and rather chose to compliment and defend him.

In short, everyone had parents that loved them. Except for me. But then again, I was a little fucked in the head.

Today specifically, Trent had been opening a package from his parents that included an entire case of his favourite show, which he would never admit was the freaking Vampire Diaries, and Jeff had just walked in, hand around a fluffy frappuccino with a ton of whipped cream, and syrup on top, as he chugged it down, with a grin to his face. It was weird seeing the Warblers looking human. Trent in faded jeans, and a chocolate-coloured hoodie. Jeff in a grey cardigan over a white top, and a pair of black pants. I looked different to myself as Jeff had let me borrow his hoodie yesterday because it was freezing (I threatened to punch his face but he still threw a hoodie towards me, grey, with the inscriptions of _'I (Heart) Paris'_) I looked like a joke, in a grey hoodie and dark skinny jeans. I barely recognised myself, but Jeff insisted I continue to wear it, until the laundry mat gave me the rest of my clothing.

Jeff had pulled out a box of chewy warm-looking cookies from his package and gave one to Trent, who blushed before taking, then one to David, who had shook his head. Jeff shoved the cookie into his mouth and David finally sighed before chewing, not wanting to damper Jeff's happy attitude. David was then calling his Mother and talking to her. I just stood there, watching. Trent quickly called up his parents and choruses of "yes, Mom" and "I'm doing great" and "I love you too" being passed around.

When the duo had shut their phones, and Jeff had read the new tiny note that came with the package, he frowned and stared at me. "How come your parents never get you anything, Seb? I thought last week you said that they might but it'll take a while to come but…"

"Simply put, Cookie Monster," he seemed to not be affected by the nickname, as he shoved the cookie down his throat, "they didn't because they don't want to."

Jeff's eyes were wide as they glittered. "Why wouldn't they want to?" he pouted. "Can you call them? Call them!"

Jeff finally went to take a phone from the reception, and giving it to me. He put down the phone and then looked through the list, before deciding finding my name, and calling my Father. I was going to punch him when he was done with this call.

"Hello, Mr Smythe. I…I was calling for Sebastian, who wants to talk to you." I snorted. "Oh…what do you mean I have to tell Sebastian not to disturb you…? What? Business…? Can he just say hi? Oh…no?" Jeff's face was falling as he scrunched up his nose. "But—but…he needs to hear something from you. He doesn't? But he's…he's your son…can go throw himself off a cliff?"

By now, even David looked disturbed. "…okay, okay, Mr Smythe. Thank you." By the time that Jeff finished the call, tears were blurring into his eyes as hugged me. I just rolled my eyes and let him do so.

"Poor Seb."

"Shut up," I snapped.

"I love you though! But your Father is awfully mean." Jeff said, scrunching up his nose and then frowning. "He told me to tell you to not call and to throw yourself off a cliff because you need him or something."

"He doesn't like me sounding weak. Because he knows I don't need to call him, which you bluntly explained." I rolled his eyes and now Jeff was crying even more. I had tears staining my shirt, hot and many of them on Jeff's side. I just pulled him away and suggested we go for coffee. At the Lima Bean, I pulled out the very hot-pink coloured Mac, and Jeff raised an eyebrow.

"…isn't that _Kurt's_?" Jeff inspected.

"It is," David rolled his eyes. Trent didn't say anything. He was slightly petrified of me. I wouldn't blame him. I was a bastard. On the other hand, a cunning one. Hummel's password was so simple. How could I not steal his Mac? I found myself opening his laptop and inspecting his applications, Skype, MSN, Media Player Classic, iTunes, Adobe Reader 9, HP Desktop Printer & Scanner options, a folder full of all of aired episode of the five seasons of _Gossip Girl_ (I _so_ ship Dan and Blair…not that anyone would find out), and I looked through the documents. Finding myself looking through pictures of his family was just depressing, because the bastard had nice ones, and yet again, his Father looked like he gave a damn about him. When I got to pictures of his Mother, I realised it was with that Hudson kid, making me understand that he'd recently gotten married from the dates of the pictures.

Getting bored with that, I looked at the documents and Excel sheets that he acquired. All of them looked like they were touched by Berry. I looked over his summer plans, which dulled me. But from what I can tell, Hummel worked his ass off for NYADA. I got Wi-Fi and my first instinct was to look over Facebook. I wrote a quick status on Kurt Hummel's account _('I enjoy being fucked by Sebastian Smythe'_), which instantly earned a comment from a girl named Mercedes Jones, which stated: _GIVE ME BACK MY LAPTOP, SEBASTIAN_, suggesting that Kurt had written his response in her account.

Before I did leave the account, I changed Kurt's profile picture (which showed how fucking gorgeous his blue eyes were) and made _me_ nearly fall in love with him, into an unflattering picture of him being grossed out by a snake whilst him and Blaine took a picture of him with it. Then I'd switched accounts, logging into my own account, with my various statuses linked to the fact that I'd fucked Blaine Anderson. I'd posted a new one, causing an erect response from 'Mercedes Jones', aka Hummel, and then I logged out from Facebook, and went quickly to other social networks. I had a good fan-base on Twitter, replied to a direct message Pierre sent me: _tonight, Seb? ;D_ with a quick '_yes. Scandals. 7PM'. _I drank through the hot coffee whilst Jeff ordered him another fluffy caramel frappuccino, getting the same for Trent who just nodded at Jeff and drank. The rest of them laughed. I had looked around Kurt's laptop, where I realised the bastard had pictures of Blaine half-naked. I grinned and stared at them, stared at his muscular figure, which made me just stare at how gorgeous he was. God.

I went to send them to my email before noticing that one of them had Blaine completely naked. I smirked. Now, my 'lies' would be more elaborate at least. I hadn't planned on sharing the boy's naked body though. I'd hardened quickly though, much to my dismay. When I opened the email, I noticed that Hummel had sent a few things to Blaine as well.

The minute I saw Hummel sending an email to Blaine, saying 'there. There. You got your picture. Happy?' and then an attachment of a naked Hummel taking a picture by the mirror. That was when I was fully hard. Fuck, Hummel was even prettier than Blaine. I sent that to me, and then deleted the message that stated it was 'sent to Sebastian Smythe' before I found myself sending the pictures of Blaine as well. Logged out and that was it for sexy pictures. Just before I'd log off the laptop though, I went to IMDB.

A new set of trailers were out, and I'd noticed, that without a doubt, there was one for the all popular Hunger Games. The poster was a picture of Katniss, with golden colours and flames. "The Hunger Games finally has a trailer—"

Jeff and Trent immediately attacked me to see and even David, who pretended not to care, got up from his seat to see.

_THE FOLLOWING PERVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES BY THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, INC_ flashed angrily against the forest-green screen as Jeff fidgeted eagerly to see the trailer for the very popular series. The Warblers loved the Hunger Games, and were practically counting down the days until the film released. I couldn't say that because of them, I didn't find some sort of hype in it myself, as I'd borrowed Jeff's book (the bastard loved giving me crap) and read through the first book. I had to say it was good. I liked Cato. He was the only reasonable one.

_"You want to see what I got you today?" a girl with brown hair, baby cheeks and bright blue eyes—in other words, a female Hummel, whom was playing Katniss, was giving Primrose, a tinier girl with short black hair and warm brown eyes, naïve, worshipping Katniss—in other words, Hudson, "It's a Mockingjay pin. As long as you have it, nothing bad will happen to you. I promise."_

"Awe," Jeff suddenly said, eyes full of adoration. He didn't mind that it didn't follow the plotline word for word.

_"And happy Hunger Games," a man had stated, standing there. It was the scene of the reaping as I'd recognised it very well. It flashed to Primrose, and then flashed to Effie, a very flamboyant-like lady that looked like she was taking fashion tips from Hummel, as she looked through the names, said "Ladies first" with a bright smile and pulled it out to read the name. "Primrose Everdeen."_

"_No_!" Jeff exclaimed as Primrose also said a "_No_!" whilst being carried away by the men, eyes glued to the screen in a way that I almost couldn't see what was going on.

_"I VOLUNTEER. I VOLUNTEER." Katniss screamed out, and I rolled my eyes. How could people volunteer themselves for manslaughter? Plus, I thought her dress would be better than that, but I just let the scene unfold. "I volunteer as tribute," she finally stated._

_FROM THE BEST-SELLING EPIC NOVELS_…

"Damn right," David muttered. Damn the Warblers and their love for the fucking Hunger Games. Cute but still annoying as frick.

"What are we looking at?" this time, Jones and Hummel were walking towards me, glaring at me coldly. "Gimmie my laptop, bastard."

"Shh!" Jeff snapped.

"_Oh my Prada!_ Is that _the Hunger Games_ trailer?" Hummel suddenly scrambled towards us, eyes glued to the screen. Jones laid close to Trent to look at the screen as well.

_"You're stronger than they are," Gale had told Katniss "Okay, whatever you do. Don't let them starve," flowed out of Katniss' mouth before they hugged, a sound of "KATNISS EVERDEEN, THE GIRL ON FIRE," being said by Caesar as he threw her arm up in the air whilst she wore a dress as it flashed to training. "What did you say to your sister when you volunteered at the reaping?" Caesar asked, hair blue, just like in the novels._

"I said I was an idiot," I muttered. Jeff ignored me. Hummel hit my shoulder.

_"I told her that I would try to win for her." And yet again, another display of familial affection that I would never have. "And try you will," Caesar stated, kissing her palm for luck. It flashed to a scene where Katniss was holding her fingers up in the sign they did when they mourned someone's death, causing Jeff to gasp and cling onto me. _

Then came Peeta's voice, which was very, very familiar. I heard it before, didn't I?

_"I keep wishing I can think of a way to show them, but they don't know me," and then it flashed to Peeta in the shadows, barely seen._

"I know that voice," Jeff, Trent, David and I all said at once, eyes glued to the screen.

"Sounds a lot like Blaine," Hummel noted.

_Then the Hunger Games, with them running away and getting the supplies. _

_JENNIFER LOCKHART_

_"I'm gonna die," and then it showed a scene of Peeta running. Peeta. That had a very strong, strong resemblance to one Blaine Anderson, except with blonde hair and blue eyes._

"Blaine has a Hollywood double." Jeff giggled, reading my thoughts completely.

"Yeah," Hummel said, eyes on the screen. "Wow. I'd say he was his twin."

_It showed Katniss and Peeta again, this time I could see it was very clearly a replica of a blonde Blaine. "I wish that I could still be me." It showed a bunch of explosions, then Katniss staring up, speaking "I wish I can afford to think like that"._

_BLAINE ANDERSON_

_"BLAINE ANDERSON?!"_ Hummel shrieked so loud everyone stared at us. Jones was grabbing Hummel's shoulder to prevent him from exploding from pure and utter shock. Jeff, Trent, David and I exchanged glances, same thought spiralling through our mind. He didn't look like Blaine – he _was_ Blaine.

Fuck. Anderson was going to be so fucking famous…

_Then it showed Cinna putting the Mockingjay lapel pin on Katniss' jacket, with a simple finger to his lips. _

_THE HUNGER GAMES_

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	4. Chapter 4 – I Had A Dream, Baby

_i. honestly. hate. my. writing. style. the fact that any one of you can read this without choking me is a plus! :D_

_also, to my beautiful, darling Rachel, you will sit here forever for the Sebandler bit. omgosh. ffff. it's like...you see Chandler in Chapter 13. the whole thing is 38 chapters. Sebandler doesn't happen until LATERZ. fffff. _

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_Chapter 4 – I Had A Dream, Baby_

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_Blaine's POV_

I was a little hesitant when he asked me to dye my hair for the role. I didn't want to dye my hair. And I certainly didn't want to wear black thick heeled shoes to make sure I was at Peeta's exact 5'10" height. I wanted to retort and tell the man that the audience wasn't going to stop and measure me, and it wasn't going to seriously affect anything but because my co-star was a bit taller than me, it made me look a bit funny standing there next to her. The thick heels of the loafers made my feet hurt a lot, and I just wanted to sleep half the time I was there in the set. The contact lenses hurt my eyes and when the stylist dyed my hair blonde, I nearly shrieked when I stared into the mirror as ash-blonde hair contrasted my flesh. I had my co-star, Jennifer, come to me and tell me I look good – in the most seductive manner ever which made me want to throw up.

Their words lingered into my head, some good, some bad, and it were the bad ones that got to me half the time.

_"He's my brother, Andy, and it's not fucking fair that he got this part but they didn't even do as much as look at me. Fucking bitch got everything he fucking wanted and more. He doesn't want this! He doesn't. I taught him this. The student isn't going to fucking teach the teacher, right?" _

Cooper hadn't been talking to me ever since I'd gotten the part and Andrea drove me to set all the time. Cooper did show up during the set, talking about how it was unfair that he didn't get the role when he worked his ass off to be there, when I was all Broadway and didn't listen to any of his tips, and I honestly could understand why. I didn't even want this part, which was something Cooper kept on repeating. The only thing that was keeping me from declining this part was that yesterday, my parents called me, saying that Cooper had told them that I'd gotten such a huge role and they were so _proud_ of me that I couldn't bear to decline the role the next day. Mother cried in the phone and told me that I was going to go places. Father told me that he would definitely make sure to be there for the premiere, honestly able to tell the person next to him that that was his son there acting perfectly.

_"Look at Blaine Anderson_." Jennifer had told a co-star, "_God, he's gorgeous. Think he wants to have sex with me_?"

Jennifer was a good onset but offset, she was just another Sebastian, staring at me like a hot piece of ass to bang, but I was so flattered that she thought so. And a co-star agreed to that, which I'd seen was the Gale, his name was Liam Brians, or so, and he was approving Jennifer to go for me. She swiped her hotel room card replica towards me, and her number, put my hands up against her waist, and then her breasts, which I found strange – did women really feel like this? How was that attractive? Before she wrapped her arms around my shoulder and went for a kiss, I broke off and shook my head. "I'm _gay_," I stated bluntly and strongly.

"Gay?" my stylist repeated, and now he was looking at me like I was a freak. Then he calmed down.

"Well, as long as he doesn't show up wearing a skirt, and a pair of Jimmy Choos, I don't give a damn," the director, Garrett, said, giving me a wink. "Now, Blaine, you were a doll in the trailer. Did you see the reviews? The feedback? They thought you were emotional and hot out there. That's the ticket we get for this thing. You need to be emotional, and sexual."

"_Sexual_?" I echoed, eyes wide.

"They thought you were _hot_, kid. As in you are currently a target of sexual desire for many many women and gay men." Garrett re-explained, turning to look at me, and inspecting me again. I nodded slowly. After the very tiring scene we had to do that Garrett kept on complimenting me through, and that left Jennifer still love-dazed by me, making me quite uncomfortable, Andrea decided to take me out to eat. Cooper reluctantly joined us, and at the table, a very tentative girl came by towards us whilst I was eating my risotto and asked for an autograph.

"Sure, I'm just gonna—"Cooper started.

"Who," the girl scrunched her nose, "are _you_?"

Cooper was left sitting there stunned as she gave me her notebook with shaky hands and I quickly wrote my signature. She squealed and said something that was equivalent to "_MACY, I GOT BLAINE ANDERSON – BLANE FUCKING ANDERSON – TO GIVE ME HIS AUTOGRAPH!"_ almost immediately had I been ambushed by females of all kinds asking me for more. I nodded and just complied to them.

"He's such a gentleman."

"Oh God, his eyes are even better up close."

"He's amazing. Just look at him."

I didn't feel that amazing though. I felt like I was still Blaine Anderson, not the Hollywood face that everyone knew, but just a normal person inside and out. Cooper looked disgusted and angry because nobody even acknowledged his existence. I suddenly felt the need to do something as I grabbed Cooper's hand and then gestured the girls to him. "This is my brother."

"Oh my God. Blaine Anderson's brother."

That pricked something into me. I was always 'Cooper Anderson's little brother' and had always resented being known as just that, not a real face. That was what caused Cooper to take his hand away from me, and stare at me coldly. I just brushed it off and went back to eating my plate of risotto. Girls refused to leave, watching me as I ate as if it was the most entertaining thing in the world. Some going as far as recording me eat and taking pictures of it with their phones, shrieking and squealing. I gave them warm smiles throughout and Andrea just sighed. "I'm gonna _shoot_ your fans, Blaine."

By the time I was home, I felt restless, like it was suddenly 10PM and I'd been out all day. I've been bombarded by so many people that I wanted to throw up if I had to write my name or sign it again. I was not self-centred and this made me feel as if I was so full of myself. I wanted to throw up half the time that I did write my name in the paper and I suddenly realised what Cooper meant by having to smile and lie. I had to lie quite a lot, from how 'happy' I was to be in the Hunger Games, yeah, right and from smiling when I really needed to pee but had to first finish a quick little interview. They called me sweet, amazing and compliant. The highlight of the day, however, was when a little girl asked me to take a picture of her, going all like "I had a picture with Peeta!" to her Mother, and she'd given me such a warm smile that I melted on the inside.

I instead browsed through my iPhone and noticed several texts, all from Kurt. I frowned. Kurt told me before I left for LA that he wouldn't call or text me unless something was really up because he didn't want to ruin my time with Cooper. The text made me worried as I opened it to stare at it. My eyes were fixated against the screen.

_Blaine. We need to talk._

_Blaine, text me back. We need to talk._

_Blaine, we really need to talk._

So I called him. The first thing that he'd stated when he answered the phone in point five seconds was, "The Hunger Games, Blaine? Really? When did you decide to mention this to me? During the fucking premiere?" he was angry but most of all, I could hear how hurt he was. I didn't do much though other than stare at the ceiling as I let him speak, knowing that Kurt had more to say. "Blaine, I am sick of this. I am so very _sick_ of you being able to get all of these parts—the Hunger Games Blaine! _The Hunger Games_! You don't even read the books. You haven't given them a _chance_. Blaine, this hurts me. A lot. It's like the Tony thing all over again. You don't even have to try. You just got recognised and there's your future, right there. I'm busting my ass over here for NYADA…this…this isn't fair, Blaine."

"I know," I muttered towards him, voice small. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I can decline the role."

"Yeah right. You're not gonna decline the role. Why would you? And if you did, I can just see the headlines 'Blaine Anderson dumps role as Peeta Mellark because psycho boyfriend says so'."

I could almost feel the tear pricking in his eyes. I could understand why Kurt was so angry at me, and yet, I could do nothing. I didn't know what God decided to give me this 'natural charm' and I honestly didn't mean for that to happen. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," I muttered under my breath.

Kurt just sighed in frustration and then let out a small sob. "Blaine. What are we going to do? …do you even want me anymore? Or do you have a great co-star to fuck?" the last part was said with so much resentment that I nearly started sobbing, but I didn't, because Cooper was standing there, and I couldn't make this all about me. He'd kill me if I had to seem very ungrateful for the role that he wanted so bad. I was torn between expressing my pure emotion to Kurt and trying to not show it to Cooper. Kurt wanted closure. Cooper couldn't be satisfied anyway, but I didn't…I didn't know what to do for once. When a script was right in front of me, I could do it. I could change my emotions, fixate everything to what they want, but at times like these, I _can't_. I didn't have a script. I didn't know what anyone wanted me to say.

I couldn't hold together the relationships in my real life. "Kurt, please, don't be like this," I said, voice desperate. I didn't care about how desperate I sounded. "We love each other."

"That's exactly why you didn't tell me, huh?" Kurt's voice was full of anger. "If it was me, Blaine, at least I'd have the decency to call and not let the boyfriend I fucked and run off from track me down."

That one hurt. Because I didn't 'fuck and ran off to LA' and Kurt knew that too, but he was so blinded by pain, he used the worst references he can think of to shoot me down, to make me understand, to make me pay for the pain that was lingering into him. "Kurt," I began, voice full of sympathy. "…Kurt, I am so sorry I didn't call, but it's not because…because I was with someone else. It was because I was afraid of your reaction. I was afraid that…that you wouldn't want me anymore."

Which was true. Who would want to be caught in that kind of drama?

"Why should I believe you? You could be acting." Kurt's voice was full of anger. "Goodbye, Blaine."

The line went dead. I was just sitting there, confused. My relationship with my boyfriend was falling apart at the seams because of this. I nearly felt the need to call Garrett, but then I realised I was still unsure about that. I didn't really care much for the part, but did I want to expose anyone to that kind of pain? My brother, my friends, and my boyfriend? Cooper was in the kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee. I then picked up the phone, fully intentional of dropping the part as I called Garrett.

"Gary, I want…to decline."

"What? You can't decline, sweetie. You signed a clause."

"But…" my eyes widened.

"But nothing, love. You signed. That movie's airing and you're coming to set tomorrow, alright? You drunk, love? Because I'd be a fool to decline this part." He shut the phone and I felt tears pricking into my eyes, finally. Cooper had walked in, coffee in hand and then snapped at me. "What the hell are you crying for?"

I didn't say anything as I just wiped away the now freely cascading tears and just stated that I was going to go to sleep. I laid there in bed, staring at the ceiling, as I felt my stomach hurt. I fell asleep before I even knew I was asleep. By the time I woke up, Andrea had a bunch of tabloids scattered around me. It was open to a page and Andrea was staring at it with wide eyes. I turned to read why she'd be so horrified, so shocked, so confused, and then when I read the headline, saw the pictures, I screamed.

_STAR BLAINE ANDERSON, "PEETA OF THE HUNGER GAMES", TOGETHER WITH 'LOESR' LOCAL LIMA BOY "KURT HUMMEL" BUT FOUND IN SCANDALS WITH DANCING WITH DALTON FRIEND, SEBASTIAN SMYTHE—THREESOME ANYONE?_

It was that picture from that night from Scandals. Sebastian and I dancing and I remembered because I was drunk out of my mind. We were grinding, practically having sex on that dance floor, with a headline that made me nearly shriek because even that was stepping too low: _SEBASTIAN, NEIGHBOURHOOD SLUT INTOXICATING BLAINE WITH DRINK _and then me and Kurt near the car where I almost tried to fuck him. Underneath that picture of Kurt and I, it was written, very, very clearly, making Kurt seem as the biggest most self-absorbed asshole anyone could meet: _PRUDE VIRGIN BOYFRIEND REFUSES SEX FROM A STAR, HAD TO GET IT FROM LOCAL SLUT._

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	5. Chapter 5 – Dreaming of You

_to PenMagic, Kurt's overreaction is definitely spun on just by hurt anyway. This chapter sees things from his point of view. :) to Rachel, omgosh, SEBASTIAN. all the Sebangst in this piece. :P well...the later Sebangst. _

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_Chapter 5 – Dreaming of You_

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_Kurt's POV_

I let an ear-shattering heart-jolting screech escape my mouth. I felt the lavender in my lotion suddenly strength, as if the mild scent had somehow emulsified and amplified in those seconds – the scent smelled somehow nauseating instead of its normal serene effect. I stared down back at the tabloid as if to understand the words again, that all seemed like lies painted against each – like a horrid nightmare that had followed me to my awakening. I stared. I wanted to cry.

I think I might've.

_STAR BLAINE ANDERSON, "PEETA OF THE HUNGER GAMES", TOGETHER WITH 'LOESR' LOCAL LIMA BOY "KURT HUMMEL" BUT FOUND IN SCANDALS WITH DANCING WITH DALTON FRIEND, SEBASTIAN SMYTHE—THREESOME ANYONE?_

It was that picture from that night from Scandals. Sebastian and Blaine grinding each other on the dance floor with a headline that made me nearly made me throw up right then and there: _SEBASTIAN, NEIGHBOURHOOD SLUT INTOXICATING BLAINE WITH DRINK _and then Blaine and I near the car – my heart thudded into my ears, blood rushed into my veins, cold, - when Blaine tried to have sex with me. Underneath that picture of Blaine and I, it was written, in a quite atrocious glowing yellow letters: _PRUDE VIRGIN BOYFRIEND REFUSES SEX FROM A STAR, HAD TO GET IT FROM LOCAL SLUT_

My heart was racing. It made me sound like a self-obsessed asshole, like Blaine was the victim; the victim that was 'intoxicated', the victim that was rejected, and Sebastian and I were targeted as the most self-invested whores anyone could ever meet.

My fingers were shaking. I had simply gone by to pick up a huge carton of low-fat milk for my honey-nut Cheerio's, yet the tabloid in the stands attracted me for a rather extreme headline that stated that _SECRETS ABOUT STAR BLAINE ANDERSON OF HUNGER GAMES _on the flamboyant and gaudy cover sheet of the tabloid_,_ and my fingers somewhat found their way to the tabloid without really trying. The man at the store told me to buy it, and now, having have bought it – I was faced with a demon of my past. My heart was just about to explode of my chest. I'd nearly forgotten to check brands and compare calories of certain brands – actually, I haven't forgotten but my sudden impulsive nature caused me to throw any huge carton of milk near the cashier and pay for it as quickly as possible.

I eyed the tabloid again, and then paid quickly before leaving; not turning back to the man that had shouted that I'd forgotten my change. I simply said a quick 'keep it', feeling beyond exposed to the world around me. Some stared at me as I left, whispered into each other's ears, giggling, and I could think of every insult in their minds, every thought process and then a small young ginger-haired girl asked me. "What's a prude? Is that like a prune?"

Her ginger-haired Mother scoffed at her young daughter's question. "I for one think that it's good that you aren't throwing yourself for _that_ at this age." She implied sex but didn't want her daughter asking anymore questions. As I slid outside of the store, I found my car and my mouth opened in shock and my mind reeled to a need to kill Blaine Anderson, to destroy him senselessly because in obnoxious pink spray paint, someone had _decorated_ (and I used that term quite loosely) my car with _HOMO LOSER. PROBABLY CAN'T GET COCK ANYWAY…SCARED, PRUDY CAT?_

I was completely paralysed for that moment.

I was victimised because my boyfriend, whom didn't tell me that he was in The Hunger Games, was suddenly found in some studio when Cooper had been auditioning. The story circled around. Everyone knew that Blaine didn't get the part because he directly auditioned for it, but he never backed down from the part—and now, he was playing the victim. Blaine wasn't even the least bit interested in the books, whilst I had found myself completely engrossed in the series, and still was despite all of this insanity. A part of me was happy for Blaine, but that part was overwhelmed with fits of jealousy, anger and pain. I felt invisible in Blaine's shadow, almost insignificant to the point of being erased from Blaine's mind –

And then he said that 'we're in love, Kurt' and I nearly lost it. I lost it because despite all of that, he still wanted me. I wanted to laugh, or cry, or both. He wanted just me—despite all of the co-stars, yet my rage had taken the best of me. My rage, and my envy that implored my mind to a point of no return because it wasn't fair. I had an Excel spread-sheet in my laptop that spoke of the things I would do – dancing lessons, acting courses, vocal tutors, all on Rachel's recommendations, nearly spending most of my money on just training to be the best before I had to leave for New York.

He said he'd decline the role for me.

In a second of instinct, I told him not to. I was too scared for being that selfish, for being so close to being Sebastian, but at the same time, I _hated_ him for the role, but I _loved_ him for just being _Blaine_. I was full of unanswered questions and thoughts, of Blaine not wanting me, of Blaine needing me, of Blaine leaving me, of me leaving him – they all seemed like far away visuals as only moments ago, I'd been in his room, with that faint smell of lavender that was around _just because I visited him that often_, and I saw him just as that.

I looked down at my iPhone and to my horror, I had many, many missed calls from Blaine. With teary eyes, I answered.

"Blaine?"

"Kurt! Kurt, I am so, so sorry…I didn't authorise any of this! I swear!" he sounded so close to tears. "I swear…"

I could feel how broken he was, my Blaine, just the same old Blaine, except not. I didn't know what to feel.

"I might lose my place in NYADA, Blaine," the thought crossed my mind, the heart of mine weighing so heavy that I could not speak. "They'd see me as Blaine Anderson's boyfriend – I am _nothing_ to anyone anymore. I hope you realise this! That if I ever make it out in Broadway, in the lights, it'll be because I'm known – I'm the bitchy prude boyfriend that didn't give the star a piece of his ass when he wanted—"

"Kurt."

"Blaine—"

"Open the television."

"I have to go home first," and out of sheer disgust, I still slid into my car, feeling victimised in my own neighbourhood, seeing people stare at me, and children throwing rocks at me, children who were told that I was a bad, bad person. I wanted to honestly throw up. By the time I was home, the place was still silent as everyone was still asleep. Nobody made a sound nor said a singular thing. I laid down onto my couch, and then opened up the television screen.

Blaine told me the channel and I agreed. It flashed to a picture of Blaine wearing thick-framed glasses, and his hair very neatly put together. He looked beautiful. He _always_ looked beautiful. Blaine was speaking into his mike. He shut the phone and I felt the line go dead, but my mind was fixated at the screen, happening right now, and I swore I can even feel Blaine breathing.

"Everyone's making a mistake," Blaine called out, eyes on the camera. "Kurt Hummel is not my '_prude'_ boyfriend. I wanted to wait as to be comfortable for the both of us, but being a very sleazy drunk, I found myself pressuring him into a situation he didn't want. I love him with all of my heart if he'd believe that and please, please, Kurt…please me when I say that _I am completely and utterly in love with you_. He's the victim and I am tired of people seeing me as perfect. I am just as flawed as the character I am playing. I am _not_ perfect. I don't know what to say half the time if I don't have a script in front of me and…"

Blaine stared up with glossy brown eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. Okay? I am so, so _sorry_. You're the best thing that has _ever_ happened to me…don't…_don't_ _leave_ _me_."

A man that was the director simply stood in front of him and grabbed Blaine's shoulder away and I knew why. Homophobic reviews. From a gay boy playing a completely straight role. I felt myself get sick. It only made me hate him more, that he could be _so perfect_ even though he claimed otherwise, that his speech made him appear even more of a victim whilst still trying to gloss things over. Blaine was just _likeable_. I felt like I had done something wrong by not letting him take my virginity that night.

"Kiddo, what the hell was that?"

I turned around to see Dad standing there, and suddenly, the carton of milk in my hand that I'd been carrying for a while felt two tonnes heavier. Carole was standing there with a gaped mouth and Finn stared at the screen in disbelief. I took a deep breath. "Blaine's gonna play Peeta in The Hunger Games."

"Yeah right," Burt huffed. "That's like Harry Potter or _something_."

I turned to a page in the tabloid that showed sets and Dad laid his eyes on the set, very much recognising Blaine even with the blonde hair, and he shuddered. "He can do that?"

"Apparently," my answer was bitter enough to make Dad raise his eyebrow at my tone of voice. Dad had suddenly pulled his fingers towards that dreaded page and froze. There was only silence in the house for a few moments as I bit down my lower lip.

"Kurt, what is _this_?"

"Tabloid trash talk," I squeaked out quickly, trying to gloss over for Blaine now. "Sebastian got Blaine drunk and he tried to pressure me _but nothing happened_! I swear! He left and I drove alone! I'm still a virgin and I'm gonna stay that way for a while. It's just that—"

"No offence, dude," Finn suddenly spoke up. "But they're making you sound like a complete bitch."

"Well, Blaine tried to gloss it over by…" I pointed to the screen, "…_that_."

"How do you feel about this, kid?"

"Even if I _do_ break-up with him, I'm gonna have people up my face about it and they'll make this whole story about how I'm a cold-hearted bitch but if I stay with him…then it's gonna kill us both. There's no way out of this. I have a celebrity boyfriend." I sighed meekly.

"Are you gonna be okay, Kurt?" Finn suddenly asked me.

"I don't know," I honestly replied, and this time, I could feel the tears in my eyes, as they showed promotional pictures of the book on the television screen. "_I really don't_ _know_—"

Suddenly, my iPhone rang and I saw that it was Blaine. I didn't want to answer, but something cold in my stomach drove me to, as I laid the phone against my ear, crushing cartilage. "Blaine."

"Kurt."

"That's not enough."

"I know," I could nearly see Blaine biting down his lower lip. "I really am sorry, you know? Are we…are we still together?"

"Blaine, I love you." I chuckled, and God, was it true. I loved the boy I met at the stairwell, the one whom insisted on pressing his head against my shoulder because he loved the smell of lavender. "But I am so…"

"I know."

"…I love you," I suddenly said again, voice weaker than usual.

"I love you too, Kurt, so much." Blaine responded, voice full of so much pain I nearly had forgiven him on the spot but my body refused to forgive him, and my mind flashed on to their eyes on me as I walked out of the store, the judgment, my blemished decorated car, everything—"If it helps…I tried to decline but they told me I signed a contract. That I can't."

"Oh dear Chanel, you don't know _anything_ about showbiz, Blainey," I found myself quipping back, but it sounded humourless, and dry.

"I didn't want this."

Blaine's voice was so honest that I believed him, but another part of me refused to.

"I really just want you."

"Goodbye, Blaine." I shut the phone, and felt the weight of the world crash down before me, as Carole took the milk from me and offered to heat up my bowl of cereal for me. It all felt like a sudden dream that was all about Blaine, like somehow I'd wake up, laugh and then call Blaine and we'd go to the Lima Bean… Finn just grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight; telling me that I was better than some stupid role in some book, and Dad was as silent as I was. The world was dull and as heavy as holding a carton of milk when your boyfriend professed his love to you in public television.

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	6. Chapter 6 – Coming True

_okai. all the Finn feels in this chapter. _

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_Chapter 6 – Coming True_

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_Finn's POV_

This whole Hunger Games thing was really tearing Kurt apart. I tried to comfort him and stuff and told him that, well, if it helped, I didn't even get the books. Like…what was Panem anyway?

"It's whatever was left of South America," Kurt had explained once, but like – why Panem? I mean, they could've called it anything but I guessed names don't make any sense, like why they call New York the Big Apple and all. And what was a Mockingjay? Can I buy that off eBay?

Kurt had sighed and didn't even answer that as he repeated to me a buncha times that, "this book is set in the future, Finn."

Kurt was reading the rest of his book, even though he was really pissed at Blaine for the whole Hunger Games thing, he really liked them, and I sat down beside him.

"So…the Hunger Games…" I began, and then Kurt looked at me, with a raised eyebrow and I knew he was wondering why I was mentioning that. I felt like we were kinda awkward, so I threw in a joke. "…I play that all the time, like especially in Rachel's house when she has all this vegan food," and at that, Kurt rolled his eyes, but there was a faint smile on his lips, meaning that I somehow got something right. Maybe.

Kurt still looked really hurt and I can guess why. So far, we haven't had people attacking us in our homes or anything and that was because Burt was in Congress, but they were making a real bad reputation of Kurt and even Burt sometimes 'cause he raised Kurt to be a 'self-obsessed bitch', but he also got a lot of people on his back because he raised Kurt right, and that Kurt wasn't throwing himself towards his boyfriend or anything. It was mostly good around the gaymmunity. Like it was really easier for a lot of kids to come out since like a lot of parents know right now that being gay didn't mean you were a sex addict or something.

I moved in closer and now, I can smell that weird lavender lotion thing Kurt wore, as Kurt put down the book, bookmarking the page with that pretty furry doggy bookmark and then looked up at him. "Yes, Finn? Anything you want to share?"

"Like," I tried not to be too awkward. "I'm like here for you, dude. I can talk to Blaine and stuff."

"I'm not angry at Blaine," Kurt finally told me, and I stared at him. He didn't look real pissed anymore. Now, he just looked really hurt. I waited for him to say something but he didn't, as he sighed. "Finn, am I talented?"

I was thrown back by the question but I answered honestly. "Like…yeah, dude. You are."

Kurt can be so weird sometimes, because he was definitely talented. I mean, like, he can do Gaga better than any chick I've met, and he also was really cool singing all those Wicked songs in the bathroom even though – you know, Kurt took showers really late and I sometimes wanted to sleep early, but I can't 'cause Kurt's voice was really high-pitched and shrill so I have to wait until he was done showering to sleep, but you know, everyone had their ups and downs. I really liked it when Kurt sung in the kitchen when he was making breakfast though. Sometimes, I didn't 'cause it was the morning and I didn't want to listen to anyone sing but I mostly appreciated it.

"Finn," Kurt gave me that really hurt look that made his eyes kind of bluer. "If I ever make it big, you know it's not gonna be my talent, it's because I'm Blaine Anderson's boyfriend."

"No, no way! You got into NYADA on your own and stuff. Like yeah, it might make you famous and all, but you can be like…you know, like people wouldn't know your name and stuff and call you his boyfriend maybe in the beginning but then you'd be _Kurt_, all amazing lovable Kurt, and everyone will like you for you, and then you won't be just Blaine Anderson's boyfriend. You'd be Kurt. But it just…people need time to get to know you, because you're really special, Kurt."

Kurt smiled, but it was a really weak one. He still looked really hurt. He sighed. "You might be right, Finn, but I really hate this. If I stay with him, I'm in trouble, but if I break up with him, I'm still in trouble. It's like…there's no way out or something. There's no Escape key. You can just reset and restart it. I have to deal with _this_ until that happens – if it ever happens, and Finn, it's just like the Karofsky thing…except about a million times worse, because I can't go out without having people single me out."

I grabbed onto his shoulders – brothers do that, right? – and looked into his eyes, and then smiled. "Come on, Kurt, you know I've got your back. You're my brother, and so does Puck. You know, he owes me for the whole Quinn thing."

Blackmailing him with the whole baby-gate was really mean, but Puck really owed me anyway for the foosball thing, so I didn't see anything wrong with it. I just really wanted Kurt to be okay. He didn't look like himself. He looked kinda sad all the time, even when he was smiling and joking with Mercedes or Rachel and speaking of which, he wasn't talking to any of them. Kurt was just sitting here, looking at his laptop – it was gone for a while and I didn't know why – and staring at the screen. It was really hurting Kurt, and he had dance lessons for NYADA and a tonne of other vocal classes and stuff, and he went to them, even though they were really mean to him. The people can't really throw Kurt out of the class 'cause Burt was a really important person, but they hated him, and he hated a lot of what they did to him. It was like McKinley during the summer, except there were like a million jocks everywhere Kurt went and the bullying was really a lot worse.

Once, Kurt was nursing a really big black eye and Burt was so pissed. He'd had enough, and he'd made a speech about how bullying effected people and even brought up some really tragic suicides from the Trevor Project, and they backed him up – I sometimes still volunteered (not a Katniss joke, okay?) for the Trevor Project, 'cause it would help people, seeing like a big jock going through with it, and it sometimes helped. You know, sometimes. Most times not but hey, everything in its time I guess.

Kurt smiled _that_ smile at me. I knew what _that_ meant. It meant that Kurt was tired and he really didn't want to talk about it. He was always like this. He pushed people away when he was sad and got really angry and irritable, like during the whole Burt-in-the-hospital thing, and he just didn't want anyone to talk to him. He'd try to be alone and even out the situation on his own, but he can't. Kurt was really strong, not saying that he was fragile or anything, but more than often, Kurt would bite off more than he can chew and then tell himself that he didn't need help or something and then crumble.

That was just Kurt. And this was what was happening now. I wanted to talk to him but I really didn't know what to say. Did anyone beat you up or call you anything really bad that made you think of hurting yourself? –unfortunately, I kinda blurted that out and now, Kurt was looking at me with a quizzical expression, like I just told him that I was pregnant with twins, or something.

"Finn, I won't hurt myself. I do not in any shape, way, or form, hate myself, or despise what I am. I'm gay. I'm proud of it. I'm prude, and I'd rather be known as prude rather than _Lima's local slut…"_ now, I was thinking of Sebastian. I mean, yeah, the dude did hurt Blaine with the slushie, and he really did kinda act like a jerk, like all of the time, and there was that time he threatened to post a really bad photoshopped picture of me that still freaked me out, but he was human, too, right? You know, maybe…

And this was also targeting him. I know, like his parents, must be really strict, or evil, or something 'cause Sebastian never once talked about them except for mentioning that that his Dad was a state attorney—and I didn't know if that was right, 'cause he was really trying to intimidate Santana and that would mean that his parents were in the US and stuff, but from what Blaine mentioned before, his parents like—lived in Paris, and all I knew was that a state attorney was like…a US job? Plus, I thought that Sebastian was like…taking a lot of pride in the fact that he used to live in France and all (not that it wasn't cool – I mean, Eiffel Tower and all!), so that was probably from his parents. I didn't know…

Why was I thinking about Sebastian again?

Yeah. I mean. Kurt was getting it real bad, but Sebastian had to, too, right? I mean, like they were both gay and Kurt was being singled out 'cause he was being 'prude-like', and he had some people for and against him, and then there was Sebastian, and the tabloids made it seem like Blaine and Sebastian slept with each other and that wasn't something I'd want to be known as, like a slut.

Oh my God. _Blaine's parents._

I never thought about it but did they even know? Like what if his Dad read the tabloid and realised that dapper Blaine wasn't so cute and innocent and dapper or that was how they made it to be? I mean, Blaine was pretty much perfect but…

"Finn? You're spacing out again," Kurt called out, almost to revive me from my train of thought.

"Oh. It's cool that you don't want to hurt yourself," I flustered at my comment, but I didn't know what else to say. I was relieved. Kurt just shook his head, as if to say 'typical Finn' and then held the book close. I chose now to bring the issue up. "Like…what about Sebastian? I mean, like he's known as a slut and that can't be good. I know he's safe at Dalton but—"

Kurt cut me off and I thought that he'd hate me or scream at me or something. "You're concerned about _Sebastian_?" he sounded pretty shocked, like he wasn't even thinking about it, but it was somewhere at the back of his mind sort of shocked.

I nodded my head. "Blaine shook Sebastian's hand after we won Regionals, and he seemed okay with it. I don't know if he's gonna be scrubbing your shoes or anything for forgiveness, but I'm pretty sure he needs help. You're just not handling it well, and you have me and Mom and Burt, and I guess you have the New Directions, you know…wherever they are…I think Puck's in LA, and Rachel's already planning her way to NYADA with you, so you can talk to her. Mercedes is pretty much gone with Sam, and Santana's headed off to New York like a long time ago. Britt's here. I'm here for you, man and like a lot of us are, but I don't know if that's the same for Sebastian and I'm kinda afraid that it's gonna be like Karofsky and he's just gonna lose it and…"

"…off himself," Kurt found a euphemism for what I was trying to say. I didn't know what I was thinking until I started talking but it made a lot of sense. Sebastian and Karofsky are really like each other. They were both mean but I guess that they were both trying to get into a new shell or something 'cause Karofsky was a really nice guy right now and he still bought Kurt flowers and stuff when he was doing a really big solo and came around a lot, even when Kurt was auditioning for NYADA he was here, so it might be the same with Sebastian…? Maybe he'd do that stuff to Blaine, if Blaine ever came back.

I was starting to think about that but I tried not to. I mean, Blaine would come back, right?

Kurt looked up at me, and then sighed. "Do you want to see him?"

I nodded my head slowly.

"Okay." He seemed very bleak. "Let's go."

Kurt and I walked out of the door, and I was just happy Kurt was leaving the house, then I was met with Kurt staring at his baby, his car, all marred up in scratches and its paint job completely ruined. I was really shocked and pissed. Kurt was just staring at it right now, not phased by it at all. What were these jerks doing to my brother?! I shot a look around just to see if there were any more of those punks. I mean, really! I turned to Kurt and then tried to smile at him. "Like…I'll fix it with a new paint job." I realised that the back was dented and cursed. I told him I'll help him with that too.

Kurt was driving apparently. I didn't know how bad it actually was until I was there. I shot some guys a look that were going to throw stones at us! Real, huge _stones_! That can really hurt people. But Blaine was assuring everyone that Kurt wasn't the one at fault here but nobody believed that. I thought I heard some weird story about Kurt abusing Blaine or something and I was really shocked because Kurt would never, ever lay a hand on Blaine as far as I knew and I knew like a _lot_ about them.

He was driving me to Dalton and then he looked at me. "It's a two hour drive."

I bit down my lower lip and nodded my head. "Kurt, what are you gonna do?"

He looked like he was trying really hard not to cry but his voice was really shaky when he told me, "I don't know, Finn. I feel like I'm actually very misunderstood and that nobody cares enough to really understand."

"Hey," I didn't like seeing Kurt looking so hurt and weak. Not only was he my brother, but he helped me a lot, so seeing his shoulders shake like that and those tears spring to his eyes made my heart race in my chest. I really just wanted to help him. He was letting out sobs right now, as he tried not to take his eyes off the road. It was getting really hard.

"He gets whatever he wants," Kurt was growling. "He hasn't even tried. I just…it's so hard dating him. It's not just that he's the alpha gay, he's the alpha anybody. Everyone wants a piece of Blaine Anderson…everyone wants to single out Blaine Anderson…everyone pushes away Kurt Hummel and then try to jump in bed with Blaine Anderson—"

"—you know that's not true, Kurt. You're just really angry and hurt right now. You told me Blaine wasn't a bad guy and…"

Kurt nodded his head, but somehow, it made those tears spill faster. "And what it hurts is that Blaine is actually _innocent_ in all of this. That's what makes me sick is because I _can't_ pin it on Blaine, because it's not _his_ fault…and that just makes him even more _perfect_ and…"

I leaned down towards Kurt's iPhone adapter, picked Kurt's iPhone from its place and placed it in, and then played the song, skipping to the part I wanted it to. When Kurt recognised it, his eyes welled up even more.

_"Pretty, pretty, please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect…" _I sung to Pink, and Kurt looked away from me, chuckling sadly. I knew it was kinda stupid, singing to Kurt this song when it was his and Blaine's car song and we were…kinda in a car, but it was making him happier, and more light-hearted and stuff, so I guess that wasn't a total waste. He was singing to it by the end, and was considerably calmer.

The whole car ride was full of songs and duets we belted out together. Kurt smiled. And I knew, this time, even though all of Kurt's nightmares were really coming true, I really did have his back.

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	7. Chapter 7 – Think This Through & Through

_Awe. I gave people Finn feels. Now this is back to Cooper/Blaine and the next chapter is back to Finn/Kurt. This happens sometimes because it depends on whose POV the chap is written in and this chapter is written in Cooper's POV, mostly all Cooper!ranting to be honest.  
_

_Warnings for severe Blaine bashing. This chapter's in Cooper's point of view. I wanted to write it out in everyone's point of view for this whole Blaine situation because everyone is effected, and everyone has some valid points, but not everyone is right. I want to make people see everyone's point of view of the situation. Cooper's shock, Kurt's hurt, Blaine trying to cope…etc. So, here we go! This is mostly a whole spin on what's going through Cooper's head in more detail, so it's just his thoughts for now. _

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_Chapter 7 – Think This Through & Through _

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_Cooper's POV_

Fuck this.

I wanted to cry. I seriously just wanted to cry, roll up in a hole, sit there and die. This wasn't fucking fair. What did I do? Take his toy when we were young? I didn't know…train him until he was able to sing? All of that was my fucking work. All of it. I built Blaine. I was the reason he was so fucking good! And why did he take the spot I didn't take? Why the fuck was I not good enough? Shit. Fuck. I hated my brother. I fucking hated my brother and wished he'd go throw himself off a cliff.

And fuck this station, playing Duran fucking Duran when I was depressed. I didn't need to think about Blaine. Bitch. Whore. Fucking fuck. Yes, he was my brother and it wasn't like he asked for this, but why was it always like this? Why? Yeah, Cooper faded in the background eventually, and Blaine shone like a million megawatts—bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. I was too sick to do anything. Imagine, imagine walking around trying to get a deal but getting the door slammed in your face, imagine lying, manipulating, stealing, cheating, hurting just so I can get one small part, and imagine when you were face down with everyone else in the business who was trying to take your spot, and those bitches that were so prideful and higher than you looked down at you like a freaking shame—people that didn't know how it felt like.

Imagine having to live out in the streets day in and day out, 'cause you had no place to go and until you got a contract or a deal, you were nothing. Imagine sitting there for hours, nervous on set, and then standing up to go audition only to be turned down, again and again, and fucking imagine trying to wake away with a smile that can dazzle the world. Fuck. I was a narcissistic bitch, sure, but everything I had I worked for – I was the one that spent three years' worth of money I collected from working at the fucking Lima Bean to go to LA, to make it big. When I came here, I had no plans, but just to go on, progress…I was gonna lose hope, lose it all, then I got this small deal, and that was it. Cooper Anderson was a face of an ad, and it felt good. It felt good to earn it, and of course, to rub it in my little brother's face, but then _when your brother – you know the one you taught, the one whose head you filled in with dreams of singing and Broadway (what can I say? I loved Broadway then, I loved the glitter and New York) and get a role into the Hunger Games without even fucking trying then—_

I just can't stand it. I really just can't stand it.

I remembered when we were kids. I remembered that when I was a kid, I used to wake up Blainey late at fucking night, shake him just a little bit awake, and _he'd_ hold me. He'd try to be all strong and buff and get me into his bed without making a ruckus and I'd roll my eyes, and sleep beside him. I did it because he had nightmares. He'd never fucking know. He thought I was doing it because I was too scared to admit I had them or something. I remembered that Blaine only stopped fucking screaming when I was there in the bed. It fucking destroyed me when Blaine can sleep on his own, then I felt empty. I kinda waited for him to just _know_, and crawl in his bed with me. Never did. Bastard. I always just _knew_.

I remembered when we were kids, and Blaine was asking me what a gay guy was. I snorted and told him it was a guy that liked kissing other guys. Blaine told me that he might be gay. I remembered that no matter how awkward it felt like, I never ever made fun of him or teased him for it, and I was the one to break the news to my parents. To Blaine, he thought Momma and Dad always knew, but dammit, they were as blind as freaking bats. He never ever thanked me for that, else he'd be living in a mess of anxiety. You know, Momma wasn't so sure about it, until I tried to point out that Blaine liked Vogue, and liked fashion and stuff like that, even though he was also the average boy, and I recorded some of our convos for them (nothing about sex or anything, didn't want to embarrass the little fella) and they finally got it. They talked to me about it when we grew up, but Blaine was just…he never _knew_. He just didn't _know_. Why didn't he _know_? I _knew_. I _knew_ _everything_ about him and he knew _nothing_ about me. Just fucking nothing.

When he said he wanted to transfer, you thought my parents were okay with it? Haha. No. I told them that it was just an opportunity for Blaine to get outta his shell and maybe face the real world, that he can't keep him caged up in his little gay room forever (yeah, those were my exact words, but I never mean any offence to gays – it was just a teasing thing by now). When he got slushied, it took my parents every single cajoling, caring word in the dictionary to get me to stay there and not go down to Ohio and rip that guy's throat out. Sadie Hawkins Dance? Where the hell was I when Blaine and his guy got beat up? Ha! I was the one that got beat up first, and sue me for being too unconscious to save Blaine. He didn't remember that bit, and scolded me for not being there. His little guy friend though that he went to the dance with—Dick, or Nick Duval or whatever—he did and he felt sorry for me. Some black haired freak with a face shaped like a fucking heart _noticed_ but _Blaine_ didn't. Oh, where the hell was I when Blaine was hurt and I was pushing him to the edge with rehearsals?

…oh, excuse me.

Let me recap. Sectionals. Regionals. The Warblers. How stupid of me. I guess he didn't need my help because he didn't need that talent. Without his voice, Blaine didn't know how to impress people. His voice made him fucking confident. Without his voice, he'd be an empty hollow shell that was still too shy to ask his little possibly gay friend to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

And guess what?

I gave him that voice.

I trained him. He sounded like shit, and then he sounded amazing after three years of constant training and learning and listening and he always looked up to me. I never, ever fucking let him down. He was the one that let me down. Of course, I did what I could – the world wasn't fucking rainbows and sunshine. If I trained him like a pixie, he won't be the fighter that he was and didn't he even sing that song for me? _Thanks for making me a fighter_? Well, I did make him a fighter. _I was the only fucking reason he had courage_—'cause he wanted to be like Cooper. I was naturally confident, naturally narcissistic, and naturally strong, so I just had to build Blaine up to that potential. Then he pushed me away.

Bitch. Whore. I hated him. I absolutely hated that little bitch.

I stole money for my parents when we were kids and got in trouble 'cause he wanted chocolate. I used to vigorously collect stuff, like CD's and classic music and hide them in my room (yes, wow! CD's! I actually used those), and I'd make a little music shrine and I'd continue stuffing them with CD's I'd buy from my allowance until I had a big collection then in the weekend, Blaine and I would jam out and sing. And then I walk by home and saw that Blaine broke every single one of them and said that nobody used CD's anymore. Fuck him. I didn't even react. I laughed. Never showed how much it hurt me that he'd threw away our fucking childhood like that. Bitch.

I hated him.

The only thing that used to make me happy was Blaine. The only thing that now took away my fucking happiness was Blaine. How fucked up was this? Adorable little brother, huh?

How the hell would he knew that I was always hovering over that freaking line where I'd just cut it all and end my miserable life? What made me sick was that I'd stay awake at night, wondering how they'd manage to turn this thing into it being all about Blaine. Best part? I found out. _Aw, poor Blaine, his brother just killed himself—how will he cope? Aw, poor Blaine, his brother just offed himself—what if he has suicidal thoughts too?_ Who would even come to my fucking funeral? My fake LA friends? Yeah. Then there was Andrea, but she was busy crying her eyes over what they were saying about her slut brother.

_Fucking cynical Cooper. What? Can't handle the attention not being on yourself?_

Fuck. Fuck this.

Fuck all of this.

_I really just want a beer right now._

So yeah, I got one. And two. And three. And drowned myself until I threw up. I had Andrea – not Blaine, mind you, Blaine was snoring off into another world – crouch down before me and sigh as she sighed. "Always like this, Cooper?"

Thinking this through and through with my masochistic and sadistic thoughts spiralling – oh she has no idea, I finally smirked. "Yeah. Always like this, Andy-bay."

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	8. Chapter 8 – Swell…and Great? Yeah, Right

_Warnings for body/image issues. D'aww.  
_

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_Chapter 8 – Swell…and Great? Yeah, Right_

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_Trent's POV_

Okay. Like my summer…really wasn't the best so far.

I guessed it was kind of better than my family telling me I was really fat and I needed to lose weight or else nobody would ever like me anymore or something like that. They always said stuff like that and it kind of made me sick. This morning, I was still in my bed, just staring at the ceiling and then David walked in, holding a tabloid in his hands, curling it up in his hands. It was really weird 'cause David didn't normally look like that, like he was doubting something, frustrated, biting down his lower lip – okay, actually, David always looked like that, but not like _this_. Like there was something wrong, _very wrong_. David sat down beside me all of a sudden and stared at me.

"How are you feeling?"

I raised my eyebrow. This question, from Jeff, was really normal, but from David, it was kinda weird. Unless you told him that you felt like you were falling to pieces, he wouldn't bat an eyelash at you. Unless he knew there was something wrong, he won't notice things, like you looking tired, or you being more irritable and snippier than usual unless it was something really obvious, like Jeff suddenly screaming that he hated everyone in the world and that he wanted to go kill people because that was _so_ not Jeff and even the most oblivious like David would catch on.

I shrugged. "I guess, I'm swell and great and all…kinda tired though."

I walked up, still in the jeans I was in from yesterday, and I straightened them, mentally cursing myself remembering my aunt call my legs chunky and fat, and then I picked off the grey cardigan over my chest, along with a thick maroon scarf that went along with the design on my cardigan. They didn't call me the sassy Warbler for nothing, but then again, through bits of fashion and sass, I kinda was very insecure about myself and my body. Deciding against the grey cardigan, I optioned for a black blazer that made me look a bit better, and I turned around. I guessed this looked _way_ better right now.

David just sighed. "Do you actually see a different in that blazer or that cardigan? You look the same to me in both."

I raised an eyebrow at that. My inner Kurt mentally screamed at his inadequate fashion senses, sitting there looking like he was going to a business meeting. David always looked so prim and proper, dark trousers, shirt with a very trimmed up vest. He always looked really good and I was kinda jealous of him. David was as thin as a _stick_—yeah, I was a little shallow, but it was just 'cause people picked on me all of the time. I hated it. That was the only reason why I transferred to Dalton. I hated getting bullied because I like _food_. How was that not fair?

"Do you say that to Katherine? 'Cause that's probably why you two get into that many fights," I teased him. I was pretty quiet but I had my own quips. I didn't scream around flailing like Jeff, but I had my own quips sometimes, they were just said in a smaller voice, and a small smile that accompanied it instead of Jeff's stretched out 'I know what you did last Warbler meeting' smile.

He sighed, almost as if he didn't want to think about Katherine. I knew David and Katherine were practically always on rocky plane and shaky waters, but I didn't say anything about it. David didn't like changes in routine. I thought that David was OCD at first, and Wes, and Thad, kinda, because the minute you said something out of line, they got really frazzled and anxious. Except David can calm down so I guess if he did have a mild case, then it wasn't bad. Plus, David had everything lined perfectly, and didn't wear anything that can constitute as casual. Wes did, but he was still strict-like, _and forget Thad_. I didn't know how Thad ended up on the council last year. He was a bunch of sex jokes just waiting to pop out.

"No," his voice was quiet, like he was thinking about something and now it was my turn to ask him.

"How are you feeling, David?"

"I'm fine," David flustered now, and brought the coffee I just realised he was sipping to his lips, almost as if he was trying to avoid the conversation and that minute, Sebastian and Jeff walked in. Jeff looked overenthusiastic, and David spat out the coffee in his mouth.

Jeff ran to David, covering his mouth. "Ew, David!"

David sighed. Sometimes, we wondered if Jeff would reproduce. Jeff was no dumb blonde, but he was very innocent. He was pretty adorable too, even I had to admit that. And just between Kurt and I, he thought Jeff was so adorable he even considered dating him but Jeff's got his big blue eyes plastered on Nick's face for the…all of the year, all of the time, and Nick made David look like he noticed everything. Nick was smart and noticed things very quick but come crushes and love, Nick was so oblivious that if Jeff got him a parade, he'd write it off as cute and just _Jeff_.

Now, enter Jeff, who had enough courage to ask Nick out as Thad did when he wanted to tell Blaine that his bowties were stupid. Come on. Ican't just bare to see the look on Blaine's face, like those big puppy dog eyes and nobody could either, so that remained unwrapped for…well, forever. Unless Kurt finally blew up and told him that those bowties he wore were making him look very nerd-like and that if he continued, then he'd be pummelled to nothing. Sebastian was crossing his arms over his chest. Now, look, Jeff and Sebastian were very tall, thin people. It seemed like with every year they were getting taller and thinner (Sebastian), thus making me feel very self-conscious. I was 5'6, and I wasn't going to reveal my weight, but Sebastian was 6'2 and probably weighed half what I did.

Okay. I can admit that if he did weigh half what I did, then he'd be scary thin. Like anorexic type of thin.

So, I was staring at Sebastian and Jeff, and Jeff was suddenly looking at the tabloid that was in David's hands. "Oh, God, David! Don't tell me you read that tabloid talk and _believe_ them!"

"Other people _do_, Jeff," it seemed to be David's problem and his voice was getting considerably low.

Jeff snorted. It was something that Jeff rarely did, but he really hated tabloids. Especially after a bunch of them wrote that Jeff's brother, Joey, whom was in a band, was a tranny and Jeff still hadn't forgotten that incident. Jeff was pretty overprotective over people he really cared about. And he liked helping people. It was just Jeff. Jeff can't be Jeff if he didn't love _everyone_.

"I don't care what other people think," Jeff suddenly sounded out.

"Look. _It_ can feel anger," Sebastian decided to prod in the conversation with a smirk, and then walked towards Jeff to see that he was actually looking a little angry.

David's hands had expertly gone to a page, and then he'd shown them what he'd meant, and that was just then. Jeff's eyes widened and Sebastian looked like he was ready to honestly kill people. His ears had honestly turned pink, and there was a thick, humiliated flush to Sebastian's face that I'd never thought I'd see. He'd picked the tabloid from David's hands almost viciously, staring at it with eyes that were reading too quickly for him to actually form words or ideas or thoughts. He then threw it on the ground, stomping on it angrily like a child with a tantrum.

"Fuck Ohio." He suddenly stated, voice full of rage and fury. "Fuck Lima. Just fuck it all!"

Sebastian was being set up as a slut, made to look like one, and Blaine seemed so innocent. I supposed Blaine did get carried away when he drank. He was a really lightweight and can get drunk with a beer and the only reason he was a lightweight was because he barely drank due to its lovely effects unless he was offered and then Blaine was like a kid with candy and he couldn't resist the offer. He was _drunk_. How could it be his fault if he did anything out of 'dapper Blaine' line—? But I hardly believed their words. It made it seem as if Sebastian and Blaine slept, which in fact they didn't. I knew immediately because knowing Sebastian, if he did sleep with Blaine, he would've bragged about it to the rest of us, and used it to break them up, but Klaine was still going on strong as ever. Or that was what I thought.

"Oh, Sebastian," Jeff's face fell as he tried to hug Sebastian but Sebastian immediately pushed him away.

"You. Don't. Fucking. Understand." Sebastian didn't care to elaborate as he left with furious anger that burned into his blood. I thought I saw a hint of something in Sebastian's eyes almost as if it made me think, regret. Like he regretted something and he thought that he almost deserved this, shying away from Jeff's comfort in this case. David was silent and Jeff didn't move for a minute. Then I decided to walk slowly towards my bed and sit down beside David. The clatter of my shoe hitting the floor and making small noises totally broke the encompassing silence between us.

That was the last time I saw Sebastian Smythe for the next three days. Jeff tried banging on the door only to receive a very angry "GO AWAY!" and since David roomed in with Sebastian, he actually moved in with me. Jeff had to stay with another Warbler. Even with a lot of vacant rooms, Dalton seemed to think that it was a lot easier for us if we still had roommates so we wouldn't feel lonely and usually, that was the case, but Sebastian wanted to be alone. He kept the door locked all of the time, but Jeff passed by to keep containers of food that were never touched outside of Sebastian's room. I was kinda scared he'd wither away. I was a pretty emotional eater but I guessed that people like Sebastian didn't want food or he had food and just didn't want to open the door. I didn't know really. It was like a bunch of mysteries were happening behind the door that nobody but Sebastian knew.

Then on a day, Kurt decided to drop by. In ritualistic fashion, David had offered coffee first. Kurt took the decline. I didn't miss it when Kurt winced when he asked what David ordered and he said it was a non-fat mocha. Then Jeff came in with this really tall big guy and I felt like he can squish me. I recognised him from McKinley, of course, I mean – it was Finn Hudson, the quarterback, and I was pretty much shocked that he'd be here. Before I left McKinley, every girl in school wanted to sleep with him, but now, he looked pretty at ease with us. I knew he joined Glee, and that must've done something 'cause I knew for one thing that there, in McKinley, Glee club wasn't cool and that was the only reason why I didn't join. I didn't want to draw even _more_ attention to myself. I might as well had gone out with a sign saying _BEAT ME SLUSHIE ME I'M ALL YOURS, JOCKS_ by joining Glee. That was why I shuddered thinking of Blaine leaving and going there.

Yes. I kinda preferred Blaine over a lot of people, but it was only because Blaine was a really nice guy. He wouldn't do anything wrong. He had a good heart and good intentions. When I came to Dalton, he was the one that introduced me around and Jeff was really sweet when he bought me a muffin! Yes! And didn't say a single word about my weight. Usually, the jocks would stuff my face full of junk food just so they can call me Piggy Piggy, but not here. I was just…accepted. And that was just it, but now, I felt out of place, sitting here, with Sebastian and Kurt and Finn. I was just…really weirded out by what was going on.

"Hey," Finn sat down beside me. "I remember you." He then flinched. I guessed he remembered how many pee balloons he threw on me, or slushie facials, or dumping me in the dumpster – the only thing he hadn't attacked was my weight, and I didn't know why because it was the easiest way to break me down.

"Yeah."

Jeff didn't say anything as he sat down and got Finn a frappuccino full of whipped cream and chocolate syrup from the coffee machine, and then put a lid over the cup (why did the Warblers go to the Lima Bean when we had perfectly good coffee here? By a machine no less? Oh yeah, social scene. Plus, drinking the same coffee got boring sometimes, right?) and then he gave Finn one of his big cookies. Kurt snorted. "It's like Jeff and Finn know each other already."

I smiled softly, but I didn't know if it was holding up my mask. I didn't want to sit with the guy that shoved me around in high-school. I was still petrified of him. Kurt tried to encourage me with a smile. He noticed the tension too, and then I tried to sip my own frappuccino. I wondered what Kurt was thinking of me. Then he dully noted. "That blazer looks amazing with that scarf," he stared with admiration.

"Yeah?" I smiled at him. "It's totally vintage, too."

"I _knew_ it!" Kurt bellowed out happily. He looked like he had more life in him in a while now. Kurt made it so obvious when he felt down, and hurt.

I saw Finn smile tentatively. Apparently, something really was going on and they were here for something. David was curling his lip. I knew what he wanted to ask Kurt and bring up the tabloid again, but he already made Sebastian hurt, and didn't want to do it to Kurt too. But then, he asked Kurt. "So, how's your life?"

Kurt's face fell. We immediately knew that he had to be bullied because of the tabloid talk. He was sipping his non-fat mocha slower now and then sighed. I turned to look away because he looked so hurt.

Then Finn talked in. "People throw _stones_ at us," Finn looked angry now, the type of angry he did when he took it out on people. "They totalled Kurt's car and ruined it and now he needs a paint job and there's a dent in the back and they won't leave him alone! They called him really bad stuff, too, and it's _so_ not fair."

When he noticed me flinching, Finn frowned. "Look, I'm not gonna hurt you, dude. I'm not like what I was, okay?"

My mind processed that but my body didn't. I nodded my head slowly at him, but I still felt the years of bullying come down at me right then. I didn't know. Finn was silent now as Kurt leaned forward, putting his non-fat mocha down and then exhaling.

"We came here to see if Sebastian's okay."

"Oh," David registered and then flustered. "Okay?" he was awkwardly standing there. Jeff nodded and then his face fell as we followed him into the hall towards Sebastian's room…

* * *

_and the next chapter is in Jeff's POV. Not to worry. xD. we won't flash back to CoBlaine._

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	9. Chapter 9 – On a Plate

_a more enthusastic point of view. c:_

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_Chapter 9 – On a Plate_

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_Jeff's POV_

Hello. My name was Jeffery – Jeff – Sterling, and I was kind of a happy person. What wasn't there to be happy about? The sun, the stars, the birds (_Warblers_!) and then there was the most adorable thing on the planet, sent to me from somewhere out of this world on a plate of just pure adorableness – also called Nick Duval, but his name didn't do his amazingness justice. He can be every single name on the planet of a really great person _(like George Washington, Issac Newton, and Katy Perry) _and he'd still be just somehow more amazing and beautiful and perfect than his name was. And even though that Nick was at his parents (_aw! Whywhywhy_?), I was still my happy self as usual.

Summer! How can you not like summer? Who didn't like summer?

Well, there was Sebastian, but he hated _everything_. Even chocolate. Who didn't like _chocolate_? Well, Sebastian, but he didn't seem like a lot of people (or anyone really but _shh_, don't tell him I told anyone that!)

Speaking of Sebastian, he was really, really starting to worry me a lot. Like when I made that phone call to his Dad and he told Sebastian to jump off a cliff, I really nearly cried for him because my Dad would never, ever dare say that to me. My problems were big and exaggerated, no matter how small they were. When I was young, I used to cry every time they didn't show my favourite television show, which was admitted Courage the Cowardly Dog (wait! I just got that, how can he be called Courage if he was a coward—wow, don't tell anyone about that, Jeffro, they'd think you're an idiot), my Dad used to sit down for two hours trying to distract me until I forgot about it and then my Mom would call out and tell me that dinner was ready. Oh my God, I just loved my Mother's mac and cheese.

I wondered if Sebastian's Mom ever baked him mac and cheese. I didn't think so. Plus, Sebastian was one of the lightest people I've ever known so I was just guessing that he lived on lettuce and tomatoes, like Blaine. Blaine – oh my God, Blaine was so cute and _short_! How can you not love a cute and short person? Like Trent. I loved giving Trent food and drinks and I loved giving him really sweet stuff. I wasn't blind. I knew Trent was really conscious about his weight but I was trying to erase every one of those thoughts from Trent's mind because he looked perfect to me! He was, after all, the sassy Warbler for a reason, huh?

The thing about the Warblers was that everyone had a different personality, but we were all somehow interconnected. Everyone's personalities somehow overlapped into each other until we sort of got each other, like me with Trent's body issues, or sometimes, Thad would just get where Sebastian was coming from when he talked about power even though he was mildly disgusted by it, and pretty much enraged by some of his fallacies, and then there was the fact that Blaine and Nick always got each other. They just did. Like they were more than friends, like brothers. Okay. I may be a little overprotective of Nick and somewhat jealous so I didn't like it when they spent time with each other, especially since Nick and Blaine were like Facebook married, and it was like a Warbler thing to make fun of them for it. David and Wes just got each other, and since Wes had to go off to England to study, David had been really alone and I guessed that really effected his relationship with Katherine too. Also, like how sometimes, Trent knew stuff about me, and I knew stuff about him. He can glance at me and tell me what was bothering me and understand why I reacted the way I did. Sometimes, we needed that. It just became us. Now, the only one that wasn't really in this circle was Kurt, but at the same time he was. It was a friendship circle. Kurt had Blaine but that was another romantic circle. It wasn't the same.

When two people like them were in love, it was like the bond wasn't there. Kurt wouldn't know what Blaine meant, or Blaine wouldn't know what Kurt meant – it was like their minds completely shut off when they had their relationship. Almost as if they weren't just friends making out. If they were just friends making out then things wouldn't be so awkward. Kurt had sexy talks with Blaine all the time before they got together, but now, they were like (_excuse my term right now_) blushing virgins and barely did anything. They barely kissed. Everyone thought they were 'perfect' but really, they were kinda….

Well, Kurt. Blaine. Amazing lovers as friends. Bad lovers as lovers.

Did that make any sense? Yeah, maybe. To me. I knew they cared about each other, but they expressed it better when it was all platonic, and then they were in relationship mode and they picked a fight about every single thing. Seriously? Thad, who was the biggest gossip anyone can land their hands around, told me about a fight they had over Kurt texting some guy named Chandler and Blaine calling it cheating—I love Blainey and all but he got into this sort of blow-up-about-everything mode when he was really small and insecure. That was something Nick taught me. When Blaine was hurt, really hurt, or genuinely scared, he faced everything with courage (Duh! It was Blaine), but then he kept it all bottled up inside, so anything can set him off.

Oh, I was also jealous of Nick and Blaine because they went to the Sadie Hawkins Dance together and they totally got bashed in the head by three guys (_my poor Nicky! My cute Blainey_!), but I guessed maybe that was why I was super-attentive of Blaine and Nick, because they got together once – what's to say they weren't going to jump into each other's arms and 'remake the events of the Sadie Hawkins Dance'?

So, anyway, I was going to talk about Sebastian because Kurt, Finn, Trent, David and I were walking towards his room. My stomach really dropped when I saw all of that food I got for him in their containers and all. I was kinda guilty because what if he didn't like the food? I wanted to say that everyone loved cheese and bread, but then again, Sebastian wasn't just everyone. David was getting agitated as he knocked on the door with no response or avail. "Sebastian, open the fucking door!"

The plates made my stomach drop. I knew what I put in them. Had Sebastian not eaten anything for days now? I was kinda afraid I'd see a skeleton. Sebastian would look really scary if he dropped anymore weight and someone told me that people can lose like two or three pounds a day if they didn't eat. I watched as Sebastian finally gave up and opened the door and I thought that my heart just started to explode and hurt all over because Sebastian looked really sick. I meant like really bloodshot eyes, kind of sunken in cheeks that were even more hollow than before, and he looked like he lost a bit of weight too. Trent seemed to notice this, because he looked really disturbed right now. Sebastian looked like the walking dead (side note: that show is fabulous!) and David was staring at him with agape mouth.

"Have you bothered to look at the mirror?"

Sebastian shot him an annoyed look. "Father called."

I felt my stomach drop. He must've called his personal cell, as in he wanted that call to be _private_. Oh my God. I was now pale, remembering that call, and Sebastian's condition confirmed that something bad had happened. I opened my mouth to speak before Sebastian put his hand over my mouth. "Don't talk, Rugrat." I would've found this term really affectionate and sweet and I would've grinned at him in any other time, but right now, I just felt really, really sick, as if I was punched in the stomach and made to throw up my lunch (which was mac and cheese! Yes. I am so addicted).

I saw him look down at his feet, eyes dull.

"Sebastian—"Kurt was beginning but Sebastian cut him off.

I knew Kurt didn't know how bad his Father was. "He wants to press charges against Blaine for 'soiling' me," Sebastian humourlessly laughed. I thought Trent just got really pale and sick. I knew Sebastian's Dad that was for sure – he told Santana he was a state attorney or something, or so I heard from Thad and his…pretty reliable information actually – but everyone knew Jean Smythe's corporations around here. They actually _funded_ Dalton and that was the only real reason that Sebastian was allowed to throw us around like a bunch of slaves and order us around. We never needed a Captain. We had a council, but then Jean practically brought the whole school to say 'do whatever Sebastian says or else!', and I remembered that one kid actually stood up to Bas and they _expelled_ him and now he can't get into any school! It was really crazy what power money can really give.

"_What_?" Kurt was eying him hard.

"And he sued the tabloid and he actually got a court case against it. I have a fucking lawyer." It was obvious Sebastian was really disgusted by everything going on. He looked like he wanted to crawl in bed and sleep forever. He actually also looked like that was all he was really doing right now. "What do you care? He made all of Lima go against you and made you sound like being a prude bitch is a bad thing."

"Hey, don't talk about Kurt like that," Finn defended, but it sounded very weak, because whilst his words were still as spiteful as ever, Sebastian's condition was sending us all in a spin. He looked like he needed reassurance and help and comfort, but he also looked like if you touched him, he'd break your bones. Kurt can see it too. Sebastian looked back up at Kurt, his eyes hard, but he couldn't say anything.

"Sebastian, call him and tell him that you wanted to get into his pants."

The look on Sebastian's face was near priceless as he erupted into laughter, shaking his head. "One, my Father will never believe that because I'm his sweet little angel—"

"—he told you to jump off a cliff when I called him and told him you felt really lonely—"

"—my Father is under a lot of stress," Sebastian snapped back coldly, in defence of him. This can mean either ways, either he called to apologise later on Sebastian's cell, or he and Sebastian were just humouring me when I called and Jean thought it would be funny to scare the shit out of me because Sebastian didn't seem so hurt. Or there was the third, the home was abusive and Sebastian needed to support his Father but that was far and seemed too surreal, so I just stuck with the evilness being in the Smythe family blood. "Secondly, if I did, he will beat me up and kill me. And then shoot me and then revive me so he can beat me up again," he sounded so serious that the hint of attempted humour didn't sway anyone.

I was nearly flinching when he looked back at Kurt.

"Just do it."

"Why don't you, Hummel?"

"You think he'll believe me?" Kurt sounded incredulous, but then nodded. "Fine. I think he will. I think I'll show him the tape of you slushying my boyfriend before—"

"—I destroyed that tape—"

"—Santana always has a back-up and she gave it to me before she left," Kurt called and now, I was feeling really sick, because I knew what was in that tape because I heard it. Even though Dalton won't do anything about it really (what can they do? The reason they had a new more advanced programme was because of the money the Smythe's kept pumping in), the police might, and the fact that Burt was in congress would just mean a lot for Sebastian and who knew? _Maybe they can write it off as attempted murder, oh my God_—

Sebastian looked defeated as he picked up his phone and put it on speaker. "Bonjour, Father. Comment ça va ?"

Hello, Dad. How are you doing?

Okay. I was barely passing French, but at least I can get the basics.

"Sebastian," the man's voice was thick with its accent. "Why are you calling me? Did they hurt you? Do you want me to put court action right now?" and now, I was shocked. I didn't know Sebastian's Father was overprotective of him. With the way Sebastian acted was that they didn't really care…but why would Sebastian act like that if it wasn't true?

"Father, I don't want any court order," Sebastian attempted, voice weak. I knew he was trying to show Kurt something, but I didn't know what it was. Or was he trying to show all of us something? Anyway, I had a very bad feeling about the call anyway…

"What? But he—_he took away my straight baby boy's virginity_! It's _rape_!"

Kurt's eyes widened. Apparently, he hadn't guessed Sebastian to be a closeted case, and neither did any of us. This was Sebastian whom came to Dalton with a story about a new guy every single weekend, that drank himself to the freaking death. "We didn't sleep with each other," Sebastian ensured, and then bit down his lower lip. "They're just a bunch of fucking tabloid magazines, right? Take pictures and caption them so wrong."

"Those pictures are real."

Sebastian nodded as if the man was physically there. "Those pictures are real," and the confirmation broke my heart. "I'm gay. I tried to sleep with him. He actually backed down, several times. His boyfriend did reject him and I think he called Nick to drive him home or so…and…I'm _gay_." He said the last bit again as if his Father wasn't practically wrapping his head around this.

The line went dead. "Father? Father?" Sebastian called out again, but this time, shut his phone and then gave Kurt a hard, dark look. Kurt looked very guilty, but at the same time, he looked tired, as if this entire scene had drawn him out and he just wanted to fall asleep. I really didn't know, but the last thing that happened was Kurt looking up at Finn and telling them to leave. Finn shot a look at Sebastian, almost in disappointment but then along the lines, sorrow, and then turned away with Kurt's hand on his elbow, leaning in for a comfort he was starved of.

This time, there was nothing on my plate but a broken Sebastian, a tired Kurt, and thoughts so frazzled they were too empty to exist on the silver white platter of my mind. Everything kinda seemed like a dark void hanging on me, but at the same time, like it didn't exist, like it was light as lettuce and air. Like it was all conjured up in my brain and I can't process anything anymore.

I just really needed to call Nicky right now.

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	10. Chapter 10 – The Start of the End

_Warnings for minor character death (more specifically OC character death). Also, strong mentioning of alcohol/sexual addiction that will continue in the later chapters (I can't promise not mentioning heavier material, but that's all I can do for now so be on the lookout because it _might_ get trigger-y and I often forget to forewarn people!)_

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_Chapter 10 – The Start of the End_

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_Blaine's POV_

The nights were full of restlessness. Kurt wouldn't answer any of my calls. Cooper won't look at me without his anger piercing through my skull. I was very numb and couldn't think of anything right about now, as if everything was unravelling too quickly and I didn't know how to react to anything any longer. Jennifer was very touchy with me and Liam was getting extremely jealous. I didn't know how to react to that, so I just buried my face into my sandwiches. I was nervous on set, and ate, and ate, and ate, and at night, I boxed and exercised and burned it all off, not intentionally of course – I boxed when I was stressed, and right now, I was running on waves of stress. It seemed too long ago that I was inhaling the scent of Kurt's skin, lavender, as I was too consumed by sweat most of the time. My eyes were an endless void of nothingness, and I didn't even try to plaster any other emotion sans the set I was working in.

Andrea had driven me over. She was still in disbelief at how they can make Sebastian seem like a slut, and then her Android rung when she was driving me in her sleek Mercedes-Benz, and she answered it, pressing on a button on her car, and then we heard the gruffly sound of a man. "Andrea?"

"Father," she called out, blushing and then put her finger across my lips, indicating that I shouldn't speak before returning to the wheel to take me to set. The breakfast of muffins Andrea basically shovelled down my throat, telling me I needed it was now a hard rock in my stomach and the coffee I was sipping turned cold and tasteless as Andrea spoke out to her caller, her…Sebastian's Father.

"What happened to Sebastian?"

She flustered and then took a wrong turn. She drove across the lane with the intention of going back to her original turn, as she took a deep breath.

"What do you mean, Father?" her voice sounded innocent, like she really had no clue what he was talking about then I felt something harden in my stomach. Sebastian and Andrea played innocent and sweet to him, they must have, because if the man knew the real Sebastian Smythe, he'd probably disown his son right then and there for abusing the power that he'd given him. At that thought, I sunk lower in my seat, sipping even slower so I didn't make even the smallest of sounds.

"He's _gay_ and he tried to get into a _boy's_ _pants_," he spat them out venomously and suddenly, I knew he was talking about me. "He told me." Now, this was a shocker and it plastered to my face. Andrea's eyes widened, almost as if she really couldn't believe that it was true – that her little innocent baby brother was really a sexual predator. I bit my tongue back and didn't say any of the rather vivid stories and texts Sebastian had sent me asking us to hook up, to ensure that idea into Andrea's head. "He tried to get into Blaine Anderson's pants."

What was so great about my pants anyway? I sighed erratically, but it wasn't enough to be noticed over the bad reception he was getting from Paris to LA.

"Sebastian wouldn't do that," Andrea defended her brother, but it was more-so for herself, to maintain the fact that her little baby brother wasn't going around _having sex_ with men.

"Sebastian's been doing it, hasn't he?"

I suddenly blurted out words I should not have said. "It's not that Sebastian and I had sex or anything. He did call me sex on a stick and that I sing like a dream once…and he…sometimes does it. I mean, he's a grown teenage boy. He kinda has needs and all, and besides, Bas is pretty impatient. We talked and texted but I assure you, Mr Smythe, we have never, ever had sex and I won't allow it, even though Sebastian has…a slight obsession with me that I would rather not talk about."

There was silence. Andrea was still taking this in and she took a turn left in the direction of the studio. My breathing got worse as Sebastian's Father finally spoke. "I can't believe I raised him wrong."

That was when Andrea hit the brakes, and I was sent nearly crushed in the glass. "You didn't raise him!" Andrea suddenly called out, angrily. "Yes, he's your adorable little prince and you love him like any parent should and he's your little angel and all! He's everyone's little angel. He's Sebastian. We promised we'd take care of him—but you did not raise him. I raised him! He's my baby brother and I raised him! You didn't do anything! You weren't there for him when he needed you! Not as much as I was and you know what? He worshipped you. I think he still does worship you and…"

Andrea took a deep breath, pulling herself backwards. "…yeah."

Andrea drove slower now, and her eyes looked dull and lifeless. Andrea continued to speak, voice losing its anger, and was now dull. "He's gay. He isn't demented. He's still the same little kid we knew and you're gonna throw that all away because he loves guys? Because he sleeps with them? It hurts me too, you know, that Sebastian thinks so poorly of himself, especially when we've done nothing but fill his ego, but we noticed it too, didn't we? _He copied you,_ but he wasn't _you_, Father. He was just…little. He was so _little_."

Her Father didn't respond as she stopped towards the studio but she didn't get out and neither did I. "Why does Sebastian do this to himself?"

My head was reeling. I felt like I knew too much about Sebastian right now and I wanted to push it away. I suddenly began to feel my head fill in with clouds, aimlessly wondering and thinking of things I'd never thought of before, such as the reasons for Sebastian's obsession with me and if I reminded him of anyone he knew.

"Same reason why Maman does," and now, there was a certain heaviness in her voice.

"Sebastian is _not_ her."

Andrea gasped out but then she shook her head. "That isn't true, and you know it. Sebastian's just like her, you know it."

"Nathalie's dead. You don't speak of the dead like that. He's nothing like her—"

"Father, you lost her to this. Do you want to lose Sebastian too?"

My eyes widened. I didn't know what to think. With that, Andrea shut the line and I grabbed her wrist in wonderment. She seemed to understand that I wanted to know more before she opened up her wallet and showed me a picture of a perfect-looking woman with blonde hair, and big green eyes, that looked suspiciously like Sebastian. "You got your hair…"

"From my Father," she cut me off. "My Mother dyed her hair." She actually looked like Sebastian as well, long face, elongated nose, thin lips, a slight smirk to her red lips, green eyes that suppressed so much emotion, eyes lined with thick eyeliner and eyelashes obviously fake, with short curly blonde hair that came to her shoulders.

"She's dead?"

Andrea shut her eyes and then nodded her head. "Alcohol intoxication. She was a lesbian and was in another girl's arms when we found her. They were both dead. We couldn't save her. The girl woke up and cried. I think she loved my Mother. I think she still thinks of her. I think they were beautiful together, but I couldn't do anything about it. It happened recently. Sebastian still thinks they're _both_ alive. He wouldn't understand. _He doesn't know_."

"Why not?" I asked, but my mind already knew the answer.

Andrea's eyes filled with tears. "So he wouldn't be like her. Because I'm afraid if he found out, it'll be the end of him too."

My heart hammered in my chest even though I immediately knew the minute I'd seen their reactions around Sebastian being a little sexually invested, and I felt myself grow sick with faint realisation of truly just how much Sebastian was throwing away as if it had meant nothing, his body, mercilessly abused by mounds of drink, and men taking him on and on every night – or him taking them on, until there was nothing left in the night, but him staying there, body used, body owned by other people, too many people –

I bit down my tongue. It sounded like a form of self-mutilation until one of them snapped. I had a sudden urge to reach out and help Sebastian Smythe, but now that I thought about it, it would drive a bigger wedge between Kurt and I, especially knowing I would be in contact with Sebastian. I loved Kurt, but I loved helping people and Sebastian suddenly felt like he needed someone and another part of me was screaming that he always needed someone and I'd always pushed it away, but why help him now? I almost always vaguely knew that Sebastian threw away his body for a reason, belittled himself, as he swung himself towards another body. He acted like he was full of pride but his actions showed that he was full of doubt, afraid of commitment. Afraid of what came with love. I didn't know what to think, as my mind was fuzzy.

"You need to be on set, now," Andrea reminded me, and I stepped out. I looked back at her and she simply promised. "I'll drive you back home later, okay?"

My mind was still foggy with thought. I truly didn't believe her for a while after all I'd said and let out in the open, letting them face the demons of the past on misplaced syllables and words I didn't mean to say, but said them anyway, even though I knew their strengths, their effects…somewhat, somewhere in my mind I've always known. I walked inside of the set, with the fakest smile I could plaster, and Jennifer immediately scrambled towards me, nearly throwing herself into my arms in attempts of so. I pulled her away, not wanting her body anywhere near me, not wanting her to touch me. I had learned my lines perfectly, having nothing to do as I locked myself whilst Cooper drunk himself senseless. My big brother was scaring me. I didn't think he ate or slept anymore, just went out and drank and drank and came back wasted until he threw everything up. I can hear him. It kept me awake sometimes. Cooper was not handling this well at all. All I can see was him collapsing on the ground. I truly wanted to help, but Cooper wouldn't want to see my face. I caused enough problem and enough damage.

I had worn those horrible heeled boots, as we filmed another scene. The balcony scene. My heart was practically made out of lead. I can hear the own misery in my voice. It matched this scene perfectly, and this caused Garrett to pull me over to a one-sided hug and offer me a bagel. I took the buttered piece of carbohydrate and ate it then something frazzled in my mind – _I'm going to gain a pound_, Kurt's words just before I left, and suddenly, the bagel was much too stodgy and the butter was full of fat trailing down my throat.

I grabbed onto Rachel's journal and I wrote. I wrote in the pink journal words I would never say to anyone, about Kurt, about Cooper, about myself, about how stupid and irrational everything was. I'd felt better a moment afterwards, and then had replaced the small pink journal back into my backpack before Liam would catch me with it and snicker it, and use it as a ploy to take Jennifer away from me – which I wished he'd damn well do already! I sat down in a chair with a woman working on my make-up and I was trying hard not to cry. Dory kept on applying the foundation before the blusher and I was teetering on the edge of tears.

This all reminded me of Kurt, the kind of flowery scent in the air, the make-up were all brands Kurt used – Kurt, you have the same make-up as Hollywood! I really just wanted Kurt around me right now. I can't smell flowers without smiling. I remembered Kurt and I's exchange of flowers. I'd given him a pair of thick, red roses whilst he had given me platonic-like lilies. Since then, it was always tradition that I'd get him the roses whilst he'd got me the lilies. Roses were Kurt. It was the essence of him. It was all of what he was, and the lavender with it, almost too delicate to be a rose, but too strong to remain one.

I picked out my phone and just texted him, hoping he'd reply.

_Blaine: on set, thinking of you, Prada bear x_

Prada bear, aka parody of polar bear, since polar bears made Kurt think I was calling him fat, furry and making fun of how pale he was. So then, Prada bear was born. I was his Bowtie bear.

I didn't expect a reply.

_Kurt: Blaine, what is that?_

Blaine: I just thought to send you a cute text, 'cause…you know, to make you happy. I love you, you know? Even with everything, I love you.

And I couldn't stop thinking about you, Kurt, but that sounded too stalkerish right about now. I didn't want to spill anymore even though I had a million more things to say that even "I love you" couldn't cover right about now.

_Kurt: Blaine, I'm really angry and hurt._ My stomach dropped. He knew how much I hated it when he used those words.

_Blaine: Kurt, can we be okay right now?_

_Kurt: Blaine, you're in Hollywood._

_Blaine: but can we? Kurt, I swear, I swear to God that I don't want or need anyone but you right now. _And I thought I was falling apart at the seams, but I couldn't add that. Perfect Blainey didn't get to feel sad because he had the best fucking role in the world and he should just appreciate it. My face plastered with pain. I had to pretend to wear a mask and hope it didn't slip by, because people would kill for the opportunity I had, people like Kurt and Rachel that worked their asses off for parts like these. Like…like Cooper.

_Kurt: …okay._

I knew that "Okay". That was a "I really want to, so I'll try, but you really hurt me, Blaine" sort of okay. I hated that okay. I hated everything about it. A lot of people would say that everything was just starting to open up for Blaine Anderson, that was he was going to bud and flower and everything was so damn perfect, but it was really the start of the end of something I once harboured – normalcy, and how absurd that was, I just wanted to be so ridiculously normal right now. I just wanted Kurt right now.

Oh, God.

I just hated that "Okay"…

* * *

_read Sebastian's chapter. he doesn't know that Nathalie is dead...yet. _

_all the Sebangst. :)_

_and yes, the woman his Mom was with will be covered soon. AND CHANDLER. IN THE 13TH CHAPTER._

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	11. Chapter 11 - Honey

_we got a Rachel chapter before Chandler. okay. _

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_Chapter 11 – Honey_

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_Rachel's POV_

There were many questions that were unsolved in the world. Like Finn's question of whether or not that honey was vegan. After much research, some decided it was okay since the point of veganism was to save the animals, but far more insects were killed more in sugar production than bees were in honey production but then again, furthermore, honey was in fact a produce _from_ an animal. I prided myself in being vegan, but in my defence, whilst I enjoyed my days of putting honey on my toast, I had also found an amazing vegan "honey" substitute that was just splendid so all thoughts of honey went away. The current unsolved mystery I faced today was how was it that Blaine Anderson got to be in the Hunger Games.

Staring numbly at my screen where everyone seemed to know the circulated news around Lima, my face felt had lost its feeling from the shock, that Blaine can have such a role, an astounding beautiful role. Stardom was just around the corner. I hadn't answered Finn's texts at all yet, even though I should've, because I was thinking of all the possibilities of _this_. How could I, Rachel Berry, not use the star potential here? If Blaine can put around a few good words for me…

At that thought, I picked up my phone, still manoeuvring from texts sent over a series of days that I will just excuse later on by saying I had vigorous practice and planning – which was somewhat true as I was planning my future via Blaine Anderson aka _Peeta Mellark_ for God's sake! – and then found myself texting Blaine asking if he'd put in a few words for me. He finally texted back a yes and I felt like I was dancing on stars (yes, a complete Rachel Berry reference one hundred and eight degrees here but I could care less) – Blaine was putting a good word for me. I can almost taste fame and success on my tongue.

Just to be sure, I should probably talk to some reporters…they'd love to hear some stories about Blaine, wouldn't they? Of course it was a bit wrong but I'd keep it very easy, maybe tell them the colour of Blaine's sock collection or bowtie collection and tell them about the kind of food he ate and the stuff he drank. Very simple general things that they couldn't twist around with their lying tongues. So sue me if I, Rachel Berry, knew things about Blaine, stuff I paid attention to – I did have a small crush on him, so I did pay attention to various things that I never knew would come quite this handy once in my life.

So I called and set up an appointment with a local journalist. Upon hearing this, she actually called me back and said she contacted a far more important journalist. Now, sick with guilt, I couldn't very well think, but then again, Blaine was living a life of glamour. It was working out for him, and Kurt…or that was when Kurt last talked to me. He actually hadn't been answering any of my calls. Leave it to Kurt to actually be a drama queen in these circumstances – yes, I knew that was contradictory. I, Rachel Berry, was probably the biggest drama queen ever, but at the same time, Kurt can out-drama-queen me any time, and then there were those instances where he was completely diva and right and I was left standing there dumbfounded.

The interview was between me and young, vibrant reporter whose name was in fact Crista. Then I realised her name when I stared at the tag. Crista Lopez. _Santana's Mother_.

That meant that either Santana didn't know, didn't want to stoop this low because she was 'worth more than some crap she can sell to a tabloid', or that she already did. Suddenly, my mind buzzed by to the photos. I knew Jewfro took pictures, and followed some of the Gleeks around in attempt to makes something seem good and Jewfro was mostly scared of Santana. She could've easily gotten the pictures. She would've – then I realised with faint shock that Santana was the reason that Kurt would be known as a prude, and Sebastian was a slut. Now that I thought about it, Santana was all bite – this could definitely be one of her schemes. I found myself smiling as I offered to make Crista some tea.

She nodded nonchalantly, looking very happy and sweet for someone who was supposedly _Santana's_ Mother – and I stood up and walked towards the kitchen to make her some tea. My mind drifted as I placed the teabag in the boiling hot water, mixed in with cardamom-tasting milk, and mild rose water – Rachel Berry didn't do anything _halfway_ – and when I was sure that the milk was a nice shade of beige that wasn't too light nor too dark, I threw the teabag into the trashcan and walked, feeling the warmth and scent of the cup cajole me.

Crista had taken the cup with a sufficient nod on her head, as she complimented how light it tasted. I smiled back, but it was a very small, uncertain smile and I could feel my doubt on my face.

"So, what do you know about Blaine Anderson?" she asked, voice silky sweet.

I tried to go back to what I wanted to talk about, basic information, barely anything that anyone can twist. I didn't think Crista looked like the type to twist the words around with those warm sweet eyes, and that beautiful complexion that made me almost want to turn gay. I smiled at her softly, and then began. "Well, Blaine has an extensive sock and bow-tie collection, with many colours…actually…" I had flipped through my iPhone and then picked up a picture towards her. She pulled out her own iPhone much to my displeasure and told me to send it to her.

I sent her a few pictures of Blaine in bow-ties, or in the choir room chairs, with those colourful socks and creatively beautiful expressions – okay, so maybe I wasn't totally over it after that kiss and that wonderful date and I may be slightly jealous of Kurt for obtaining such a beautiful jewel – and their relationship was very shaky right now, and I doubted that this interview would make it any better. In an instant, I felt it gaining my advantage towards Blaine, because I knew I felt something during that kiss, but then again, I felt my heart sink deeper because _Kurt_. Kurt, being hurt, Kurt, my best gay friend, _Kurt_!

"He likes to eat moderately healthy," I began then I drifted off, remembering him drenching his salad in dressing and then the amount of brown sugar he put in his bowls of cereal, and soy milk when he drank it. I flustered. "Except for the fact that Blaine likes taste and flavour, so he sometimes overdoes it on the salad and can be somewhat of a sugar tyrant." I laughed, and Crista's eyes were definitely glowing as she wrote it on the notebook, not taking her eyes away to look at my face at any given moment about now.

"Can I look at your phone?"

I knew my pictures by heart, all of those with Blaine, so I just nodded towards her. I felt something sinking in my stomach though – there wasn't anything on my phone that she can use to _hurt_ Blaine with, right? – I resisted the urge to peer as she sent herself a few photos and I felt my face plastering with fear and anxiety. My heart was practically racing, almost as if I can see a picture of Blaine naked on a billboard at any given time, but I shook my head. I didn't have _those_ kinds of pictures in my phone. But I wondered what could potentially be used against Blaine. It couldn't be that bad, right? They were _very_ harmless pictures in my opinion! Calming myself down, I almost wished I'd had made myself a cup of tea to drink – when I had realised I was drinking a small amount of heated Alpro chocolate soymilk to make hot chocolate before she had arrived so I picked the mug, feeling suddenly childish for drinking chocolate soymilk in front of a well-known international reporter…that was Santana's Mother, no less.

She suddenly spoke up. "Do you have a picture of Kurt Hummel then?"

I had shown her how Kurt looked like, and suddenly, her eyes widened. She was quickly sending pictures and I took that as a very bad sign, as she looked through my phone, tapping across the screen to send. I almost wished she was one of those people who could barely operate an iPhone and then tried to find solace in the chocolaty taste of the soymilk in my hands, but to no avail. She had finally given me back my iPhone and then finally asked. "What can you tell me about Kurt Hummel then?"

"He, will, he's not very interested in sports. His Father just recently had a heart attack so he was very kind and caring and took care of him. He has an amazing voice, and can hit a high F and a high A flat. He has an astounding vocal range, and he also can spot trends in the male fashion industry that I didn't even know existed. He has an amazing moisturising routine in the morning and at night. He's very ambitious in his work and hasn't even ever missed a piano lesson. He has a stepbrother named Finn Hudson that's the quarterback of the McKinley football team. They get along quite well together right now."

She seemed to scribble this down and then bite her lower lip as she looked him. "Okay, then, what can you tell me about Blaine and Kurt?"

"Well, in Glee, we call them Klaine and when they kiss, if they ever kiss, it's a kliss. They have each other's pictures in their lockers. Kurt has one with 'Courage' written underneath a picture of Blaine, and Blaine has one of Kurt's campaign posters when he tried to run for class president – but I guess they're getting a bit off now because they have to schedule make-out sessions…" now my eyes widened but Crista was writing more furiously at that. "But they love each other. I mean they went to prom together, twice, and Kurt has a picture of them on his nightstand—"

"That is all," she looked elated as she walked outside and my eyes widened.

Oh my God.

Rachel Berry, what did you _do_?

And skidding like honey on a piece of toast, I knew that the slow corruption of Klaine would be because of me. Oh God. Oh no. Then my heart pounded harder and harder in my chest until I saw that my iPhone was buzzing, and a small beautiful picture of Kurt in the yearbook last year was staring back at me, with that brilliant smile, and those honest blue eyes. I thought my heart sunk a little lower as I answered the phone, and with a soft voice, I finally said. "Kurt?"

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	12. Chapter 12 – A Snippet of Clarity?

_Warnings for Finchel/Klaine bashing/doubt. More specifically anti-Finchel bashing (for all of you Finchel fans, steer away from this!) Not that I hate Finchel (I dislike them, but I definitely like _writing_ it!) how weird is that? Also, slight mention of borderline abusive relationships (but I guess if you watch Glee, and you got to Season 3, this can be OK-ish, not graphic mentioning! :D). _

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_Chapter 12 – A Snippet of Clarity? Possibly_

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_Kurt's POV_

"Kurt?"

Rachel sounded somewhat hectic, and if I'd known her, it was most likely distress from skipping a vocal lesson, or a dance lesson, which caused me to shift my eyes, as I hadn't seen her in my vocal lesson today, but apparently, I was punched senselessly by a boy named Matthew that said that I must have liked it rough like the self-obsessed bitch I was and I couldn't stand it anymore. I thought that was the final straw when I walked inside, with a very nasty-looking bruise to my face, and another one on my neck that my Father finally decided to not allow anything to happen to me ever again. He was just so sick of me walking inside with a new bruise on my face, or a cut, or a wound that was there simply because I rejected having sex with Blaine, because I had self-respect for Blaine, but regardless of the situation, Sebastian would be suffering too but he locked himself behind Dalton walls. My heart suddenly weighed heavier thinking of Sebastian and the way his Father had shut the phone when Sebastian finally came out to him.

The gay community in Lima was treating atrociously and right now, slushie, blackmail or not, Sebastian would need people around him to assure him. "Rachel." I bit down my lower lip. "Rachel, my Father can't take it anymore. He's really going to do something about this." And then in bleak realisation, I had never talked about Rachel about the excessive bullying that Lima had given me, so to that, I just took a deep breath and retold the story.

"Blaine's doing the Hunger Games which I'm also ninety percent sure you know. He's playing Peeta. There was a tabloid, calling me prude and Sebastian a slut that Lima didn't react very nicely too and now, I'm just sitting here, being thrown around like I'm nothing, Rachel. Like not being sexual with Blaine in that car is something _bad_. Like I should've jumped in bed with him—"My mind reeled at that moment. We _did_ have sex by the end of it, but it was beautiful, it was sweet and it was everything it should be. Now, at the thought of this, my stomach curled up in itself and I couldn't bear do anything else, but just think of that moment, holding Blaine's hand, staring into those eyes and just _knowing_. "—Rachel, I don't _know_. I just…Rachel, he's trying to get Finn to be a bodyguard for me. He got my car fixed and he tinted my windows so nobody would know it was me. He even discussed potentially dying my hair, or wearing sunglasses when I go out, like I was a crook that just got out of jail that didn't want any trouble! This isn't _fair_."

My mind was spinning. I just didn't know. I didn't want my windows tinted. I didn't want Finn to be glued to me twenty-four seven. I didn't want to wait for Finn to be home if I wanted to do a quick grocery run. I didn't want any of this. I just wanted it all to be over, and for them to stop taunting me, to stop physically hurting me. It was like everyone was pushing me to an extent that I didn't even know. I was breathing heavily, unable to think. There was no clarity, just a vast road that blurred with each step I did take. I felt shut down. I tried to act as normal as possible, especially around my Father, because he noticed it when I was a little off. I sat down in meals, had food taste like ashes in my mouth, and my Father was practically clinging onto me. In DC, he called. When he was in DC, I could fall apart. Carole knew. Carole knew I was just trying to remain strong enough so my Father wouldn't retaliate but this was his final straw. _You're a strong boy, kiddo. I've got to hand it to you, but this isn't right, okay? I'm not gonna watch them keep on hitting you like this. It isn't getting any better. It's just gotten worse, and fuck it if I was going to let them hurt you anymore than they already have._

"Kurt, calm down," Rachel was my voice of clarity right now, and I only wanted my body to obey her words, but it just made me even more jittery and aloof. I thought of calling Blaine again, but yet again, my mind was bombarded by the reality – it _wasn't_ Blaine's fault. It was never Blaine's fault, so I should stop pinning it on him and he wanted to make this right. He was dying to find a way. He signed a contract. I knew Hollywood, and he can't back down right now. It was _his name_ on those signs and I loved him enough to go through with it, did I? Rachel sighed softly, breaking me out of my train of self-doubt and thoughts. I was just so horribly freaked out that I was thinking things that I never thought. Two weeks ago, if you asked me if I loved Blaine, I would answer in a voice that spoke volumes of emotions. Right now, it would still be the same, but I just needed to physically see Blaine right now. Suddenly, the dates we had were flashing before my eyes – everything was a thing of the past. _Blaine was a celebrity right now._ A _celebrity_ face. A _famous_ person.

And after the movie would be out, that would be _it_. Everyone would know him. Everyone did already know him, but he'd be even more fabulous, more glamorous, and it would lower me. NYADA would probably take me in, give me everything I wanted just because I spun from a talent such as Blaine's, but I will make a name for myself in those lights. I will figure this out. I had to. I found myself standing up just a bit higher, feeling my mind burn with thoughts I didn't think I could think. "I'll see you, Rachel—"

"Kurt, wait." Now, her voice was laced with guilt, the kind of guilt that made me tremble. "I talked to a reporter. I talked…to Santana's Mom."

My mind was reeling with sudden thoughts as I bit down my lower lip, which was trembling and shaking. "_Rachel, what did you do_?" I just realised that there was no anger in my voice. I wasn't angry. I was petrified. I was scared. And I thought my lack of anger was worse in Rachel's mind, like she'd rather have me angry than have me feeling so afraid and distressed.

"I think…I don't know," her voice was low. "She asked me about Blaine, general stuff, basic things. And about you. I said all the good things about you, I promise, Kurt and then she asked about you both and I accidentally let it slip…that you schedule your make-out sessions and she lit up like a light on a Christmas tree. I'm really sorry, Kurt."

"Rachel," my voice was aghast. She can easily make it seem as if we weren't in love, that we were just putting up a front for everyone else. They didn't know the story, Blaine's fear about me leaving for NYADA and forgetting about him and suddenly, I understood that fear all too well, Blaine fleeing for Hollywood and forgetting me. Forgetting I even existed, our romance, our love, but he'd assured me, like I've assured him. Thinking back at it, something lifted off my shoulders, and I found a small smile making its way to my lips. Blaine was trying. He was trying so _hard_ and I had to at least try for him, too, right? "Rachel, why?"

"Well, I thought since Blaine was famous, if I was putting around a few words here and there—"

"Rachel!" I exclaimed, my mind going numb. "You're _using_ him?" I would never even think about doing that, not to Blaine. And he would never, ever do that to me. I was horrified of making it big that way. I hated the thought that that would be the reason why I'd be oh-so-fabulously known Kurt Hummel; because that was the way it was panning out.

"Kurt—"

"He's my boyfriend, Rachel. My _boyfriend_." And right then, I realised that despite it all, I would still run across a parade to defend Blaine if it came to that. He'd do the same for me, throwing away everything and professing his love on television, but I just didn't know. It felt so eerie. He cared so much, yet in my mind, it was not enough. I felt disgustingly needy, but I did need him. I needed his physical form right now, not promises made over the phone – I wondered if this was how Blaine would feel when I'd be gone. The bullying would've gotten worse for him, but not now, I supposed, now that he was so beautifully famous and loved.

"Do you hate him or do you love him, Kurt? Because a few days ago, you were ready to kill him for a tabloid he had nothing to do with!" in natural Rachel Berry fashion, despite any guilt she might feel, or she did feel, she would defend herself. Being her 'best gay' I supposed made me realise that even if Rachel was burning with guilt, she'd still try to lessen it. Rachel just hated being responsible and guilty. I couldn't blame her for that sometimes, but these were one of the times where I just hated her for it.

"Sounds exactly like a day with you and Finn."

She froze at this and didn't speak for a while. "Don't you dare bring Finn into this—"

"Why not?" I spat out, my mind reeling with the constant abuse Finn had gotten from Rachel and if it had been the other way around, we might've even marked it as a borderline abusive relationship. Finn always took it. From Rachel, from Quinn and currently, I was just sick of seeing my brother being thrown around like he was _nothing_. Carole might have never noticed, nor Burt, but I did and Blaine did. "Because you _pressure_ him into going to New York. You didn't consider what he wanted until later on, but you still kept on pushing New York New York until he finally cracked because the Army isn't the choice you wanted to hear. It's like you're testing my brother. You're controlling and you're controlling him like a little puppy—"

"Like you and Blaine are any better!" Rachel snapped back at me. "_So, Blaine, would you go to Prom with me even though you got your head bashed? Oh, Blaine, you're safe at Dalton from being slushied, come with me to McKinley because I really can't stand driving two hours to see you! Oh, you're so perfect, Kurt, aren't you? I can't choose to be gay, Rachel, but Finn, isn't Quinn enough to make you stop wanting girls all together_? You don't even deserve Blaine—"

I shut the phone. She hit _that_ point in me. Almost immediately, had Finn walked in, looking down at his feet. "I heard my name, dude." And then I can tell he was registering the look in my face, before biting his lower lip. "Hey, I thought you said you were talking to Rachel."

I nodded my head slowly. "I told her that I didn't like your relationship because she was controlling and that your relationship can even be borderline abusive, and she thought to point out that I pressured Blaine into going to McKinley and Prom and that I didn't deserve him, but apparently, I probably deserve the bullying or something because I let Blaine out in the open like that." Right now, the hot, fresh tears were stinging into my eyes. I didn't even know what I was thinking until the words rolled out of my tongue and then they hit my mind like an icy slushie to my face that I couldn't shake away. It numbed me.

Finn snorted. "Yeah. Kurt, Blaine isn't perfect either."

I was pretty sure I was looking at him like he was crazy, and then he laughed. "Dude, Blaine has like the worst anger issues I'd ever seen. At some point, he's probably going to blow up on the reporters when he can't stand it." I was almost shocked by Finn's response but it was true. Blaine did keep calm and sweet until he wasn't, and then he got colder until he snapped. Maybe it would be like Cooper, just distant, until he blew up, or like Sam, when he just hit that suggestion and then he practically looked like he was going to strangle Sam.

"Plus, like Blaine is kinda addicted to the spotlight. When his brother came, he was just really jealous and angry of him. He was jealous of the attention. I guess he's kinda like Rachel in the fact that he loves the spotlight. I mean with coming in, looking like that, and getting solos, and stuff, and with the Warblers, you said he used to sing like every song and they were like robotically agreeing and going like 'oh, okay'." Right now, I was laughing, but that just made the tears spill faster as Finn went out, trying to pick at Blaine's flaws, the flaws that I could only see before we started dating, the ones I was blinded too right now. "Like he called it cheating when you and that cat guy were exchanging text messages but not with Sebastian—"

I couldn't repress my giggles right then. Finn smiled because he was pretty sure I wouldn't. "Cat guy?"

"You should me his pic, dude. He looked like a cat."

"Chandler?"

Finn's eyes suddenly widened. "Dude, get together with him. It'll be like _Kandler_. Dude, that totally sounds like something you can sell chocolates with. Like _Kandler chocolates_. It'll be so cool. Plus, anyone who can has the same name as Chandler Bing must be cool."

I was fully laughing by now and Finn's eyes were glittering. I guessed this was why I just loved the big lug. He could make everything better with just lightening the situation slightly. And right now, I just realised that Blaine really was truly imperfect, just like every other human, but my mind was still reeling with how perfect he could be. Of course, he had his faults, but dammit, to me, he was just perfect. He was a beautifully person and that made him look like the most beautiful thing in the world. I smiled weakly at Finn right about now, and he smiled back at me. He hugged me as tight as ever. My shoulders tensed up as I thought of Rachel. Rachel didn't know how to appreciate Finn as I did. I saw everything good in Finn, but I supposed it was quite the opposite for Rachel's criticising mind.

I smiled back at him, and silently thanked him for making it clearer to me. I took a deep breath, as I thought of Rachel and Finn in full-on silence. Flashes of their relationship passing by my mind, as Finn told me to make him a sandwich. I just sliced open a roll (Finn didn't know how to slice bread properly without somehow damaging all of the bread and creating nearly three or four pieces out of a loaf), I spread a very thin layer of cheese, and then placed a substandard amount of turkey in it whilst my mind speculated.

Finn then mentioned a thought. "Remember the money you saved up for your lessons?"

"Yeah, I have to repay my instructors by next week another amount so I can keep on going. They're very expensive classes but…Finn? Why are you asking me this?" I knew he probably wanted money for something.

"Dude, I still have money saved up from working jobs with Sam, when I thought…I thought I'd have to go to New York and stuff with Rachel," he looked elated now. "Kurt, I know this is probably the craziest thing I've ever thought of, but it's a really good idea if you know…put it in prospect, 'cause Lima isn't good for you and…"

"Finnegan, what are you telling me?"

"I think we should go to LA."

I laughed and gave Finn the sandwich, but my mind was thinking of the possibilities. I realised Dad was standing there and Carole was staring at Finn at his suggestion. Finn ate the sandwich, stuffed his face full of turkey, cheese and bread so he wouldn't have to talk to them after the suggestion he'd just said out in the open before my Dad looked at me. "You know, they're really hurting you here. I think…I think it really can be for the best, you know, because if you stay here, I think you're gonna get beat up. You can make this right, I think. I'm gonna go to DC for three weeks next week, and Carole…can come with."

Oh God. He wanted me, Finn and Carole to fly over to _LA_. I felt my face silently plaster with horror, but Carole nodded her head. "I'll supervise them and it can be good for you and Blaine…and I've always wanted to go to LA. Burt can join us later, can't you, honey?"

"Of course," Dad grinned back at her and then looked at Finn and I. Finn was pretty shocked that his idea was being _considered_. "Kurt, you think this is gonna be good for you? 'Cause I'm only looking out for you. If you think it's gonna make everything worse…" Dad's eyes were glowering to the type of hardness that it got when he just thought of it getting worse than it was right now.

I shook my head. I needed Blaine, physically. I really needed to talk to Blaine about this. We can't run it away forever and whilst I was a good master of denial, we had to do this. I took a deep breath. _Courage_, Kurt. Courage. With Blaine's text and the magazine clippings in my mind, I slowly nodded my head. Finn grinned at me. "Awesome! We're going to LA! Cool!"

By the end of the night, Dad booked us a flight. For two days from now. He said the airplane service and the flight might be crappy because he wanted the one with actual vacancy. Finn rolled his eyes and said 'you're like a big guy now. No awesome plane or something? We should be on jets!' causing Carole to shut him up (happily) by offering him cheesecake (which I admit I had eaten some of and it was _darling_!). My heart was racing thoughtlessly. Bowtie bear was not so out of reach I supposed. Two days and I would be face to face with Blaine. I suddenly feared he won't be the same Blaine. Was it too much to imagine Blaine in Chanel glasses, scheduling an appointment with me?

I laid down in my bed that night, in the Dior grey room of mine, and then heard Finn walk inside, holding two glasses of warm milk for us. I had forgotten when I'd stopped being the one that comforted him. He set them on the bedside and then told me he told Carole to make them. He smiled at me. We just drank. There were no words there. I wished Rachel can see this. I was just so…out of it. I fell asleep promptly afterwards, suddenly wondering if Blaine missed my lavender-scented clothing.

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_xo Peanut Butter_


	13. Chapter 13 – Nothing to Do But

**_if anyone noticed, i updated twice. two chapters in one day. so read over the last one if you did not._**

_Warnings for first cousin-cousin sex, strong talk of addiction (alcohol and sexual specifically) and possible rape/forcing/coercing (depending on how you look at it). I have to warn you guys for those things or you'll kill me for it, so, yeah. A lot of Kandler friendship H/C! :) Aren't they cuuuuuute? (yes, I ship Kandler…) Kurtbastian is definitely my OTP but I totally ship Kandler. :') enough ramble, chapter! _

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_Chapter 13 – Nothing to Do But_

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_Chandler's POV_

Okay. I might visit Between-the-Sheets (_tehe_, what a funny name if you look at from _that_ sort of way – I mean, "hi! I met Kurt in Between-the-Sheets!" totally didn't sound right) like a lot, especially since they had just the _beeeeeeest_ musical selection ever! (And I was _pretty sure_ that they had Rainbow High by Evita! _How could they not_? They had the Madonna version, sure but whilst Madonna was/is posh, I really didn't want to do a whole Madonna thing because I really can't find the shoes that went with my _Hey! Let's Appreciate Madonna!_ outfit. Besides, I thought the guy actually knew the song and didn't want me to sound like a gay fashion-obsessed person…except I totally _was_). So, on a day where Kurt Hummel suddenly showed up in Between-the-Sheets when I was lurking for…well, I was lurking for Taylor Swift, and he looked really sad.

He was fabulously sad, as always, with a really amazing shirt buttoned to show off how thin he was, and a pair of jeans that practically accented his rear quite nicely. I smiled at him and he smiled back weakly. "You haven't been answering any of my texts," I frowned softly at the realisation. He was looking through music, but I can tell he wasn't really there to look through music. He just wanted someplace quiet.

"Hey, prude fag," I heard one of the guys say as they passed by him. He didn't look phased at all. I frowned. Kurt didn't deserve _any_ of this. "What's wrong, Penguin?" I frowned softly, bringing myself close to him, and then he looked down.

"Well, I had a bit of a fall-out with my boyfriend." He looked slightly surprised that I didn't know, and then he continued to speak. "Chandler, I'm sorry I didn't text back, okay? And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had a boyfriend to be honest. His name is Blaine Anderson and…he's got a Hollywood contract to play _Peeta Mellark_ in _the Hunger Games_ and…" he looked like he was really going to break down, so I grabbed onto his wrist, and pulled him away. I knew that this was not the scene to break down in, and Kurt looked so close to it. I can tell that look. I babysat all the time and when children that were trying to be strong did that face, I knew that it was my cue to do something.

In my Navigator, I had Kurt suddenly break down into tears in front of me. I didn't know what to do or say. I frowned. "The Hunger Games is amazing." I tried to lighten the situation and he chortled as he nodded his head, pressing his head against my shoulder. Suddenly afraid that said Blaine would come and pummel the living Chanel in me, I remained tense as Kurt cried. Then I cupped his face.

"_Shhh_…" I tried to comfort him and he nodded his head, as the tears continued to spill.

"I've been crying way too much these days," he huffed in annoyance, and then I smiled. This was the Kurt I exchanged texts with right now before he looked back at me, with a soft expression on his face. "Chandler, you won't tell anyone would you? I'm…I'm going to LA too because I'm really sick of crying so much. I have to do something. Kurt Hummel is not going to sit here crying his eyes out whilst his boyfriend potentially hooks up with some floosy! Surprisingly, this is the first time I'm not referencing towards Sebastian Smythe—"

"Why are we talking about Bas?"

Kurt's eyes widened. "Sebastian, he's your _boyfriend_ or something? Because he's been hitting on Blaine—"

"Ew, no!" I thought in horror of making out with him and then shuddered under my seat, shaking my head at Kurt. That caused him to laugh and his melodic voice made me smile (yes, I did have a teeny crush on him but _who_ could blame me when Kurt was _so perfect_?) before I explained. "My cousin. He's actually very closely related to me." I shuddered again.

"You and Sebastian are like opposites. Wow." Kurt sunk back into his seat.

"Well, I'm a virgin." I began, analysing the difference between Sebastian and I and that would always come first. "I don't drink…like I _can't_ drink because I'm allergic to alcohol…which is bad, because I tried it and it's really good! And oh, well, there's the fact that I'm kinda bullied, not the person who bullies or something. Plus, like Bas has that shirt that he wears that makes him looks like he belongs in Blue's Clues, and I would never wear anything like that…"

Kurt laughed loudly again and I felt that really good feeling you get when someone laughed, that warm tingles that went all up in your spine—Kurt smiled back at me. "Chandler, you're a really good guy."

I smiled back at him, but that was suggesting that Kurt thought that Sebastian was a bad guy, aka the 'you're like opposites' comment. I thought it was my inability to keep a crush really stupid and low, or the fact that I was Chandler, and was kinda rich (well, the only reason I didn't transfer to Dalton was because that Thad guy really freaked me and whilst North Lima Heights was really evil with the slushying but I had a friend named Dave Karofsky that just transferred so that was good).

"I'm sorry I didn't answer." He repeated again. "He said I could after we straightened everything out but I kinda forgot you with the whole NYADA—"

"—_shhhhh_! Did you get in?" I finally remembered why we had met in the first place and his _amazing!_ song selections. I meant _AMAZING_ song selections. Kurt was flustering now but he nodded his head and I didn't know if I was allowed to or anything but I hugged him really tightly. Like those kinds of hugs that were like 'I'm squeezing Kurt's lungs out and oh my God, he feels really nice when I'm squeezing the living Prada out of him' but when I pulled back, I realised he was smiling brilliantly, all of his enthusiasm burning into his eyes.

"I'm not going to my practice classes though."

"Ha," I shook my head. "You don't need classes. You sound really amazing! Oh my God! I still have your voice as my ringtone!"

_Good job, Chandler. Not stalkerish at all_. Okay, so I had this really sarcastic voice in my head that sounded a lot like Sebastian when he was trying to calm himself down with a lot of alcohol and coffee…and heroin, but I didn't want to remember _that_—I hoped _that_ was in the past though. I really hoped Kurt was saying the truth when he said my enthusiasm was infectious because he was grinning a full-on grin right now and then sat back down. I found myself driving through the Lima Bean drive-through and getting us non-fat mochas. He raised an eyebrow. "How did you know my order?"

I blushed furiously. How can he be any more perfect? "I just ordered my order for you…I didn't know what you liked," I blushed even more. I can feel my face getting hotter with every word, and Kurt stared at me in disbelief, before he finally erupted into laughter. I found myself joining him as well. It was just—we _knew_. Each other. I just felt really bad, for tearing a wedge between him and Blaine (I _really_ wasn't trying to! _Honest_!), when Kurt had been _nothing_ but really perfect and good to me. He looked at my outfit in inspection. Oh God. Really vintage denim jacket I stole from my Mom's closet, off-white shirt that really blended it well with my pants, and my signature black beanie along with my thick-framed glasses (why didn't you just wear contacts, Chandler?).

"Your glasses are new," he simply realised as quick as possible. See? How can I not like him? He _noticed_!

I nodded my head. "Like a jock named Elias kind of broke my old ones," they were the same pair, but considerably shinier and new. Anyone can tell an outdated object from a new one, especially something like glasses, or phones.

"You have bullies?"

I laughed, but I really didn't mean to, which made me blush a lot more. "I guess so. I mean, it's _Lima_." And registering that with an approving nod (Kurt approved nodding! Oh my God, how can I _live_?), Kurt took a sip of the drink. Suddenly, my own mocha tasted like it was a zillion times better now that I knew that Kurt drank the same exact thing! How amazing was that? Okay, cutting to 'we're totally meant to be' stuff, I felt myself register the fact that I can't have Kurt.

Kurt had a boyfriend.

Plus, why would he want me? Cat-face _me_? Sebastian's taunting ran into my mind, as I smiled weakly at him. "Sebastian and I are going to LA too," I mentioned slowly. I didn't know why though. I knew Bas' Mom was dead (something I also knew Sebastian didn't know which was really cruel), my parents were divorced which I guessed wasn't so bad. My Dad was really homophobic though and he _knew_ I was gay. Guess how awkward Christmas was? …if you couldn't guess, it would be very, very awkward, and often ended up with my presents being 'Straight Camps'. How did those things exist?

Oh, Mom would get me these really cool scarves. I should wear one around Kurt to see if he would approve (no, I wasn't _obsessed_, but who wouldn't want their outfits approved by _the_ _Kurt Hummel_?).

"Oh." Kurt realised.

Then I added on, so he wouldn't think I was creepily stalking him. "We're going for a funeral." Of his Mother, who he didn't know was dead. She was born in LA. Actually, my Dad was born in LA, and he completely sent me a whole email about why I shouldn't dare try to bond with anyone on his side of the family and to keep my hands away from any small boyish children. It _really_ hurt.

Kurt looked back at me. "What funeral?" his voice was soft.

"Sebastian's Mother's," my heart burned into my throat. "He doesn't know she's dead."

Kurt's eyes filled with anger, the kind of anger that I wanted to have but couldn't (okay, I couldn't hold a grudge on someone for more than two minutes), and he was just settling himself down, before he shook his head. "He came out to his Dad."

"His Dad isn't homophobic," I suddenly mentioned.

"How can you say that—?"

"Everyone in my family knows I'm gay." I suddenly mentioned and Kurt's eyes registered the words, before he nodded slowly.

"How did they take it?"

I grinned at him. "On Sebastian's side? Really well." I smiled even more brilliantly at him, and then sighed. "It's the fact that they figured that Nathalie – that's like Sebastian's Mom's name – actually died of alcohol intoxication in some girl's arms. She was a lesbian. She was gay. And she never told Jean. I didn't think she would've any other way. I think she just drank herself to death when she found out that the girl she loved was—"

"—found out that she was _what_?" Kurt demanded of me.

I felt like he was pushing into territory that he wasn't supposed to know as I stopped by in the middle of an empty road, heaving out a heavy sigh. Kurt suddenly knew he was crossing that territory too. "Chandler?"

"She found out that the girl she was sleeping with every time she got drunk with was related to her. She didn't love her. They didn't love each other. They were lost people and all but they were _related_…" Kurt looked mildly disturbed but I continued to explain. "It was my Mother."

Kurt's face plastered with shock but he slowly nodded his head. "My family, Kurt, is really dysfunctional. All of us are addicted to the horrible things. Drug addiction, sexual addiction, alcohol addiction…addicted to eating, addicted to not eating…" I shook my head. "Like Sebastian. He has this weird sexual and alcohol addiction that is just like _hers_ and—"

Kurt suddenly looked at me, and then his eyes plastered with fear. "Chandler, did he sleep with you?"

"He tried to." I said quietly.

"He tried to sleep with you," Kurt angrily repeated my words and I slowly nodded my head, nearly flinching at him actually saying the words.

"I'm sorry. I guess it wasn't like he did anything but—"

"—Chandler, he could've! This can get serious!"

I shook my head. "I just take sex really seriously and Bas doesn't. It's just a difference in opinion and—"Kurt was cupping my face and even through the height of that situation, it still managed to send shivers down my spine, as I bit my lower lip.

"_Chandler_," he repeated my name. His face was only inches away from me. I looked away from him. I didn't want to give him anymore problems with me.

"No, it's okay. You did _enough_. You've always done enough and I'm sorry for dragging you in this, Kurt. I've already made all of that stuff go wrong with Blaine and you and I'm really sorry because if Sebastian's going after him, then he must be a really great guy that you deserve and—"I hated when I did this. Around people like Kurt, or Sebastian or Mom (it _used_ to be Mom but she was placed in a mental asylum 'cause she wasn't recovering well with the whole 'I slept with Nathalie and she died' situation we had right now and I hadn't seen her since).

He was nearly shocked at my words. I wondered what was I supposed to say because everything was _really_ confusing me! He just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "Chandler, I'm sorry," he suddenly muttered into my ear. "For not answering."

"It's okay. Really."

"I cry so much right now."

"Kurt?"

I looked back at him and there were tears in his eyes again. He clung on a little tighter to me and I could do nothing but stare back at him with very soft eyes, running my hand slowly down his back as he brought himself closer to me, clinging tightly onto me as if I was the answer to all of his problems. _You are all of his problems, Chandler. _The voice in my head snapped at me, and looking down at Kurt this time, smelling the lavender scent of him, I knew for once, this time, it was _right_.

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_next chapter is our first Sebandler interaction. if you feed me, i might put it up quicker xD_

_xo Peanut Butter_


	14. Chapter 14 – Blowing Kisses

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_Chapter 14 – Blowing Kisses_

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_Sebastian's POV_

Fuck.

Them.

"Sebastian, I—"Chandler began and I felt like ramming him back against the bed and finishing the job I should've done when I was tipsy drunk. He took a deep breath, and then he said those words that I wanted to punch his face in with. "I'm sorry."

"You short, disgusting, fat, slutty, unlovable bitch…" I growled out, every one of his little insecurities, causing his eyes to water again as he laid down. Fucking sensitive Chandler, making me feel so freaking bad. Fine. I knew it. I treated him like absolute shit and he wasn't the reason _my Mother was fucking dead_. Ever cared to mention to me that, Daddy Dearest? Oh no, send the kitty over here to piss on me and leave. "Nobody's ever going to love you, you know?"

I saw him nod his head slowly, and the tears fell down faster down his face. Oversensitive Chandler being oversensitive again. I threw a box of tissues over to him but he kept on looking down. Obviously, he was hurt by my words and obviously, I should've done something but I didn't do anything. I was too busy pitying myself _and my Mother that had apparently been dead for two fucking weeks and nobody cared to tell me_—oh, lovely, Andy must've arranged the funeral, because we had to go to fucking LA and I can't damn well stand anything. I can't stand Chandler. I can't stand my family. I can't stand myself.

Chandler looked up at me with those hurt brown eyes that resembled Blaine too damn much. I wished I could punch him. He looked away, and stood up. That short thing tried to hug the living shit out of me again. I pushed him off. I didn't hug people. Hugging people meant I had to get close. Getting close meant people had to like me and nobody liked me. I'd rather have it that way. And to think, Chandler fucking Kiehl was trying to comfort me. Me. Whom didn't deserve it. I was just like my Mother and he was nothing like his. He was nothing like anyone I'd ever known. I used to think he was just a child that never grew up, but fuck it – Chandler understood things. He was just a woman on his period all of the fucking time and got hurt as easily as Hummel wearing the wrong shoes. Which Chandler did get emotional about—

How can I _not_ laugh when he was frantically crying about the wrong pair of shoes? Chandler always cried. One thing out of place and suddenly, the whole thing was out of place and he had to fix it or else his world will fall apart. Classic Chandler for you. The Warblers wouldn't leave me on my own. Chandler wouldn't leave me on my own. Jeff was ten thousand times more clingier and shoved so much food in me I was sure I gained at least ten fucking pounds. Oh, and here was I calling the perfectionist, sweet, virgin, eats-only-what's-good-for-him Chandler short, unlovable, slutty, disgusting and fat.

"Come here." My voice was still extremely undeniable icy, but he stood up anyway as I grabbed onto him. Fuck this. I _needed_ him. He was out of tears, but fuck if I was just starting—he stared up at me. I probably looked like the strangest thing in the world, face stoic and expressionless, with those hot tears running down my eyes right about now. "Fuck you, Chandler," and I placed my hand underneath his neck, feeling his soft hair between my fingers, as he pressed his head up against my chest. He was trembling again, but this time, he wasn't crying waterfalls.

"Fuck you," I repeated, feeling him finally wrap his arms around my waist as tightly as he could. I didn't know how long we stayed that way because I collapsed on my Dalton bed and we fell asleep, him on top of me, arms still around me and my arms still around his hips (how short was he exactly?). And since I was rooming with damn David, I hoped he didn't mention to anyone else that I fell asleep _holding_ someone. How embarrassing. Instead, I woke up to a smiling Jeff, staring down at us like we were _adorable_.

Chandler finally stirred after a few moments, and finally our holds on each other broke. He smiled at me, and I would've punched him right then if I wasn't so sure he would start breaking into tears again.

I pushed him off me like he was vermin. Kitty wasn't going to stay around for long after all. Chandler flustered. He didn't expect me to go all Care Bears on him, did he? If so, _I was just going to throw him off a cliff_—towards that, Chandler mumbled something about me packing for the next few days so we'd leave. He disappeared. Probably to go Hummel a blow (wow, someone was _attracted_ to that piece of crap! Congrats, Hummel!) or really, to possibly visit Charlotte.

Fucking family full of _Ch's_. Chase was Chandler's Father and Charlotte was his Mother. The only real reason that seemed to be in my head for Charlotte not having any more children was probably because they ran out of _Ch's_ to name their children with—seriously, _Chandler_? Did they have a _Friends_ addiction or something? Then again, I was named after a crab in Little Fucking Mermaid. Did I look like a crab to anyone? No, wait, don't answer that question. Meerkat, chipmunk, crab—I probably was every existing gross mammal to Hummel.

My phone rang. My face fell ten octaves when I realised it was Carson.

"Hey," I called out, answering him quickly. "Quickie, Carson?"

Carson was a boy I once fucked. We hit it off nicely. I told him stories of my 'conquests' and it amused him, a lot of them were true, but one particular conquest wasn't really _true_, just a made up story really—

"Oh, so you fucked a movie star?" Carson's voice was teasing my very existence. _Bastard_.

_I lied about sleeping with Blaine_.

I had a huge fucking Blaine situation. Okay? I lied about sleeping with him. I would just sit in Scandals sometimes and make up stories about fucking Blaine, bondage, BDSM, how I dominated over his ass, how cute he was, and ever since I had obtained naked pictures from Hummel and Blaine, I had even started to lucidly involve how they looked like, both of them naked, threesomes and rumours floated around in Scandals all of the time. Now, they were going to come back and bite me in the ass.

_Fuckfuckfuck_—

"A reporter asked me about it, you know," Carson muttered. "Don't worry. I got you covered. I told them everything."

My head spun. I wanted to kill someone. _Preferably Carson._ He laughed and my heart was spinning so fast I needed to lie down. I needed to think but I couldn't. What the fuck could I do when the whole world thought that I actually slept with Blaine Anderson? Blaine will kill me. Oh to Hell with bottling up my fucking emotions—I actually cared about that nerd. I _loved_ him after all (yes, it was more than just a crush. You think I'd stick around and stalk people normally? You think I'd spend four hours hearing him gush about his boyfriend? You think I didn't try as hard as I can to win Blaine and he rejected every single fucking offer?). Didn't know if I was in love with him, but I loved him. I loved those innocent-like eyes, that face, those features—

Didn't have to smirk around him. Fucking smiled once or twice, and I didn't even know. The only real times I've ever, ever smiled were because of _Blaine_. Surprise, surprise, so the Sebastian Smythe had feelings, and now, he was in deep shit, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt Blaine. I've never wanted to hurt Blaine. From that slushie to now—I didn't just 'want to get into his pants'. I wanted to have him for my own. Oh God. I can't stand this. I cannot believe the one time I lied about a 'conquest', it came biting me up the ass like this. _The one fucking time I lied_. The one fucking time I lied about having sex with someone (it wasn't that bad, right?) and it blew out of proportion.

Okay. So it might've made me feel better about myself, when I talked about Blaine like that. It was like sharing dreams with someone, not that I only wanted to fuck Blaine but Scandals didn't want to hear about how much I wanted to run my hands through that hair and ungel every single curl in his hair, or how I can look at those eyes (sometimes hazel, sometimes brown, sometimes honey) and just get lost in them for hours on—Okay. Now, I just sounded _stupid_. Hell, I was laughing at _me_. Besides, it wasn't like Blaine will leave his brunette for _me_. No matter how much I wanted him to. Just…oh fuck _this_. Fuck all of _this_.

In two days, they made headlines.

They made headlines in LA, all of my conquests written out in trashy tabloids that didn't mind talking about shit like that. _HUNGER GAMES STAR BLAINEA NDESRON AND LOCAL LIMA SLUT SEBASTIAN SMYTHE ARE MORE THAN JUST A ONE-OFF, SEE MORE ON THE INSIDE._ And those perfect descriptions that I gave away, every inch of skin on Blaine's body memorised in my head, how light the skin was in the light, how dark his nipples were, how big he was, the birthmarks on his body—all of it, just illustrated in the gaudiest way possible and left for the work to see and descriptions of my body. I can almost feel like I was walking around naked for the world to see. Everyone knew what was underneath me. Everyone. And this time, it wasn't just a fun orgy sex party—it was something fucking horrible.

My Father called. I can't be bothered to answer. Andy called. I can't be bothered to pick up. I was going to get screamed at so bad.

Almost as if I hadn't cried enough, I did. Just right then. Didn't care who the fuck was watching anymore. It was just so—_fun, Smythe, huh? Lie about a few details, and hurt the person you love the most, and have your parents know how much of a fucking whore you really are._ I wanted to kill Carson. I wanted to kill Chandler. I wanted to throw myself off a freaking bridge.

I went back to Dalton, packed, and had Trent's sympathetic-like faces towards me, Jeff's furrowed eyebrows, and David's just fuming face. I knew David probably saw Blaine naked and knew that description was pretty accurate for someone who hadn't had sex with him. I was about to leave, trolley in hand, when David stood in front of the doorway and said in a very lucid, clear voice. "I hope you burn in Hell." This caused quiet Trent's eyes to widen and Jeff to gasp, tears burning in his face.

I did the only thing I could do. I tried to punch him but he dodged it. He looked at me and I curled up my lips into a smirk and said the words that I knew would get to his head. "I hope Katherine learns about how much you loved Wesley."

David's face paled considerably. I turned around, and shut the door. This was just it. I hurt people. I watched Chandler standing there, looking pale, like either he hadn't slept or eaten well, or both. I wondered if he listened to a word I said, because he just grabbed my trolley, and brought his coat closer (how many fucking layers was he wearing? It was the damn summer) and he shuddered. Chandler didn't eat anything, did he? Always got so cold when he didn't. _Look at what you did to him._ I didn't even recognise my Chandler there. Looked like a walking dead corpse bride. I wondered if I mentioned Hummel, he'd snap back to life and start talking about how his vocal range was just fabulous. "Hey, Chandler," I gave him my most self-assured smirk.

I expected a happy, overenthusiastic comeback. He turned around like he was holding back tears. Who broke his toy this time? He gripped tighter on my trolley and then lifelessly stated, "Let's go."

We were on a plane to LA in about two hours. Chandler was asleep. He didn't eat anything on the plane either. Fuck this_. Chandler, what are you fuck are you doing? _I watched him slowly open his eyes halfway through the flight, play with his sandwich, and then give it to me. He had headphones on and was listening to music on his BlackBerry. When I grabbed his phone, I realised that he was listening to a cover of Bad Romance – sung by Hummel no less. I was going to tell him off for being obsessed, but I would hurt the ittle starving Chandler's feelings so I just stayed silent.

That was how it was for the whole plane. I never felt so alone in my life. _Isn't this what you wanted? For people to leave you alone?_ I shook the voice out of my head and tried to fall asleep, images of a fantasy where I walked by to the living room hallway with black-haired green-eyed children with presents, and Blaine blowing kisses at me as I passed by, his wedding finger glittering as he stared up at me with pride…

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_xo Peanut Butter_


	15. Chapter 15 – Just as Easy

_Mentions of domestic abuse, be very aware._

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_Chapter 15 – Just as Easy_

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_Finn's POV_

I kinda snuck out late at night. Kurt completely collapsed when we got here (our plane was at ten and it was three am when we got off) and when we finally got the hotel on and everything, Mom just finally fell asleep. I was one of those people that didn't fall asleep really quickly – okay, I could fall asleep but my anti-anxiety meds were like…they kept me awake so I didn't need more than two hours or even an hour of sleep sometimes, and I stayed up the rest of the day, hungry, and really tired and exhausted but I was really, really anxious about getting into a new state and all so I took some pills when the flight was ending. I was pretty much completely awake. Kurt opened his mouth when he was in deep sleep, so I carried him over to one of the beds and then I peered in to see if Mom was there and she was. She was pretty much out of it, so I just left (I was so gonna be killed for it, but Puck told me to sneak out and live a little and Puck wasn't afraid of anything so why should I be?)

Okay. I was really afraid of my Mom but she was asleep now, and she knocked herself out with sleeping pills (she was really tired but couldn't sleep for the first few moments so she had one and she fell asleep really easily afterwards) and Kurt was just a really heavy sleeper. I slipped out of the room, and I called Blaine. Blaine grumbled as he yawned. I guessed he was asleep too, but Blaine slept really early and woke up really early. "Hello?" he sounded really tired, but I just wanted to see him before Kurt. "Dude, it's Finn."

"Finn," I thought I heard him bury his face in his pillow even more, apparently, he was trying to fall asleep whilst talking to me. "What up?" he yawned again, but I wanted to really laugh.

"Do you know where your apartment address is? Kurt told me you and Coop were in an apartment and I'm not sleepy and Mom will kill me for sneaking out to go to you right now but my anxiety meds make me stay up late so…yeah, text me your address, maybe?" God, I've been on tumblr for way too long but I loved reblogging like…the Avengers. Hawkeye was like _totally_ awesome and _did you see Scarlett Johansson's ass and tits_? I thought Kurt was only straight for Scarlett when he'd seen her! I totally knew Kurt was a dude. That kinda freaked me out. Puck, Kurt and I were a mess of boners, and Kurt just flushed and told me: _do not speak to this about anyone else_, but I was really hoping to tell Blaine or Rachel. It would make them all fluster-y and blush-y and that was kinda cute. Yeah, even on Blaine. Blaine was like…puppy-dog-cute like baby-cute, not like I-want-to-shag-your-adorable-ass-and-see-how-you-react cute like Rachel.

So he texted me the address and didn't even ask me. I thought Blaine thought I was drunk or something but wanted to humour me, that – or he just wanted to fall asleep. It was probably the latter but I called the cab and scrambled for a buncha dollars when we stopped by the apartment. Then I was faced with my worst enemy: _stairs_. Dude, why didn't they make elevators for apartments again? I walked upstairs to reach to the fifth door then I knocked on it vigorously. Blaine opened it, looking drowsy, then he registered that I was there and his eyes probably widened like five centimetres.

"Finn? What are you doing here?"

"Er…standing?"

Blaine blinked, and it was like all sleep disappeared from his eyes as he pulled himself away so I could walk in. Their living room was really beige-coloured, with golden-ish carpets. Their glass table had two layers of glass, and wedged between them was so much junk food I wondered how Blaine can look at it and not want to grab that Snickers bar that was _practically_ calling out to me (yeah, I had a bad habit of eating really late at night and Puck always made fun of me for it when he found me attacking his fridge at like four am to find pudding – come on, it's _pudding_), so he made me sit down on the brown-ish couch and told me if I wanted something to drink. The Kurt in me was telling me all about calories and fat content but I nodded my head silently. Dude, I was spending so much time with Kurt I even had a Kurt voice in my head, which was really, really cool 'cause he helped me cheat on tests (or really, it was just me remembering stuff in Kurt's voice which would be stalkerish creepy), but still really weird, especially when he suddenly spoke up when I was kissing Rachel. Okay. It was me 'subconsciously' (I think?) conjuring up a Kurt in my head and making him voice out my thoughts.

…I was spending way too much time with him, right? Probably.

I watched Blaine come back with a tray of stuff. Wow. He made some effort even though he looked like he just wanted to pass out – preferably on his bed. He picked a Pepsi and muttered something about screwing Pepsi Max for now, and opened it. The sugar totally gave him a boost. I turned and picked up some orange soda and took a sip, remembering the days with Puck. Like…he loved that stuff.

He didn't say anything for a while. Then he did. "What are you doing here?"

"Like I said, Kurt and Mom came here… 'cause Kurt's having a really tough life back at home. They tried to throw stones at us once and they like destroyed Kurt's car, and they kept on calling him names and act like he was a self-obsessed bitch…_and it was so not okay_. I was pissed at you and Kurt was too, then he told me it wasn't your fault and that made you even more perfect, and I tried to tell him that you weren't perfect but I guess that he just loves you so much, he doesn't see anything wrong in you…I didn't know that was possible 'cause I can still see all the bad stuff about Rachel but the good stuff always balances it out I think." I was speculating now, but I pushed those thoughts away 'cause they'd always tell me to break up with Rachel, but when I did break up with her, the handful of times that it did happen, I wanted her back. I felt kinda empty without her, like…it wasn't right.

"They hurt…Kurt?" he looked so unnerved by it.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Like he has bruises on him."

"Oh," he said, but then he registered it and he looked so hurt that he just shook his head. "_Oh_." His voice was getting really shaky, like he was really trying hard not to cry. Blaine was a good guy, with a good heart, with anger issues, and was a little here and there, but he really tried. I watched him battle with himself and through the words we were throwing around, I took a sip from the soda, and the sugar kinda made my brain work or something because I was thinking again. I didn't like thinking. It led to stuff that I didn't like – like the fact that Blaine really was just innocent and we had a mass of reporters all around.

Blaine had noticed a magazine when I put the orange soda on the tray and he picked it off. I can kinda tell that he probably like caged himself in his room when it wasn't set time and now, he was flipping through as if trying to find any more words about him. His eyes were so wide by the end of it, his hands were shaking. I peered and read and was kinda disturbed, like it was really descriptive sex habits of Blaine and Sebastian and they quoted Sebastian a lot, about what they liked to do in bed. The headlines were really making me sick, because Blaine didn't sleep with Sebastian, right?

"Kurt told me that Sebastian stole his laptop," Blaine came to a conclusion. "I sent _pictures_ there." He was blushing.

"So…all of that…stuff about how your body looked like was…like true?"

Blaine slowly nodded his head. I hadn't seen him so freaked. "I'm seventeen, Finn," he was shaking his head. I can guess why. His life was like crashing in front of him because he had a role he didn't want to do and now, he had Sebastian tell them how he looked like naked – which was really, really disturbing and I felt sick, especially when I read about Blaine liking to be tied up? Ew. I watched him register all of this, and then he just broke. "I'm seventeen," he repeated, and his voice was dangerously shaky.

He was crying so hard that I didn't know what to do. He heard the door knocking and then he grabbed my head and led me off into a room, shutting the door and locking it. I can hear Blaine's bro's voice sounding out "Hey, Andy, I'm home!" and then Andy must've walked out because I can hear sighing. Blaine put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't say anything. They rustled here and there and then there was silence. Blaine waited for a minute and I just realised he didn't sob or anything. He was _silently_ crying. He didn't want his brother to know or something.

"Coop's already upset with me," he whispered, voice really low. "I shouldn't be crying for a role that he'd kill for," he shook his head and then laughed, but his laugh was really low, and sad.

"Hey," I cupped Blaine's cheek (was I allowed to do that?) and kind of wiped away his tears with my fingers. He nodded thankfully at me and I knew I did something that didn't creep him out or anything. He looked down at my feet. He looked really depressed. I kinda just wanted to put Kurt and him in a room and watch them make-out again. "Kurt will be here tomorrow and stuff. Do you have to go on set?"

"I have to go to set every day." He said softly. "But I'll wait for him if he comes by nine-ish, since I have to be at set ten-ish and it's a thirty minute drive."

Blaine sat down on his bed and then was remembering something because his eyes were glittering 'cause he stared at me and he looked kinda excited to share that piece of information. "Coop used to pick me up all the time you know. I'm really short, like even as a kid, so he'd just lean down and take me in his arms and pick me up. All I had to do was put my hands up in the air and jump around and he'd take me and pick me up and hold me. I still kinda remember it. Coop had muscles and I was kinda little…clinging on like that. I forgot when he stopped doing that. I just saw less and less of him." His voice was very low. "I would do anything for him to pick me up again…start over…maybe…I don't—"

Blaine was a really tiny guy and I wasn't, so I just picked him up right then and he was pretty light-ish. I knew I could pick Kurt up and he wasn't that much shorter than me, but there was a really noticeable height difference between me and Blaine. Blaine looked really surprised, but then he just pressed his head up against my chest, like I was his big brother or something. "Put me down, Finn," Blaine was noticeably happier though, even though he was still crying really hard.

I shook my head, now smiling. He kinda remembered me of Kurt right now. He did that sometimes. Blaine shook his head, laughing in a very low voice and then I knocked us both down on his bed, both of us dissolving into nothing but small giggles and laughs. It was like trying not to get caught with our hands in cookie jars or something (even though my Mom _totally_ let me have cookies whenever I want) and then I kinda just relaxed, with the whole Chinese take-out place outside having its sign flash right up at us like a weird fuzzy dream. Blaine fell asleep really quick and noticing it was nearly six, I just stepped out before I got caught and I didn't. I drove back home and finally collapsed myself onto bed but not before stealing Kurt's phone and giving him an alarm and a reminder (I had to wake him up seven-ish so he would do his hair and stuff and 'cause Kurt without breakfast was like…well, me without breakfast but he said his grumpiness was because breakfast kick-started his metabolism or something like that) and then I fell asleep.

What felt like a few moments later, Kurt's alarm woke me up. I nearly forgot that Kurt's voice was really high-pitched and Mom woke up too. I just groaned at him. I took another dose of my meds anyway, mostly because I had to wake up, and secondly because I can't fall asleep on set, and thirdly 'cause I was sure with the whole Kurt and Blaine meeting each other again thing, I was going to lose it. "Finnegan! Why is my alarm on at seven in the morning?"

"'Cause you take like a lot of time doing your hair and you always talk about having breakfast, and also, like…I called Blaine yesterday and he said he can meet you on set tomorrow but you have to be at his apartment like…nine-ish, and he texted me the address."

He stared at me, horrified. "Did you sleep at all, Finn?"

"Not really," I responded, yawning as if to illustrate my point. "Dude, I just need a really huge power breakfast and I'll be okay. I like…took my meds just in case you and Blaine end up screaming 'cause I really don't like screaming." Not after all of those boyfriends my Mom had. Darren was cool but a lot of them were crap, like Joey…he thought it would be fun to use my body as an ashtray and spent his time calling me stupid. I thought…actually, I knew I put up with Quinn and Rachel because of it before 'cause my Mom's boyfriends were horrible and she stuck with them, didn't she? She didn't break it off 'cause they were a little mean…so I can't break it off with Rachel because she was mean. Plus, Kurt told me to take in people with all of their flaws so what if Quinn kinda scared me sometimes and most times I didn't want to be in a room alone with Rachel so I tried focusing on her boobs or her body, so I can just not listen to what she was saying because was it just me or was she practically saying _me, me, me, me, me_ – so I got bored really easily. She really just needed me around those times to say "yeah" and "okay". Puck taught me that (okay. It was a really insensitive but I really just can't be bothered to listen after the first few months because she always said the same stuff and I was getting kinda sick of it. I knew it was unfair to Rache but…)

Kurt had a shower and started singing, so I knew no way was I going to sleep, so I just listened to Radio Kurt – singing Wicked on high, then shifting to Lady Gaga. I kinda wanted to join him in but ever since Puck made fun of me for it, I just couldn't, so I just heard him sing in the shower when my Mom went towards the grocery store literally just a few steps beside us (our hotel was awesome!) and Kurt walked outside, drenched in water with a towel over his hips and he looked at me. "Oh my God, you're seeing me with _this_ hair? Shoo, Finn! Shoo!"

Instead of leaving _our_ hotel room that _we_ paid for, I went to take a bath. Kurt like always used up all the hot water, but I guessed it was summer and I didn't need it. That was before the water ran through me and I was pretty sure that I knew exactly how an ice bath felt like. Dammit! LA was like _evil_. Kurt was doing his hair and Kurt was trying really hard not to stare when I dressed up – honestly, it didn't bother me if he did anymore 'cause he had Blaine. Well, it might bother me if Blaine and him broke up but not right now. Plus, he was putting this thing on his eyes so I was pretty sure he couldn't tear his eyes away from the mirror even if he wanted to.

"Five minutes?" Kurt called out after I was fully dressed.

"Yeah, you're right, dude. I was tired though so I took up a little more time."

Kurt looked at me like I was crazy. "This outfit," he pointed to his clothes – a blue t-shirt with a buncha designs over his white shirt, a red scarf, a fedora, his very fit pants, and pretty polished shoes - "took me fifteen minutes to wear."

Why?

"Boys! Food!"

I practically raced to the kitchen. I was starving. The pills sort of made me hungrier (and did you see how much I normally eat?) so I was pretty much like a rabid wolf on my food. I picked up the peanut butter jar and started taking huge spoons in my mouth and by then; Kurt had walked in and raised an eyebrow. "Finn, the food isn't going to disappear on you. Do you know how many calories is per tablespoon?"

"Yeah. Like a hundred."

Kurt was kinda surprised I knew. Hey, you didn't spend time dating Quinn or Rachel without them telling me how I took like tablespoons of that thing and it would be enough to constitute for a meal. Kurt sat down on his throne – I mean, chair – I couldn't tell, okay with how Kurt always fixed up his shirt, and sat down it like it was holy sometimes. It was a joke between me and…me I guessed. I looked at him, as he ate, but he was pretty nervous. Mom made him his favourite eggs – like white eggs (_Finn, those are just the egg whites because the yolk has so many calories!)_ with a lot of veggies, and like two pieces of brown bread. I picked at my waffles and asked for where the syrup was. Kurt sighed. Yup. That was Kurt right there. My little (calorie-obsessed bro that ate like a lot when he was upset) and—

"Give me that!" Kurt grabbed the peanut butter jar out of my hands and then picked off the spoon. "Is there any Nutella here? Finn, eggs." He pushed them towards me. I guessed Kurt wasn't feeling like he should stay to his diet. And just as easy as Kurt scooping up Nutella and peanut butter, I scooped a bit of the white eggs and put them on the toast and took a bite. Kurt stared at me.

"Dude, this is like the best thing I ever tasted!" …yeah, I was shocked too.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	16. Chapter 16 – Still Standing

_PenMagic, I REWATCHED EP ONE LIKE A THOUSAND TIMES. the guy's name was actually Darren. the guy that sung with them and the first name that came to mine was Joey but when i read this im like THIS IS NOT A JOEY RITCHER AND DARREN CRISS REFERENCE OMGOSH NO. so yes. thats it. _

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_Chapter 16 – Still Standing_

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_Carole's POV_

If there was anything that I, Carole Hudson-Hummel, would trade my life for – it was my boys.

Finn suspiciously knew Blaine's apartment way too well – and like a Mother, I knew he probably was here before. Giving myself a mental sigh, I watched as Finn gave Blaine a somewhat reassuring smile, making my baby look ten thousand times more adorable than he was (and he was amazingly adorable all of the time), so it just amplified. I smiled softly, and watched as Kurt walked over towards Blaine, nodding towards him. They were very formal and then they stared into each other's eyes, almost as if they were trying to unlock each other's secrets and being a Mother, I wanted to step in and just make Kurt feel better (of course, he was my stepson but in the end, blood or no blood, he was an _amazing_ person and that always accounted for something – besides, he helped my Finny bear quite a lot from what he told me about the Quinn situation!)

Most teenage boys didn't talk to their Mothers about their problems but he did to me, and that always made me smile. I watched as Blaine and Kurt stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, and then they both attacked each other at the same time, Blaine's arms around Kurt's waist and Kurt's hands around his waists, their heads rested on each other's shoulders. I nudged Finn whom just gave me a very knowledgeable stare and then took a picture with his Android (hey, if I was going to buy him expensive phones, he better put them to use). I tapped at my HTC, and he sighed before nodding. The picture was sent in all the time they were holding each other, completely unaware.

Kurt smiled at Blaine and Blaine smiled back. "Hey," Blaine whispered.

"Hey," Kurt's voice was just as weak and low, but to me, I thought he sounded like a bang of words all together. They were just too adorable. With the way I was staring, Finn was nudging me so I wouldn't embarrass them.

"Hey, Kurt," now, Blaine's voice was considerably louder. I supposed it was their language or something but Blaine knew it was okay to be…well, himself, not so very sad and Kurt thought so too because there was a brilliant smile that we haven't seen in quite a while! Blaine then wiggled his eyebrows. "My co-star, Jennifer, is really creepy. Can you scare her away because she won't stop hitting on me?" he pouted towards Kurt, and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I don't know!"

They suddenly burst into laughter as Kurt shook his head. "Blaine, why do you do this?"

"_Becauuuuuuuuuuuuse_," he stretched out that with a wide grin on his face, "I'm your boyfriend." I can almost tell he was stating that to see if Kurt would deny the truth but Kurt slowly nodded his head, almost just now acknowledging the truth himself, as they smiled at each other. Then Blaine's brother (which was _completely_ hot by the way, not that Burt or Blaine or…anyone would hear this, _but I have eyes, you know_!) walked inside, and then I found myself frowning. Dear looked so hurt. I wondered if anyone noticed this, but I took in the look on Blaine's face and I realised he completely noticed this.

"Cooper, I—"

Cooper put his finger on Blaine's lips. "No," he hissed under his breath. "Just go to your little set party and come back before they…like decide to kill you or some shit."

"Hey! Don't talk to him like _that_!" Kurt suddenly defended him, even though he resented Blaine playing this role probably as much as Cooper did –

Cooper shot back a retort that none of us were prepared for. "And what the hell did you do when I was pushing around little bro, huh? Nothing. You're just as bad as me. Have you ever had him like swoop over and take a role like that for you? Have you?"

Kurt nodded his head solemnly. I remembered the role quickly. The play that the sweetheart told me about! _West Side Story._ I did remember that he played the Officer though, and he was rather good, and he was simply delighted that we got him flowers – Finn even remembered what flower he was allergic too this time, happily enough because I seemed to have forgotten. Silly Carole!

"Yes, and you're being generally selfish about it," Kurt growled back.

"Oh, shut up."

I was honestly stunned but I didn't have much time to register because Finn was stepping in this time. "Hey, that's not cool. He's your brother. Like your blood brother. I wouldn't say half that stuff to Kurt…I know we got off to a rocky start but he's like one of my best friends right now. You shouldn't be saying shit like that to him, okay?" I completely didn't care he was swearing (teenage boys would be teenage boys), as a wide smile stretched my lips. He reminded me so much of Christopher when he defended Kurt like this.

Cooper just burst out laughing. "I hate him," Cooper was now staring at Blaine.

Blaine looked down at his feet. "I didn't want this role!" he suddenly exploded, and then he was panting. "I wanted to come over here to spend time with my _big brother_, okay? I wanted to come here so we can bond because for once in my life, I wanted to know you! I was sick of us fighting like children, Cooper but I grew up…_you didn't_." He said the last bit with venom in his voice and his eyes were hard with courage.

"You don't understand anything," Cooper snapped back at Blaine.

"Like?" Blaine was eying him, challenging him.

"Like you walk in here and get the part you want without even trying, Blaine—you weren't here for the part. I was. Who the hell was taking three years' worth of pay-checks from the Lima Bean and used it to go to LA for money? Who the hell spent all of their time trying to get the smallest deal and ended up starving and out in the streets before I got my first contract? Who had to work their way from the absolute bottom and tried to get to the top? You didn't even _try_. I didn't _try_. I shed my blood, sweat and tears into _this_ business—I gave it _all I could_, and I watched you snatch it from me _like it doesn't fucking matter_…and the thing is, Blainey, you are nothing with me. You _know_ this," now, he was moving towards Blaine and Blaine was staring agape at him.

"You were a spineless coward that didn't have a voice. That voice you're singing with and reciting lines with? Yeah. I gave that to you. I trained you until you bled and you hated me for it, but really, I _built_ you. I was the reason you're _here_ right now, Blainey, so yes, I deserve to be pissed when you take it all from me and aren't fucking grateful for it. I did everything I could to make you, _and this is how you fucking repay me_!"

Blaine's eyes were filling with tears. Kurt's hand was on his mouth, like he wanted to speak but didn't want to at the same time. I was stunned.

"I _tried_, Cooper," Blaine shook his head. "I didn't know they'd _like_ me. I _tried_ to get out of the part but they said—"

"You signed a contract, you dumbass, of course not!" Cooper suddenly berated and Blaine shut his eyes, before nodding, tears spilling freely from his eyes. Cooper was now visibly holding back tears, but then he suddenly broke down into tears. The poor babies were hurting my heart right now and I watched as the scene unfolded, both of them hugging each other as tight as ever, as Cooper ran his hand through Blaine's hair.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry," Blaine broke down. "I'm sorry for hurting you. For hurting Kurt. I didn't know they were bullying him. I didn't know. I just…didn't know."

"That's it, Blaine," Cooper laughed, as he sobbed, and his grip even tightened. "You were supposed to _know_. Just _know_. Like I always _just knew_ you had fucking nightmares when we were kids and I'd crawl into bed with you, and pretend I was the one that was scared so you'd stop fidgeting around like the idiot you are—"

Blaine was now nosily sobbing, as he buried his head into Cooper's shoulder.

Cooper pulled away, looking at Blaine's face, and then wiped the tears away in seconds. I felt the need to go over and hug Blaine, but Kurt gave him a quick squeeze for me. Cooper just stared down at his feet, as if he was unsure what to say. "Go, if you're late on set, they'll throw you out of there." Cooper joked dryly, and Blaine looked up at him with a soft smile.

"I wish they would," was his only statement as Cooper shut his eyes.

"Come on." Blaine ushered for us to leave. Finn held my hand when he knew I was down. I swore I had just the cutest, sweetest baby boy ever, even though he was as tall as a tree. I watched Kurt walk beside Blaine, as a very small, slightly pudgy (not very, okay, I knew I wasn't on America's Next Model, but honestly, I was just describing her, not that being pudgy is a bad thing!) girl walked towards Blaine and Kurt.

"You almost forgot me in the highlights of your events…"

"This is Sebastian's sister," Blaine seemed to introduce the blonde-haired girl to us. I remembered Sebastian immediately from Kurt's very lucid rants around the dinner table, the boy that slushied Blaine and nearly blinded him, and the boy that tried to get into Blaine's pants (teenagers!), as well as he tried to blackmail my Finny by posting a "bad" picture of him (that was as far as Finn would tell me) and then Rachel elaborated by saying it was a photoshopped picture of him naked with heels – which caused me to abandon the casserole cooking in my oven and go tell Burt to get the chainsaw ready. He calmed me down instead. I was his voice of reason when Kurt was hurt and when the roles were reversed, he was mine (even though I would've really cut off something _very dear_ to him with that chainsaw)—though I supposed those pictures leaked around and those rumours made Burtie Bear want to go around and kill him to. Then, I tried to remind him that Lima was probably targeting him as well (the town we lived in! Really!).

"How's Sebastian?" was her quick question.

"How's Chandler?" Kurt also asked, causing Blaine to wince.

"Chandler? What brought Chandler into this?" Blaine's voice was completely jealous and hyperaware.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Chandler is Sebastian's cousin, Blaine," and I can see even more contempt in Blaine's eyes. I can tell that they had a horrible memory associated with said Chandler (once again, I will keep on repeating this statement: teenagers! Bringing you the worst kind of drama for no apparent reason) as they were definitely not being subtle about it. "I thought Chandler and I can be friends, because you told me you were just freaked out about me going to NYADA and…"

Kurt trailed off then.

"You're not losing me," Blaine muttered towards Kurt. "I promise."

Kurt nodded his head, and then smiled widely. "Chandler's a really good guy," he then said. "Blaine, there's _no_ reason to be jealous because I told _you_, that I'm not gonna lose you either."

Blaine finally gave up and nodded his head. Kurt smiled sweetly at him. Andrea looked down at him and shook his head. "Does my family have something against you two together or something?" Kurt and Blaine flustered and Finn chuckled as Andrea took us to her car.

She stopped when her cell buzzed annoyingly. "Chandler and Sebastian's planes will land in an hour. I have to go pick them up after I go so if I'm a little late, I wasn't devouring by a sea monster."

Kurt nodded his head slowly, but Blaine looked quizzical as Andrea quickly explained. "They're here for a funeral," she said but didn't elaborate as she got into the car and then Kurt looked at Blaine very quickly.

"Sebastian's Mother's."

I felt a weigh go heavy on my chest, because I knew how important a Mother was – after all, I was a Mother, but there was just something about losing one at such a young age that repulsed me. Finn understood immediately, making me smile as I sat in the back with him and Kurt, whilst Blaine sat in the front with Andrea. They were driving towards the studio and I was just thinking. I was thinking of how the boy must feel like, and Kurt looked like he knew more – he always had this cautious look, as if trying not to appear like he knew more but it actually gave him away all of the time, at least to me. Finn was slightly oblivious (not that it was a bad thing! It didn't mean my baby was stupid. He was just different) and Blaine was too nervous to or tried to ignore it.

When Andrea stopped, she looked back towards us, with a soft smile. "I guess welcome to Blaine's Hollywood life then!"

I had a feeling that it was _not_ pretty. With strength, Blaine was standing, and will remain standing strong…I _hoped_. With what the dear's breakdown today…I just hoped.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	17. Chapter 17 – Spin Cycle

_since i was slow in updating, you get two chappies!_

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_Chapter 17 – Spin Cycle_

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_Blaine's POV_

In my countless reverie of making it big, I had always dreamed of Broadway. The Hunger Games were at the back of my mind. As I stepped inside, Garrett had stared at Kurt with a rather unnerved expression, then his eyes drifted quickly to Andrea, recognising her and giving her a nod and his eyes back to Finn and Carole, and then he bit down his lower lip. "So, Blainey, decided to bring your family? None of them look anything like you." Garrett dismissed it as anything else.

I shook my head and quickly introduced them. "This is Carole, she's Finn's parent, and Kurt's stepmother, and this is Finn, Kurt's stepbrother, and this is Kurt—"

"—oh, _the boyfriend_," Garrett recognised him completely from the tabloids. He was looking up and down at Kurt as if silently disapproving his clothing. I suddenly had a need to punch Garrett, because Kurt wasn't wearing anything outrageous, the designs were a bit feminine and his shoes made him look like he was androgynous but it wasn't like Kurt was standing in a dress (and I wouldn't mind it if he was!). I suddenly glared at Garrett, not caring about anything else.

"Hey, you don't talk about him like _that_, or stare at him like _that_, okay? You show him some _respect_. Just because he dresses different doesn't me he deserves _that_ look."

My director wasn't appreciative of this, but Kurt was flushing deeply, completely appreciating the gesture but not believing that the outburst was needed but it did. This industry had been giving me _nothing_ but crap and I couldn't stand it anymore. They can do whatever the hell they wanted with me, but with Kurt, no. Not anymore. I just wanted to show that right now. "Cute," he huffed, but he was honestly displeased. I knew he couldn't deny me. If he threw me off set, even better but he told me to get in line with Jennifer.

Jennifer who walked towards me and then blew a kiss at me. To this, I retaliated by grabbing Kurt's arm and pushing him forward towards me, before letting my hand run towards Kurt's side as if just to show her that I wasn't going to let them get to me and my boyfriend. Kurt seemed to look away at this, but I just thought it was because he was slightly insecure. "Okay, on set."

I had memorised my lines, of course, and had read it the script back to back, but it was all different. Now, it was a scene just before the Games, when they were placing the trackers, so it was more directed towards Katniss, aka Jennifer, than I, and I just hoped that was the case. She played an amazing Katniss on set, but off set, she was just…a little clingy and touchy. Finn told me that Kurt was just like that with him, just a lot less as bad and not as direct. I blushed and thought that Jen just needed the right guy. Liam was staring at me like I was getting in the way of his romance. _Sigh_. I _hated_ this place. I _hated_ the environment. The only good thing there was the muffins, and as Finn tried one, he told me they were real dry.

"They're muffins, Finn," Kurt reminded him. "They're supposed to be dry."

I smiled at him. I just really was happy to be able to look across and find Kurt again. It was so long that I was able to do that that right now I really just appreciated it. He was beautiful, as beautiful as always, stunning and my heart just thudded a million times over. I laughed at the thought of him fearing that he'd lose me…I still feared of losing him. How can someone so perfect want someone like me that put them through so much pain? I ran my hand through Kurt's face. "I really am sorry."

"By the end of these three months, I'll be in New York," Kurt muttered, as if trying to think optimistically. I smiled at him for it, and then kissed his cheek.

"I made Bailey make low-fat vanilla muffins for you." I called out, and Kurt's head suddenly snapped as his eyes widened.

"Where?" he asked, and I just laughed.

"Come here, Prada bear," and I led him back towards my studio room. There were that basket muffins she'd sent me. Bailey loved baking and she was one of the people here that I actually liked, and Kurt looked around to notice the amount of roses and bouquets that were around. He grabbed a muffin, taking a huge bite and then walking around to inspect the fresh flowers.

"Oh my God," Kurt said, eyes wide as he looked through all of this. "People sent you flowers?"

"New ones every day," I mentioned, with a raised eyebrow but Kurt kept on looking at them in disbelief, almost enough to make me laugh. He picked up a few flowers from each bouquet but then I stopped him. "Take them. All of them if you want." I offered.

"Blaine, I just can't possibly—"

I put my fingertips to those pink lips and then replaced my finger with my lips. The sound of his soft moaning revived me back to life. It had been so long. I can feel his body against mine. I ran my hand down his hip. It was a gentle movement and Kurt responded by placing a hand on my waist, as our lips met into soft kisses. He tasted just like how I remembered and he smelled just the same. Even in a room full of roses, all I can smell was lavender. I pulled back to stare into his eyes. "We didn't schedule this," I laughed softly, but Kurt didn't seem to care anymore as he hungrily leaned down for more, our mouths meeting in sweet taste…

"I missed you," he muttered as he brought me close to his chest, running his fingers through my hair. I honestly suddenly didn't care if he'd ungel it with his fingers and not because I had a bottle of gel on my dresser, I just didn't care about anything when he held me like _this_. "I missed you so much," he repeated, his voice so sweet that it was like honey dripping from my heart.

I looked up at him, and then I nodded. "I missed you too." I kissed him again. "Today, I saw you, and I swear…it was like falling in love with you all over again."

He laughed. It was small and there was just so much delight in his eyes. If he was my Katniss, then I would forever be his Peeta. I would have done everything, everything, to be with him right now. I was blessed. This moment felt like it healed all of the wounds, even though they'd snap back open in moments, in hours probably, and I'd hurt again, but just not for now. Now, we were just Kurt and Blaine and nobody knew us, and we were locked in this room full of roses. And that was just what love will always be.

"You're so beautiful no matter what," I marvelled.

Then the door opened and our embrace was left broken. Suddenly, I was reminded that I made Kurt's life a living hell and I didn't deserve him. I was staring into the eyes of Garrett, whom told me that I was on for this scene. I nodded silently and looked at Kurt. Kurt was hurt, obviously, but he nodded as he slid out of the dresser, and before I left, he grabbed my wrist, and pulled me backwards. He had dabbed a good amount of gel. I had almost forgotten about my hair as Kurt had ran it through to secure it in its place. Just as I was leaving, I heard Kurt whisper "you're beautiful too, okay?" and my heart pounded in beautiful adrenaline.

I did my scene with so much energy I almost thought I was high. It was not to smile, or laugh, or sing. I did it anyway, and then I was done for the next three days. There were the forest scenes that they had to film that was just Katniss, then I was on for another two, and was off for an entire three or four weeks because it was just Katniss and Rue then, with a little bit of me here and there, which they'd film those two days. Then they had to snap back to me and they were taking me for a month and a half to finish off those scenes, then possibly, in mid-August, the film will be out in cinemas.

Apparently, the director applauded at this very quick job of post-production that he wasn't used to. We were quick. Finishing up an entire worldwide movie in this little time. Then again, for a lot of these scenes, we didn't have to really leave anywhere. Our sets were all made. The forest wasn't even a problem because we using the Angeles National Forest to film it all up. Geoff's amazing animation skills will add in the blasts and sounds and all. Sometimes I sat with him when Jennifer had to play Katniss with Cinna and it was all going to be amazing. All of our equipment were ready for months now. We had everything. We just had to apply it.

It scared me though. The director partially thought it was because of my talent with my lines. Practically everyone one the set had a photographic memory so none of us messed up a line or anything so far, which was ridiculously good.

After I was done on set, Kurt was staring at me with wide eyes. "Blaine, did you realise how amazing that was?" he shook his head, almost as if he was trying to get that thought of his head. He looked like he felt out of place and dissociated. I didn't know how else to describe it, like he didn't quite fit in LA, and the social scene. I really just wanted people to stop saying that. I was through with talent. Screw it. I just stared back at Kurt and he was shaking his head.

"Blaine, I'm serious…how can you—"

"Kurt, if you tell me 'how can I still want you?' then I will lose it because I'm still wondering why you're putting up with me. I made the whole of Lima treat you like you're nothing." I suddenly felt my face go hot-white. It was true, and then I added on. "You came to me at first to help you with bullying and all I've done is hurt you and make it worse and it's not fair to you."

Kurt chortled.

"It's _not_ funny, Kurt," I told him sternly.

"Blaine, it's _not_ your fault," he muttered. "Yes, I'm incredibly jealous of you, and you are unbelievably talented, and for that, I am full of envy and jealousy for you, but like everyone said, you didn't ask for this part, did you? I can't do anything. I was angry at first, and jealous right now, but you're my boyfriend, aren't you? Or am I going to lose you too to this?"

"No," I nodded sternly towards him. I didn't want to lose him. I almost felt like I was itching to pick a fight, but I was just pointing out what felt like the obvious to me. "You're never gonna lose me."

"Good," Kurt was staring at me right now with really strong, blue eyes as he hugged me as tight as ever.

"So, what's for lunch?" Finn called out, breaking me out of my thoughts. He was enjoying himself with a bunch of mini-pizzas that as far as I knew, tasted like heaven rolled in cheese and tomato sauce on a fluffy cloud of amazing (okay, I just _loved_ food, okay?). I smiled and looked back at Kurt then I heard a voice behind me that I didn't want to ever hear in my life.

Ever.

"Hey, Blainey." It sounded like someone teasing me. I turned around and was face to face in Sebastian Smythe, the one who knew how my body looked like, the one who had pictures of me, the one who stole Kurt's laptop and invaded his and mine's privacy, the one that made Kurt's life a living Hell (not that I didn't), the one standing right in front of me with a smirk on his face. My head was going through spin cycle and then…that was it. Then I just lost _it_, whatever _it_ was. In moments, I lunged towards Sebastian, throwing punches at his stomach. I thought I heard a small gasp. I saw Andrea quickly, with her eyes wide and her hands over her mouth and a blonde with thick-framed glasses that must've been Chandler standing beside her holding her elbow. I wanted to stop and regain self-control.

I punched harder.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	18. Chapter 18 – The Light At the End

_posted two chappies due to my slow updating on this story. :P_

_Deals heavily with suicide and angst and alcoholic intoxication (don't read if easily triggered). _

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_Chapter 18 – The Light At the End_

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_Cooper's POV_

So, you walked in a set to check up on your brother and try to rebuild broken bridges, only to find him on the ground punching the living shit out of another tall guy (did he make fun of Blaine's height or something?). My body was weak from the alcohol abuse that I was giving it and right now, I felt like throwing up on the both of them. I grabbed Blaine with my hands, even though I barely had any energy left from the days of just throwing out my body like it was made out of trash into any bar really, and any casino and drinking and gambling and throwing away the little money I had left.

I, Cooper Anderson, was _broke_. Andrea was practically the only one who knew, and acted like my Mother about it.

"Blaine, stop hitting my baby brother!" Andrea finally found the courage to screech. Really? That was Andrea's _baby_ brother? He looked six years older than her and Andrea was in her mid-twenties. I watched him push Blaine away and give him a very cold, speculated look.

"You embarrassed me," Blaine finally commented. "My body! Everyone in the world knows how I practically look like naked! What did you say to them—?"

"Nothing, okay! It was all me getting drunk on Scandals and making up stories and before you asked, yes; I hacked into Hummel's laptop. Yes, I forward those pics to me. Yes, they were deliciously naughty and yes, I practically illustrated your body to all of the world!" I was heaving now, trying not to punch the living shit out of him. You didn't do that to my baby brother, okay? Nobody did shit like that. Suddenly, that blonde guy was getting very pale and shocked, and Andrea looked like they ran over rabbits by a truck, because her eyes were ready to pop out of her skull. So, this was her innocent cute baby brother. Yeah, _right_.

"Sebastian," Andrea sounded very disappointed.

Sebastian didn't look at her. "Don't even talk to me. Father sent _Chandler_ to tell me that _my Mother was fucking dead_."

Andrea flinched and then tears filled her eyes. "You remind us so much of her, Bas. We just didn't want you to do something like that. It was the only reason he pushed you away, honest, because he can't deal with her dying, and he can't deal with losing you too."

"Fuck him," he muttered. "So he sent me to a boarding school and called me every six months now?"

Andrea visibly flinched again and that blonde – which I presumed was Chandler from the way he reacted when Sebastian said the name – moved towards him with a very soft expression on his face. Chandler leaned down and then stared into his eyes.

"And you," Sebastian began, grabbing Chandler's wrist and pulling himself and Chandler up. "Stand up. Now."

Chandler did, and that was when Sebastian looked at him, and then punched him so hard my eyes widened and Blaine bit down his throat. "You are a piece of lousy nothing," Sebastian spat out coldly. Chandler shook his head.

"Sebastian, calm down. Please."

"Why the hell should _I_ calm down? I should've finished the job," and I had no idea what 'the job' was but it was making that Chandler guy wince. That was definitely _not_ a good sign. It was like the minute he started talking about his Mother, he felt the need to hit something, like something was in his mind that he couldn't really erase, so he retaliated by violence. It didn't seem like the first time, and I can tell that from the way that Chandler reacted, though he looked a little fragile – the type that if you said the wrong words, they'd break down crying. It looked like Chandler was fighting that.

"Sebastian," Andrea's voice was weak. "Please, don't be like this. You're heading somewhere we don't want you to go."

I guessed that this was a replay of his Mother's downfall, because that was how Andrea and Chandler were treating it. Like he can insult them and throw him off a million times but they wouldn't let go, because it would hurt him more than ever. He was _purposely_ pushing them away and that was obvious. "I don't want to go to her fucking funeral. I hated her." Sebastian snapped coldly. "I hated everything about her. I hate how much I'm like her. And you know how she was. She hated everyone. She hated everything. She just wanted to drink and have sex and hope that she can fuck away everything. She hoped she wanted to die and they'd bury her in jewels. I bet they didn't even find her with clothes on. Mommy was a whore. And I am just like her, and it ticks you off, doesn't it? That she was so broken but you pretended that she wasn't—"

"She wasn't broken, Sebastian—"

Sebastian cut her off. "She wasn't broken," he laughed after slowly resaying the statement. "Can you hear her cry at night? I did her makeup so she can go out and be a pretty slut all she wanted. I had Daddy Dearest pull me in Dalton in terms of thinking I wouldn't start getting high on heroin again and drink myself into a death so similar to hers it would probably look like I was trying to copy her. Tsk, tsk, I'd be making a cover of her song, wouldn't I?"

"Please, just stop, Sebastian." Andrea's voice was low. I hated seeing her like this. She barely looked like this, and she only sounded like that when she was really hurt. "Momma loved both of us."

"Mother loved no-one but herself," Sebastian laughed right now, and it was a bitter laugh. "She married a man she never loved and had children she will never love and then fucked one of her relatives—I won't be hard-pressed if Chandler ends up crazy. She never loved me and I never loved her and I don't love anyone, do I? Huh?"

"Blaine," Chandler's voice was low. "You love Blaine."

"What the fuck?" Sebastian spat out, walking towards Chandler with threatening eyes. "I don't love Blaine. I wanted to get into his pants—"

"No, you _love_ Blaine." Chandler's voice was really soft. "I know, Bas, because you smile. I've never seen you smile before."

He punched Chandler again and I was seriously going to do something, but I couldn't. I could only stare as Chandler looked back up at him, now eyes full of tears.

"Fuck you, Chandler. Fuck you, and your short, unlovable, disgusting, unwanted, slutty, fat ass." He said in the slowest voice possible, drawing out every word with so much ice it nearly got to me as Chandler shut his eyes, tears falling freely from his eyes. Kurt walked towards him. Sebastian turned to Andrea. "Come on. I want to leave. I don't like these people. I don't like people." He seemed snippier with the minute.

Kurt was holding Chandler tightly in his arms again, silently shooting a look towards Blaine, whom just couldn't register what happened as Kurt rocked Chandler back and forth with soft _Shh's_ being drawn out of his breath every few minutes. The set was silent. Everyone was staring, director, co-stars, people just passing by, and Chandler was still crying so Kurt wiped away his tears and rocked him until he calmed down. Kurt looked back up at Carole. "Bas isn't allowed to do that…isn't that…like abuse or something? He hit Chandler. _He hit him twice_ and it was like he didn't care."

Chandler shook his head. I was shocked. I wondered what kind of person allowed to be hit like that. "No, no, it's okay," he whispered. "Sebastian does it all the time. I'm used to it right now."

I felt sick to my stomach. Suddenly, I was re-evaluating the situation in my head. I wondered if the way I pushed Blaine around when we were kids can be thought of as bullying or abuse. I knew I was hitting buttons but I always thought it was for his own good. Then again, Blaine always avoided me as a kid. He hated those sessions with a strong fire. I thought I was building him. I forced him to do them and when he sung really good, it really showed on him. He was more confident. But then again, I changed a lot in him, his sleeping patterns (he always woke up before me when we were kids so he can have some time to himself), he had nightmares about stuff I didn't know and I can guess I was a recurring theme, and he used to eat so much all at once before he picked up boxing. Now, he boxed his way into nothing. He used to grab onto his action figures and play out me screaming at him, and I remembered how he made the Blaine doll always sink lower, like he was hurt. Blaine would be playing. He didn't understand. I was just pissed. I thought I was _helping_ him.

Fuck, Coop, you always fuck this stuff up. I was looking at Chandler right now. He had brown eyes, just like Blaine – brown eyes, and they were all big-eyed and hurt and _fuckfuckfuck_—why do you always fuck things up, Cooper? Huh? Huh? I suddenly couldn't stand being in the same room with myself. Get jealous and hurt Blaine over a part he didn't like. He didn't need you to progress. He would've gotten there on his own, really. He was a talented little kid. He was singing and you noticed and you pushed. He would've gotten there on his own. Blaine was here of his own accord. He trained himself. You just pushed and brought him down like the fucking monster you were. I couldn't get the image of Chandler out of my head. I just felt like throwing up right now but I didn't eat anything yet. Good. I wanted a drink. I really just wanted alcohol right now.

I was going to get it. Fail Blaine. Like I've always fucking failed him. If you were such an amazing brother, Coop, then why were you as guilty as fuck?

"Come on, Chandler. We'll take you out for lunch," Kurt soothed him. "Blaine, Finn, Carole and I can get a cab and we'll get in…Cooper, are you…?"

"No, I'm not coming with," I just said. I didn't know what Blaine was thinking. I didn't look at him as I left. My head was still filled with images of Chandler, and Sebastian hurting him. I never quite hit him. I never struck him or anything but it didn't mean that I wasn't toying with his emotions and from the way that Chandler's eyes filled when Sebastian had called him that, then I figured that the emotional hurt was more. Blaine was a broken person, and I was the one that fucking broke him. It started with me. Fuck me. I just wanted to go drink myself to death. So that was what I did. I sped off, no regrets, and I bought bottles full of champagne and vodka, bought it and went back home. And I drank and I drank and I drank.

Andrea was off to her job. She was the only one paying for a living. I paid for bottles of alcohol with the money she gave me as a little allowance. Pathetic, Cooper. I couldn't bear get up and find myself a contract, or a deal. I walked in and Sebastian was there. He looked like he was thinking. I sat beside him and I gave him a bottle. He drank it. We drank together. We were so much the same. We ended up kissing each other. I didn't know but my arms were pinning him towards the ground. If our clothes will be off in seconds, then who cared? I needed his skin. He needed mine.

There was no light in the end. Just a void of blackness. He kept on drinking. I carried him. He almost felt like lightweight in my arms, and then I shut the door, locked it. We kissed, and kissed, until our lips infused. My mind was fuzzy. I can remember how he felt like but not why I kissed him, not why this had to start. I remembered how his body felt like underneath me, how warm it was. He just kept on drinking. He was moaning and groaning and I didn't touch him enough. I drank. He drank and through some bits, we'd undress ourselves. With every time we took those generous gulps, we threw away our clothes, each article. Then he started to look paler, and paler, and he was throwing up, but I still tried to get on top of him as he curled to one side. The scent of vomit wasn't enough to tear him away from me. He just kept on drinking. I didn't know why but he just kept on drinking until his body was shaking underneath me. So many bottles. He reached for another and I didn't know why I didn't stop him. His skin was cold and clammy, and his breaths were getting fewer and fewer by the scent. The last thing I felt like before I passed out was the feel of our clammy skin together, as he whimpered. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was "_I'm coming now, Maman_."

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	19. Chapter 19 – Fear of Flying

_I really tried to explain everything in Rachel's point of view of the whole situation. I didn't want to make her sound cruel. Just that her own reasoning was different than Kurt's or Finn's, which is why I wanted to concur it here. She's more based on logic and fact in my mind. Rachel's reasoning here is a little blurred though towards people she likes (aka Karofsky for example) and people she hates (Sebastian). Deals heavily with a _

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_Chapter 19 – Fear of Flying_

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_Rachel's POV_

"Rachel."

Finn's voice at the end of the phone alerted me more than it should have. I couldn't feel nor do anything. Moments after the screaming match I had with Kurt, I found myself unable to hear Finn's voice without feeling the weight of the world down at my shoulders. I was unable to suppress the emotions that were burning inside of me right now. "Rache, remember Cooper?" my mind flashed to his star-dazzling smile, and those wide amazingly blue eyes as I nodded, even though he couldn't see me over the phone.

"And Sebastian?"

"Yes, Finn, now _spill it,_" agitation had gotten the best of me, even though I knew that Finn was a semi-fragile state right about now but I couldn't bear with him, almost as if all my patience had disappeared when I talked to Finn. It wasn't Finn's fault he was slightly dense (I was allowed to call him that, as he called himself dense multiple of times so why not?).

"Sebastian's sister, Andy, like found them on top of each other in bed, and Sebastian was breathing so low that it was like he was gonna die. There is so much alcohol around him, like…like so much that it was like a drinking contest between ten people sort of thing…" Finn's voice was lower now and my heart pounded in my chest. "I just felt like I had to tell you."

"Finn," my voice was lower now. Suddenly, Kurt's words were in my head. I wasn't a bad person – oblivious yes, sometimes, and my heart was swooned by his sweet gesture. He was the one to call me and tell me he was going to LA. He was the one to ask me if I wanted something when he was there. He was the one that told me about him sneaking out to see Blaine and how shocked he was. He told me everything, spilling it out like an open book for me to listen when he knew I would judge him. I already had. It was just so hard not to berate him for taking his anxiety pills like they were nothing (he might seriously get hurt), and how much crap he ate (yes, I called him fat sometimes but he called himself fat, so it wasn't like I was being awfully mean to him). My reasoning seemed valid. I, Rachel Berry, didn't mind if someone used my own words against me, after all – I wouldn't say them if they couldn't restate and use them. It only made sense, didn't it?

"I'm kinda scared right now." Finn admitted in that puppy-dog sort of voice of his when he was worried about something a whole lot.

"It's gonna be okay. Besides, it's _Sebastian_." I tried to reason with him. All signs pointed towards me that nobody should really care about _Sebastian_ of all people – after all of the stuff he did to Blaine, to Kurt, blackmailing Finn, he shouldn't even deserve their sympathy. He'd led to his own downfall. He wanted to die, so why stop him? I knew they were harsh, cruel thoughts but surely, if he tried to kill himself, it was a sign he didn't want anyone around him anymore. They were doing the exact opposite then, by smothering him with concern and words, for a person that didn't want them. It wasn't cruel or horrible, because in my own reasoning and mind, what I wanted, I got. And Sebastian wasn't unlike me or Santana in terms of ambition, he wanted it, so he would eventually get it. He wanted to push away people. They were playing with what he wanted, due to their own over concerned minds.

It broke my heart when Quinn had her accident because she didn't ask for it. Some of them said that suicide was just a cry for help, but then again, what if they succeeded? It wasn't just a cry for help. They wanted to end their lives – and who was I to stand in their way and tell them otherwise? What had he done for me to try and convince him that? Yes. It was an unpleasant way of thinking, but I worked by logicality. Like New York and Finn. I knew he could make it big on New York if he wanted to, so yes, I pressured him. I pressured him because it was what was good for him. The Army? It wasn't that I was opposed to the Army; I just didn't want my boyfriend to die a tragic death and have Carole face it through. I thought of other people, but Sebastian didn't when he decided to pull the trigger. It was a selfish act in my mind. I knew I wasn't the one to talk about beings selfish, but I admitted it – sometimes. I was full of too much pride. I wanted things way too much.

I thought of things differently, and Mr Schue had always condoned being different, so why was this any different? Because it went against 'moral code' that I wasn't allowed to feel this way? Everyone had their own strict way of thinking. Kurt didn't believe in God and yes, whilst we were initially shocked, we took it in normally, so if I thought suicide was more of a coward's way out since they weren't facing their troubles and it was more of a whine than a cry for help, then who was I to be judged for it? I heard Finn's voice knock me out of my train of thought.

"It isn't _just_ Sebastian, Rache. He's really hurt…like enough to try and off himself. His Mom died you know and…he didn't know until a few days ago and Chandler told him."

Mr Between-the-Sheets? What relation did he have with Sebastian?

"Chandler's like, Sebastian's cousin," Finn added on, answering my question as I found myself standing in front of my mirror. I thought of my own insecurities, my nose, my voice failing me – of course, all of these problems could be solved with a confidence boost, which Sebastian didn't need, then what kind of insecurity did Sebastian have that needed to be fixed? I suddenly was probing through this like a psychologist in people's brains. I wanted to know the reasons. Yes, his pain wasn't any less than mine and I was stronger because I didn't want to just 'off' myself even with the things that have happened to me with Shelby, with stuffing the ballot box, with –

"Why did he do it?" I suddenly asked directly, knowing Finn wouldn't think it was too straightforward, whereas Kurt would blow up and go 'who cares why he did it, Rache? The fact that he was in enough pain to do it…'.

"Like from what Kurt and Chandler told me, his Mom died the same way and they're her for her funeral. He completely blew up in front of Chandler and started punching him a few hours ago. It really freaked Chandler out, and now, this is freaking him out a lot. I thought about giving him some of my meds, but then again, like – they're prescribed to me, and I don't know if they'll really make Chandler go nauseous or have some really serious side effects on him, 'cause it's really strong and potent." I knew it was wrong but Finn knew what potent meant? I turned my head away and then bit down my lower lip. So he was practically re-staging his Mother's death, which would have been dramatic on stage but in real life, it felt like he was spiting them in my eyes. Almost as if he was doing the exact opposite of what anyone else wanted to do, like a rebellion. This thought process caused my blood to boil. I was angry at Sebastian because right now, he was almost mocking actual suicide. I doubted he was in that much pain. I doubted all of it, with Sebastian's cold, heartless personality. He just didn't love people. He couldn't love people. He just wanted the attention on him. After all, what had he done to make me believe otherwise?

Now, I knew what you must be thinking – but Rachel, you _just_ said suicide was for cowards. Yes, well, I am balanced out to _two_ parts, with exceptions. Everyone had exceptions. Like Dave Karofsky's situation, which I can completely understand – he was driven to it, shoved with those horrible words that Kurt showed me – who can be so heartless about someone dying? – but Sebastian initiated it for _no reason at all_, just for electing sympathy he didn't deserve as Finn had told me, he had punched Chandler repeatedly and he 'freaked him out'. He hadn't changed a bit. 'Reformed' my cute little butt.

"Rachel, what do I do? I'm kinda worried, 'cause his Mom _died_ this way…"

"Finn, you do realise this is practically all staged. It's just so you can feel sorry for him, right?"

"Rachel, he was really close to death! He might be dead right now. I don't think that he'd do something that risky," point valid, but then again, he did want to die. That point was obvious, but he wanted to go off with a bang, somewhat impressive way of suicide as I've seen it. I've read too much and seen too many musicals to know in reality, it didn't happen like that. People like Sebastian that lived by the arts wanted to die in a way illustrated by only the arts, which seemed kind of suspicious to _me_. I plain didn't trust Sebastian at all. No, I wasn't 'sad' that he wanted to die – each of us had our own desires. After all, Kurt didn't elect this kind of response when I told him I dreamed of my death and dreamed to hear _Don't Cry for Me Argentina _playing at my funeral? Not an elect of response from him and whilst Rachel Berry didn't think of suicide, she did think of her death more than what deemed to be normal.

I wanted to go off with that perfect ending. I wanted to sing in the stars as my body disappeared off into the sky. I wanted the closure that I'd never gotten with Shelby, or the final end with Finn and I. I wanted the closure that I got on stage, drifting me away until the day I died because I didn't want to die any other way, not with a promise that can be shattered. Yes, I drove Finn away, but he was supposed to stick with me, if he loved me, right? All I did was the best, the absolute best for him. Sebastian hurt Kurt, he hurt Blaine in ways I couldn't fathom still, and now, they were worried about his quest of death? Did it ever occur to them that he wanted this? That he wanted to die, so it was best just to let him be because he'll try, try, try again until he got it right? It was selfish of _them_ to hold on when Sebastian didn't want it to. They wouldn't be able to cope. That would be the only reason. They had no good memories with Sebastian, but they'd feel guilty. They were just as bad as I was. The only thing about me was that I was thinking logically right about now. Karofsky wanted escape. Sebastian wanted to elect sympathy. There were differences. Karofsky did it in a spin of a moment in his room, unplanned, but Sebastian _planned_ this out, like it was a joke, a _game_.

If anything, _Kurt_ had more reason to throw his life away – trying to maintain a perfect image, keeping up with society, homophobia, trying to deal with his boyfriend's sudden fame (even though that would've been a plus to me – I just didn't understand Kurt. You used your assets to your _advantage_)—actually, now thinking about it, Kurt had pretty much everything he needed. He just didn't use it. He had Blaine's fame, but he didn't use it to his advantage. He could've gotten everything he wanted by now but he was too stubborn to his way of thinking and not exploring all of his options. The same I'd say for Sebastian. Yes, losing his Mother was something I can understand. I felt like Shelby was just dead, even when she wasn't because we were just…not together in that way I've always wanted, but I've learned to cope and abandon those thoughts, but why couldn't he? Why weren't they stronger when they tried to project to the word that they were?

Don't get me wrong – Kurt was my best friend, but his logicality didn't make any sense to me. How can this be any different than Kurt highlighting his ass in a pair of jeans to show off his assets? Blaine can be just the same. He had a competitive advantage towards everyone and he wasn't willing to show it off. That thought still baffled me. It was placing something that was of good use away for no reason at all.

"Finn, he does want to die," I reasoned with him. "Just let him."

"What?"

"Finn—"

"What if I told you _I_ wanted to die?" he suddenly erratically responded. I chuckled, because Finn was probably the last person on Earth to think about suicide, but in the heat of the moment, he would probably mention it up just to equalise the situation between him and Sebastian. They weren't the same. It was like bringing a saint and a sinner to church and trying to tell them that they were practically the same thing. He then added on. "You think this is funny, Rachel?"

"No, Finn, it's just that—"I tried to explain my perspective but he cut me off.

"Rachel, this is serious. You didn't act this way when Karofsky tried to do it…"

I cleared my throat and then launched. "Because Dave actually had reasons. Sebastian's doing it for attention. He has no reasons."

I hated him with a bloody fury and he didn't deserve any else's sympathy, nor did he need it. He'll just try again because he was just as vain as I was. He wanted that beautifully staged death, with the songs up in the air as he flied away off into nothing. He and I were the same practically, and I hated every fibre of myself as he did. Of course, I would never off myself. I wanted to die slowly, but he had to take the easy way out like a coward, and had to hurt everyone else. Of course, my death will hurt people in the unforeseen future, but it would be nature taking me instead of my own accord, electing too much guilt. Yes, I was selfish sometimes, but the kind of hurt you get when you thought you were responsible for someone's death – that won't go away, but the kind of hurt they would feel with me, knowing it was my time and they couldn't do anything about it will fade away. Rachel Berry would be just a memory. He didn't want a memory. He wanted a story, a story they can tell and cry over. Selfishness to the extent that I can't fathom.

"_Rachel_," Finn sounded so betrayed and it almost made me think that I was thinking the wrong way but what did Finn know? He was naïve. After all, he thought that Quinn was pregnant with his baby without them having sex. He had sudden bursts of intelligence but Finn wasn't on the decathlon team any time soon from what I knew. "This stuff is really serious." He almost talked to me like I _didn't_ know.

"I know, Finn, but I'm just stating the obvious. He wants to make you guilty for something you couldn't save him from. If he was just a little less selfish, he would wait until he died to make his big staged dramatic death," like me. Like I would. Live your dream on the stage, and die on it like I wanted to. Find the closure you needed and take it all and hold it so close that it would be just the most beautiful perfect end. Then I can rest. Then maybe they can understand. Then maybe Finn would hold my cold body into his arms and cry until his tears became inked into my flesh, as I flew high. I would fly lengths I would be afraid of flying.

"I just can't believe you," Finn honestly sounded betrayed. "Really, Rache. I'm gonna leave right now because talking to you is making me more upset."

Couldn't you be any more subtle, Finn? I heard the phone click. I laid down on my bed, thinking the whole situation over, but my logic made sense, in some twisted way. I laid down to sleep, with the last thoughts belting out syllables of _Don't Cry for Me Argentina_, thoughts of Finn in my mind…_the truth is I never left you_…

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	20. Chapter 20 – Oh, Just Brilliant

_now that i have my laptop. i can update this story!_

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_Chapter 20 – Oh, Just Brilliant_

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_Finn's POV_

Blaine was ready to explode. He had reporters everywhere and he knew Sebastian really needed to be alone. I still had Rachel's words in my head. How can she think like that? I kinda wondered why I was dating her still. It kinda hurt me that she just laughed and snorted when I asked her how would she react if it was me. Like, I did it to explain what I was thinking, but she completely blew it off, like I can't do it. Like I wasn't allowed to be depressed or hurt, or anything. It kinda pissed me off. Rache always did stuff like that. She pushed away my body issues like it was nothing. I still just can't eat okay when I was around her. Like she would never know this, or Kurt, or Mom, or anyone – but the only reason I needed anxiety meds was because I always freaked at her idea of perfect. She was really perfect and she expected me to be the same. Yeah, I was the male lead, and I wondered why the hell I was jealous of Blaine taking up my spot, because I was dying for anyone to do that right now.

Blaine had done nothing but scream and cry since I walked in to find them. I didn't know what to do (like could I have saved any of them if I decided to stop thinking about my stomach and go into the kitchen before? I felt like I was standing for hours before Blaine walked in and saw what I did. But he did something—like it was still in my head that if I stood there a little while longer, they'd both be dead). They were barely breathing. I wondered why Blaine wasn't angry with me because I would've punched me in the face a lot of times right now. Cooper and Sebastian were just feet away, separate beds. They said that Sebastian's liver was failing. They had those tube things so they can _breathe_. That freaked me out. Coop was aware and awake, but Sebastian was definitely practically striving to live. They hooked them both to a saline 'cause their blood sugars were really low right now. They gave Cooper some sort of vitamin because he was drinking so much. He looked really pale right now, like all he was doing was drink alcohol.

"You idiot," Andrea was breathing out towards Cooper. She cried so much. Blaine was sitting between Cooper and Sebastian, his hand was around Cooper's right now. He hated that this was all publicised. I hated it too. We just wanted to be alone but they kept on shoving cameras in Blaine's face and he kept on blowing up. They probably made a lot of bad assumptions about Blaine but he really didn't care. He just wanted to be alone with his brother – how can they not respect that? Like the set even called him a buncha times telling him he can't skip even though Cooper was in the hospital. Blaine was really shocked when he heard that. They were pricking Sebastian with a thick, red needle.

Blaine was sitting down and watching it, holding Cooper's hand. I moved towards him. I felt like Mom was staring at me not to get too close or something because Blaine needed his space but to Kurt's shock, he just needed someone that wasn't going to push a camera up his face.

"His kidneys might just fail 'cause of his blood concentration, so that's so they can filter his blood and do what his kidneys are supposed to do," Blaine softly said, like he was giving me a biology lesson.

"Oh," was the only thing I could say. What was I supposed to say to that? I really wished I had a script sometimes 'cause I felt dumb when I said stuff like that, but I couldn't do anything else but say that. The needle looked like it really hurt. I kinda cringed and that made Blaine smile a really sad, weak smile.

"Don't like needles?"

"Fuck no," was my automatic response then I realised Mom was there, but she didn't care. We were all boxed up in a room with a possibly dying person and Cooper's really bad condition. I like remembered my Mom used to hold me when they'd prick me with those needles. I can't stand it. I almost wanted to hold Sebastian's hand, but it would be weird (not 'cause I was homophobic but I didn't know – like, I didn't feel close enough for it). Blaine was staring at me stare at his hand.

Almost as if he can read my mind, he asked me. "Want to hold his hand?"

"Yeah," I answered truthfully. I shouldn't lie about stuff like this. It was silly. "But like I'm not close to him and I'd be ruining him and Andy bonding and stuff…"

"Bonding?" Andy was really irritated. "I'm holding my possibly dying brother's arm! I don't think that it's _bonding_."

I flushed. I wanted to explain like I didn't want to break into the moment, but how could I explain that? Like when Kurt held Burt's hand in the hospital (yeah, I was there. He told me to get coffee) so I just leaned back and watched because like…Kurt was definitely just having a moment just for him and Burt. Like Mom and me when I was sick and I didn't want Rachel or Kurt to be around, as she held my face in her hand and talked to me until I felt a lot better. It was just one of those things in my head…

But Kurt then added on. "Finn, you asked me to drive two hours to see if Sebastian was okay. I think you're close enough," he was obviously ushering me to go on and hold his hand, but it would be weird still, right? But knowing Kurt he won't drop it, so I sat down in one of those really ugly plastic chairs and I held Sebastian's hand, the one where his arm was pricked with the red needle. Mom walked towards me and held my shoulder sweetly. She knew I wouldn't be like three feet anywhere near a needle. Hey! I even did this without the anxiety pills (okay. Maybe I didn't need them all the time…) I kinda relaxed a bit even though the sight of the needle was really hurting my eyes (did that make any sense?).

Actually, no, I thought I was having a panic attack right now. What if he died?

"Finn, calm down," Mom sounded out from above me.

Kurt pulled out my meds from my bag and then his eyes widened. "Finnegan Hudson! How many of these do you take?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Kurt, but this…thing has been getting worse," I flustered. It was. Like the longer I stayed here, the more pressure on Blaine, the more on Kurt and Blaine, the whole Chandler thing, the Cooper and Sebastian thing…it wasn't really helping my anxiety levels. I used to have panic attacks like once a week, but I was having a lot of them throughout the day. Like… that can't happen, right? That was really bad in my head, because they were making me depressed (I had like a really bad fear of not being able to do something when people were hurt) so this was just making it really bad and it was the reason why I asked to visit Sebastian and when I did, he had to call his home and I let him down too… who cared if he blackmailed me with a pic—I broke like his relation with his Dad and made him look all hurt. Who knew? Maybe I was the reason he tried to off himself—

I was really breathing badly right now and it was like my lungs were on fire. I felt like I was being smothered or something and I was sweating really heavily. I was practically numb all over, like I was going to faint or puke any second. _Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic_—and the Kurt in my head was all like _Calm down, Finn. Calm down. There is nothing for you to be anxious about._ I didn't know what real life Kurt was saying because his voice was really blurred, almost like real life was on mute and all the voices in my head were _screaming_.

_Oh, just brilliant, Finnegan,_ the sarcasm in my Kurt's voice sounded out and that seemed to be the final strike as real Kurt shoved my meds to me. I took a pill, but it wasn't enough. I reached for more but this time, Kurt tore them away from me.

"Finn, you can't _overdose_ on these," real Kurt said, and now, the voices were drowning out a bit, but it was really hurting my head a lot. "You should tell me when you need a more potent drug, okay?"

I nodded my head towards him. "Okay," I answered. "Can I have another pill right now? 'Cause my heart's really about to burst out of my chest, Kurt." That was how it feeling. The tingling sensation didn't go yet and I hated that. It made me feel kinda numb. I felt like I was going insane. I hated these stupid attacks. I hated the way they made me feel. I looked at Kurt, and he shook his head.

"Finn, you can't abuse these. They can hurt you." Kurt reminded me. "Doc said only one when you need it."

"They weren't _this_ bad," I tried to remind him. It needed to something. I thought I was squeezing Sebastian's hand really tightly but my head was really reeling. I felt like I was going insane. Like I can't really think anymore and squeezing his hand will take it all away. "I really need it, Kurt." I had to do something. My feet were tapping. I needed to walk and pace to try and calm down because just sitting here made it all kind of accumulate in my chest and _I can't take it_. I looked at Kurt with a really hurt expression on my face. "Please?"

Kurt looked at Mom and she nodded. It felt like I lost control of my body. Kurt sighed and gave me just one more pill which I gobbled down in record speed like it was made out of candy. I didn't really do anything which made Kurt's eyes widened. "Finn, how _badly_ have you been abusing these?"

"I haven't like slept in four days," because he knew that I didn't sleep when I took them and then I slept all afternoon but I was taking it so often that I didn't really need to sleep. "And I've been eating like I haven't seen food in weeks."

Kurt nodded slowly. I knew he can't tell it when I ate more than I do, 'cause I always eat something but I knew. Like I was trying not to shovel down everything down my throat (Mom would notice and ask me about the pills), but Kurt didn't know and it kinda made me feel really hyperaware and fat all of a sudden. I just looked back down at Sebastian and bit down my lower lip. He just shook his head.

I just stared at Blaine for a bit now that I was holding Sebastian's hand. Kurt did too now because Blaine was looking like general Hell. His head was glued to Cooper's arm and he wasn't going to leave any time soon. Andy was running her hand through Sebastian's arm, the one without all the wires, except for the saline line, and she was running her fingers through his hair. I felt really bad for the both of them. Andy had to stay strong with her Mom dead and her brother nearly killing himself with all the stuff that was going on and Blaine had to try and shove cameras away. His blonde hair (still creeped me out, even if it was just for a role) was on Cooper's shoulder. Pretty much gelled. He always looked really weird to me but right now, he just looked really broken and shattered. I tried to calm down. I really did, but everything was falling apart, so how could I not?

Blaine was sobbing right now. In a minute, if some reporter came to interview him, he'd be screaming. He just wanted to be alone – was that so bad that nobody respected it?

I was just staring at the needle for a bit, almost like it was puncturing through me. It took an hour and a half before I calmed down, and the weight was lifted off. Then I just felt sad, hurt even, and Kurt was staring at Blaine. This time, I knew with Blaine and Cooper, that was just like Burt and Kurt, and he can't just pull himself near him. Blaine just wanted to be with Cooper now, tried to hold on whatever was left of his brother. Cooper was really awake but he just didn't look at Blaine and Blaine was desperate to hear something. Cooper just didn't speak. Then he turned his head to look at his baby brother. Blaine looked up at him, with tears still running really freely down his cheeks, and then Cooper gave him a really broken smile. "I'm sorry, baby brother."

Blaine just cried harder.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	21. Chapter 21 – Waiting

_have not updated for a while. bad Sam._

_Warnings for first cousin-cousin romance, at end especially. :) just skip the last paragraph all together that way. _

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_Chapter 21 – Waiting _

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_Chandler's POV_

I thought I was _really_ going to go crazy.

My Mom was in an asylum. My Dad won't talk to me. Sebastian, the only person who listened (he also punched me in front of Kurt), just tried to kill himself. I just felt really sick. I still haven't visited them. I was just sitting in Andy's apartment when she came in and out. My thoughts were just spiralling. Sebastian was my bestest friend (he made fun of me a lot, but he was always there for me when we were kids…and now). My mind was just full of fluffiness. I didn't know what to do. How to feel. I just felt really like I can't pick up the pieces. Almost like I didn't have all the pieces to fix anything. And I didn't know what the pieces were supposed to make up, just that I needed to fix them.

So here was I, sitting here, waiting for a miracle. Andy to call me and tell me Bas woke up.

When Andy came back to pick up some things for Bas, I shook my head at her selections. "He hates that sweater. He says it's really itchy," my mind remembered every single layer of clothing he'd worn since the beginning of summer and I found myself helping Andy arrange things over and over again until I got everything he just loved to fit into a duffel bag. My stomach was pulsing with pain. Andy stared back at me, and then shook her head at me, disappointed at me hiding.

I always hid. From my bullies. I wasn't strong. I was so weak. I can be broken with a link, and a chain. Everything just _hurt_. Andy was looking at me for a moment, eyes hardening with every second. "You know—if Sebastian asks where you are, I'll tell him."

I nodded my head. He'd know. He'd know why. He'd probably call me a sensitive loser. I wondered when the tables turned and I was the bad one. I was always the victim, then with Kurt, and now with Sebastian. I just can't do anything _right_. I hurt. I wanted to call someone and have them reassure me. That someone was always Sebastian. He never really reassured me. He spat out words as thick as ice, but it was better than being alone. Now, I was always alone. I just wanted someone to hold onto right now, but there was literally no one. Kurt had Blaine. Blaine had Kurt. I can't break that relationship up again. I already prodded at it way too much…and…me. I was just really sick right now. I just can't sleep. I was so tired, but if I saw Sebastian, I'll throw up. And I didn't eat anything to throw up anything.

_"You short, disgusting, fat, slutty, unlovable bitch…" _I heard his voice ring into my head every day. It killed me that I can't change the person in the mirror. It killed me that he used the words that were always running in my head, voiced them out. Now, they were real. They weren't just in my head. They were real because Sebastian noticed it too. I was short. I was shorter than Blaine was. I felt like all the clothes in the world could've cover me up. The hoodie I wore right now wasn't doing anything to my body. It wasn't concealing _enough_. Nothing could. I was unwanted, unloved. That was just so true. I was pushed away like nothing all of the time. It hurt. It hurt so much. And what was I doing here when Sebastian was in the hospital? Pitying myself. I just laid down on the bed day in and day out. Pinching my fat, thinking, hurting – I forgot when was the last time I slept, or ate. I just—_"Nobody's ever going to love you, you know?"_

"You're a good person, Chandler. Stop screwing it up," Andy practically growled at me before she left. She shut the door. I was just left with silence again. I found about forty dollar on the dresser in Blaine's room. I pulled a lightweight grey coat over my dark-coloured hoodie, and fixed up my glasses. I called for a cab. I asked them to take me to the hospital. The fare cost around thirty dollars, because of the heavy traffic. I didn't care. Left with a ten I shoved in my pockets, I knew the room memorised by heart now. I stepped inside…and it was like all of the nightmares came to life at once. I can feel my face paling. I can feel my blood coming to a standstill, almost as if the universe was just drawing up to its close.

I lost it by then.

I practically threw myself over towards Sebastian, my head pressed up against his stomach – way too cold for my taste, and almost as if he can just sense my presence, he placed a hand on my hair, taking a handful of my hair. Andy was stunned. I just let my hot tears burn into the soft fabric of the hospital gown. Everything was just silence for those few moments that we were just in that still trance. I was still waiting but I didn't know for what. "Sebastian," I choked out.

"_My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came_," he drew out in a stupor, running his hand through my hair. I looked back up at him, his face was stoic, plastered with nothing, and hot, fresh tears in his eyes, freely falling. "You idiot," he called me out, and I shook my head, as I hugged him as tightly as I could, burying my head in his chest, as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I love you, you jerk."

Sebastian shook his head, more tears spilling. "I know, you idiot. I _know_. You're a piece of work, you know that?"

I could do nothing but nod my head as I rested it on his shoulder. "So many wires," I mumbled. I hated feeling them. I hated knowing just how close he was to dying. Just a moment's close from it. He ran his hand through his hair.

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna die," he said, mostly to me, rather than to himself. "Who else would be there to taunt you when you wear that stupid fucking blazer that you think makes you look cool? It's not cool."

It felt so messy and wrong, feeling his tears, him feeling mine. His wet cheek, the wires, the fact that he wasn't wearing that Dalton blazer he always met up with me in, the fact that he was dressed in something he would normally call a dress. The weird white thing on his finger as he ran his hand through my hair. It felt wrong, almost like it wasn't natural at all. Like the whole world was just snapping itself on a ledge. "I wasn't here before," I admitted.

"I know, because you're a damn coward is what you are, Chandler and…" his face plastered with some sort of emotion that I can't register, lips small, pulling inward, eyes wide with thought, making them appear even greener than they were.

"…I think I'm okay with that. Hell, I am," he added the last bit with a smirk. "What else can I tease you about?"

I laughed. It was so wrong. It felt so wrong, but he clung onto me tighter, like I was his lifeline, the only thing that kept him breathing. I can feel eyes on us, and I can almost feel Blaine watching us, our weird nearly endearingly bitter relationship that was so shaky it spun without anything to hold it up. "And what the fuck are you doing?" he suddenly snarled, catching me off guard. "Did you _look_ at yourself, Chandler? You look like Hell. You don't even like hoodies. Neither you, nor Hummel and you're wearing one and a coat on top? What are you hiding?"

He reached up to tug at the coat away, and then pulled off the hoodie slightly to see that I was wearing a shirt underneath. He shook his head, mumbling something about the weather and throwing it away. "I bought you that," he said, inspecting the shirt as if he'd seen it just now. "It didn't fit you."

I blushed and he shook his head. "It's hanging off you right now."

I nodded slowly. I can't lie to Sebastian. That was just how it was always been. He looked back down at his lap. "Fuck it, Chandler, how long had it been since you ate?" I shrugged. He looked at me like I was insane. His eyes widened until he slapped me. I looked down, cupping where he had slapped me at, feeling how bad it stung as Sebastian ran his hand through my hair, looking at my face with tear-filled eyes.

"You idiot," he just said again. "Chandler, you aren't going to pull a disappearing act on me. Fuck it. You are _not_ Charlotte."

I nodded my head slowly. He just stared back at me.

"Chandler, you're barely five-foot-seven and weigh one-thirty-six. Where do you want to disappear to exactly?"

"I don't know," I suddenly blurted out, unable to handle with _that_ look that Sebastian was given me. He brought me just a bit closer, almost as if I was the one that was lying in that hospital bed right now. In the moment, I didn't know what was happening before it did, as Sebastian pressed a very soft kiss towards the apple of my cheek, pulling himself away from me.

He stared at me for a while. It felt like eternity. I didn't know what to do, or how to react to having Sebastian show me any gesture of affection. He laid his head up against my cheek. I looked down at him. "She wouldn't have wanted you to do it." I suddenly whispered.

"She hates me. She hates everyone. She can't love anything. And I'm just like her," he responded easily. Sebastian was staring back at me, with those words he always repeated and then I opened my mouth to speak but Sebastian cut me off before I even started. "And don't even say that I love Blaine." His voice was heavy and I can feel the heat rushing to his face.

"You do," I chuckled sadly. "And you love me too."

"You're nothing to me," he said, voice empty, like he didn't want to believe it either.

"Okay," I nodded my head. And we sat down there, waiting together for something.

In a few moments, they'd go a blood test. I'd match Sebastian's blood type. I'd sign papers to do a transfusion. Andrea, being a part of my family, gave me consent, and then showed my Mother's medical papers, explaining my situation. I didn't want to call my Father and tell him I was giving Sebastian one of my organs. He'd kill me. Andy would shoot me a look of pure and utter remorse towards me. Maybe it all came towards a blur when Sebastian would be staring at me.

The nurse disappeared to call the surgeons. I threw off the gown at the nurse's orders, slightly jittery, and watched as Sebastian stood up from his place, still in gown, running his hand threw my hipbones. I stared back at him. He cupped my cheek. "So, _you're_ giving me half your liver?" he mused, and I slowly nodded my head, before his hand fell from my cheek towards my shoulder and he leaned in, and captured our lips together. His hand sunk lower, bringing my form closer towards him and I knew even through the emptiness, I found what I was waiting for.

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_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	22. Chapter 22 – Count Your Lucky Stars

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_Chapter 22 – Count Your Lucky Stars_

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_Trent's POV_

The thing about me that all the Warblers told me that I was really easy to talk to. Like ridiculously easy to talk to. I guessed that was why Blaine was talking to me, spilling out secret after secret, as quickly as it took for a glass of water to be filled. I sipped the frappuccino Jeff had gotten me, with the blonde sitting beside me. I had insisted to Blaine that he included David, Jeff and I in this conversation. It had been an hour and Blaine wouldn't stop talking. He sounded so freaked out, like his entire world fell apart.

The last time he sounded like that when he was sure that Kurt and him were going to break out over the Chandler thing. Of course, when I mentioned that, he went into fits and launched a whole story about Chandler and Sebastian being related, plastering shock on my face as he went on explaining about how Sebastian tried to kill himself by drinking too much. Jeff's eyes were burning with a load of tears, as he whispered.

"I told you we shouldn't have sent him the 'okay' to drink that much…" Jeff's voice was very low, the way it got when he was truly upset about something.

I found myself unable to smile. Blaine then ended his long rant with soft words. "Trent, they won't stop shoving cameras down my face. Wherever I go, God, I wish they thought I sounded like crap right now…I wish I didn't know how to act." He laughed and I knew what usually followed _that_ laugh, a wave of hot, fresh tears running down his face as quickly as possible. He was still talking directly to me even though he knew Jeff and David were there too. David was silent through it and Jeff made the occasional gasps and small comments.

"I'm _seventeen_. I feel…like they snatched away everything from me. I'm _seventeen_. Just _barely_. I can't take it. I can't take Kurt hating me – even though we 'made up', I know he's silently resenting everything…I can't take that Cooper might've killed himself from all the alcohol and I was just too scared to confront him about it. Courage, ha! Not with me! Not anymore! Trent, I'm going crazy. I'm literally just…I can't stand it anymore. _I just can't stand it anymore_. I'd rather go to a thousand Sadie Hawkins Dances and get beat up ten thousand times worse for the rest of my life than live another day feeling like _this_…"

I did the only logical thing I can do. "Blaine." I took a deep breath. "Calm down."

Instead, I heard Blaine merge into fits of sobs. "Trent, Trent, my big brother is breaking and falling apart in front of my eyes. And I don't know what to do. The whole world knows how my body looks like. I punched Sebastian over and over until he decided to kill himself. Kurt was being bullied because of me. And there's another feature in this tabloid I'm reading that I am too freaked out to read," he told me through the phone.

"Okay. Let's read it together. Jeff has enlisted on getting every tabloid in the world after the whole…Scandals incident."

Jeff brought his impressive collection of tabloids. Just to think, they were after just a week or so of collection. Blaine told me the name and the page, and I flipped towards it. "What is it?" Blaine said, obviously not wanting to look at it himself. I looked down to see a picture of Blaine – one with him kissing a black-haired girl that Kurt had once introduced me as Rachel Berry. I bit my lower lip. They were trying to tone down his gay image, by taking a few shots when he was drunk? I shook my head quickly.

"Er…remember the party…in Rachel's house…?" I can only assume. I knew Kurt told me she had an obsession with stars and from what I saw in the stage, there were many star-decorated candles in the table in front of them. Whoever took the picture was obviously drunk because it was tilted and blurred to a bit, but the media will take what it can get.

"_That kiss_!" he immediately realised. "Oh my God. What do the headlines say?"

"_Hunger Games star Blaine Anderson – gay or straight_?" I read out with pure and utter revolt. "Inside source: _Rachel Berry_."

"Rachel," he growled. "What…what else?" now, his voice was nearing full-blown anxiety.

"Not anything else." I told him. "That's it…but…I think you should flip to the tele and go on _E!_ right about now."

My eyes were glued on the screen as I heard Blaine flip channels, still keeping his phone glued to his ear as I stared at the screen, mesmerised.

"Hunger Games star Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel's relationship sounds perfect," the black-haired reporter called Crista had said, "but in fact, it is a disastrous relationship. Kurt Hummel is not good for Blaine Anderson. He is _obsessive_, and _controlling_. Now, let's recap from our inside sources Santana Lopez and Jacob Ben Israel, shall we?"

It flashed to a _real_ clip of Kurt looking up at…_Finn_. Oh my God. This was when he was a quarterback and virtually really mean or I hoped not. I really hoped not. I can suddenly remember being in McKinley all over again and Puck throwing me in the dumpster and calling me names and Rick the Stick grabbing onto my stomach and going all 'they build them this fat, look, Finn!', and even though Finn never mentioned my weight for some reason, he still slushied me so many times I swore I can still feel the ice on my face whenever I looked back at those horrible memories that I hoped to never remember as long as I existed. Kurt told me about Santana, as Crista had mentioned she was inside source to it all. She didn't like Finn a lot, especially since he outed her out and whilst that was wrong, I couldn't help but feel like Santana wasn't completely innocent. I felt everything get icier in my stomach. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe anything.

Kurt started mumbling things about Quinn and the baby – _baby_! He knocked up the most popular girl in school!? – my mind was flustering with horror and my face with heat, and Kurt said something like it might make Finn want to give up women all together with a chuckle and then it flashed towards the choir room and Kurt telling Finn his problem was women. It flashed to a conference where Kurt was letting Burt meet Carole and then it flashed back towards the woman, whom was standing there. A sudden wedding photo of Carole and Burt appeared and she began to speak. "Finnegan Hudson has been victimised by this oh-so-very-harmless young gentleman, Kurt Hummel, and whilst this boy claimed to be fighting stereotypes…"

She waited for a few photos of Kurt to pop out, wearing Gay Pride all over him, the 'I Like Boys' t-shirt, a clip of him telling Mercedes Jones – beautiful, amazing woman – that he was gay and that was just who he was – a couple of flashy, gaudy outfits that made my stomach turn especially when she flipped of one of them where he was wearing a corset and then I bit my lower lip. "…and preaches about how you cannot choose to be gay, and then _tries_ to turn his now stepbrother _Finn_. As you can see, this boy has made a mockery of the marriage system, by introducing his Father to the woman to get closer to the quarterback—"

I can't believe it. This Santana girl was using Kurt and Blaine's worldwide known popularity to humiliate Finn and Kurt at once, to get back as some sort of revenge for the awkward-standing boy I met that assured me he wasn't going to hit me. Feeling suddenly ten thousand times sicker than I was, I watched my frappe melt as the news continued, animatedly explaining more details. "Furthermore, said Kurt and Finn have been told to have very 'special warm milk chats'—"

I couldn't believe they were practically making their bonding sound weird, abnormal and wrong on national television, "—and Kurt has watched senselessly as his own supposed stepbrother that he used to 'love' has been 'senselessly abusing' his girlfriend, Rachel Berry."

My mouth hung open right now. Even I knew Finn Hudson would never ever hit a girl, he barely was able to target most of us with slushies and walked away guiltily. "This boy had lied to having sexual intercourses with said Santana Lopez. I have come to think he might have actually raped her." My mouth hung open as I stared back at the screen. That woman was her Mother, wasn't she? Of course, there would be strong favour towards Santana in her opinions, her invalid opinions. "He had dated said Rachel Berry to get 'one in for the team', taking advantage of her infatuation. He does not like her wearing clothes that make her confident because he will have more competition." Now, it showed her walking around the school in an outfit that made me think of Brittany Spears. "She has told him she wanted to have sex when she turned twenty-five and they were married, but he is completely opposed to this idea, and just 'wants to get into her pants'. He had called her a 'sad, clown hooker' when she tries to dress to impress him. He did not respect her opinions when she wanted to date this boy called Jesse, which registers him as possibly clingy and stalker-like. And this is the kind of boy that Kurt Hummel is attracted to…whereas the poor Blaine Anderson…as you can see by recent tabloids could provide a beautiful relationship with Rachel Berry."

It flashed to the picture on the tabloid of him kissing Rachel. "Can you see how carefree this kiss was? I was also given to me by the same resources, videos of them singing to a song called 'Don't You Want Me?' by the Human League, which suggests possible blooming romances. Kurt Hummel does want to turn people gay and by our sources, it was confirmed that he was unsupportive of Blaine when thought of as bisexual—"and then there was a small clip to highlight that. "So, really, can you trust Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson's relationship together?"

At that final note, I shut the television and there was just silence. I forgot that my phone was glued to my ear until I heard Blaine's breathing on the other line.

"Calm down, Blaine."

"How can I calm down?" Blaine's voice was staggering. "Did you hear _any_ of that, Trent? They're practically all encouraging me to throw myself towards Rachel, forget Kurt because he made just a few mistakes that don't account for anything right now…" he was close to breaking right now. I can tell.

"Blaine," I called out.

"Trent, you're one of my best friends, you know that?" he suddenly said, and I could almost taste his insecurity on his tongue. "Don't ever change," he added on afterwards.

"I won't," I felt the weight of the world heavy on my chest, almost as if he also hoped that I would save everything, but I couldn't. This wasn't a simple 'just ignore them talking to you, Blaine' when I advised him before he went to McKinley. I showed him how to wipe away the slushies off his clothes, and I told him to bring extra ones and hide him in his locker just in case. He always commended me for helping him with that, but that was all I could do but now, I was too far away from him. I couldn't do _anything_. All I could really do was hope that nothing had changed, that he was okay, that he will remain fine.

I better count my lucky stars that he was strong enough to power through, our Blainey.

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


	23. Chapter 23 – You & I

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_Chapter 23 – You & I_

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_Jeff's POV_

I called Nick and I told him everything.

"Wait," he began, voice sounding a little unsure, as he recapped on everything. "So, Blaine's – _our Blaine's_ – life falling into pieces, _Sebastian_ tried to _kill himself_, Kurt's being bullied because of tabloid talk and is being targeted along with Finn by the media, Rachel's being glamorised through a picture of her and Blaine kissing and Cooper – the boy that used to tell me to find confidence in myself – is an _alcoholic mess_?"

"Uh huh," my voice was low. It hurt hearing it all up again. Even the yummy toffee I was munching on didn't make me feel any better, but it usually did. I let the sweetness burn against my tongue, the explosive taste rendering me to a reality of weak pleasure as Nick spoke again to shatter said beautiful pleasurable toffee fantasy.

Nick was breathing heavily over the phone, just like he did when he got seriously pissed. "Where's David who said he won't ever let anything hurt our little leader? Where's Wes that used to take care of Blaine as much as possible? Where's Trent that used to worship the ground that Blaine walked on? Where's Thad that used to silently wonder if Blaine was sick when he got all flustered and weak? Where are you, Jeffy?"

"Nick, they're in LA—"

"Honey," Nick breathed out again, and my heart fluttered at the nickname, even though it was full of sarcasm, stabbing me with pain. "The Warblers aren't poor people. They're rich. They can do whatever they want. The fact that David didn't book a plane, or anyone didn't, astounds me to no end. I was just informed of this. I'm in _France_, Jeff. I don't know what's going on." He sounded hurt at the end, almost as if he expected me to call him sooner. I turned away.

"I'll call you back, Jeff," Nick sounded so hurt at the end, as he clicked his phone shut.

I was in thought for a moment. We all had the money. Momma and Dad had their emergency business trip and if I called them right now, maybe they'll let me. I knew that David's parents were really nice – his Momma called me Jeffy like I was one of her own – Trent's parents were really nice too. Actually, now that I thought about it, all the parents I knew were really nice except for Sebastian's, which made my stomach hurt inside out, as I picked up my bag of toffees. I walked down the Warbler hall, passing by David, whom was asleep on the couch, with a book sprawled out on his lap, Trent, whom was working on something on a notebook – no doubt a new design, Trent was really good at designing things and Kurt once told him he hoped Trent made his wedding tuxedo.

I stepped inside of the quaint little reception room and saw Leila standing there. She looked up from the mound of papers she was signing. Leila had really beautiful curly blonde hair, and wore thick-framed glasses, just like Blaine and Sebastian (shh! Nobody knew! Blaine thought it made look even dorkier and Bas just threatened me…), and then she nodded towards me. "What can we do for you, Jeffery?" her voice was soft, and sweet, as she greeted me.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I want to make a few calls."

She nodded, and pointed towards the room, allowing me to walk in unauthorised. I walked inside of the room and she let me shut the door. I sat on the golden-lined chair, and then picked off the white phone, suddenly relieved I knew the Warblers so well that I knew their phone numbers by heart. I quickly typed the number and then called, hearing the phone ring. I wanted to ask the rest of the Warbler's parents first, then mine. "Hey, Mr Nixon!" I greeted him with as much enthusiasm as I can muster (which was a lot).

He chuckled. "Jeffery?"

"Yes!" I then waited for a few moments. "Mr Nixon, is it weird that I'm planning on a LA trip and hoping that I can take Trent with me? We're gonna be on set with Blaine 'cause he's got this really huge role and there's Kurt's stepmom and everything! Plus, you have my number and Trent's if you need us?"

Okay, it wasn't exactly what a parent wanted to hear, but truthfully, Warbler parents were different. Some of them, like Sebastian and Nick, had parents that dropped them off for a year and took them in for summer or not, like this time. Dalton was a boarding school. Of course, the parents trusted the children to be on their own. Flights were something like taking a bus from here and there and that was cool sometimes (like that time Nick, Blaine and I went to Vegas and Nick tattooed Tim Burton on his back…oh, and Blaine lost 10,000 dollars on poker in one night, and we had to sleep in cardboard boxes for the rest of the week because Blaine was petrified of what his parents were going to say—boy, Blaine did some crazy stuff when he was really, really drunk, like touch Nick's butt, a lot, and he made out with me many times)—

"Jeffery, do you even have to ask? How much does he need?"

"I dunno. Can you call him on his personal cell?"

The next half an hour was pretty tedious, with me calling them and them agreeing and saying they'll send money and things. I was pretty much shocked right now that I thought about it. They can go to Blaine in a minute's time, but why didn't they? David had Katherine problems and Trent was preoccupied with his designing, but was it really enough to not go to Blaine when he needed them? I was pretty weirded out, and kinda sad, because all they had to do was ask. Momma had simply warned me about not getting too drunk this time and Dad chuckled and told me not to gamble too much. I wandered off towards the hall, ready to confront my friends that really hurt me this time, before I got a call, and my stomach suddenly did flip-flops when the caller ID appeared before me, causing me to be slightly abrupt as I answered.

"Jeffery!" the voice on the other end was definitely frantic. "Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, oh my God—oh my God…"

"_What_?" I was suddenly aware of how frazzled and nervous Blaine's voice was, almost as if he had been too long on set and they told him something really bad, and I kinda didn't doubt that to be the situation. I bit at my lower lip, feeling my eyes widen at the sudden urgency in Blaine's voice.

"My director was happy about my acting, but come the fight scenes and…I'm useless with these boots. He wants me to do an osteodistraction!"

Almost immediately, did I place my phone on my shoulder, open my room, shut the door and walk towards my Lenovo, and quickly started to type 'osteodistraction' on web as Blaine continued to scream agitatedly, knowing that Blaine forgot I had a 2.64 GPA – how come all the rest of the Warblers were really smart? Blaine and Nick had a _4.0 GPA_! How was that even _possible_?

"Jeff, I never ever thought they'd ever do anything like _this_. Really."

Hearing the Nick face roll his eyes as I picked a Wikipedia page. I scanned it with eager eyes. _Distraction osteogenesis, also called callus distraction, callotasis, and osteodistraction, is a surgical process used to reconstruct skeletal deformities and lengthen the long bones of the body. A corticotomy is used to fracture the bones into two segments and the two bone ends of the bone are gradually moved apart during the distraction phase, allowing new bone to form in the gap. When the desired or possible length is reached, a consolidation phase follows in which the bone is allowed to keep healing_—my mind reeled. 2.64 GPA or not, the word 'surgical', 'fracture' and 'painful' met my mind quickly.

"Blainey…they want you to do surgery so you can get taller?" I finally asked, and when I was met with no answer, I knew that they wanted him to. My eyes widened in shock. "Blaine, you don't have to be 5'10 like Peeta! That's really crazy of them to tell you to add two or three inches just so you can fit the role, okay? You're really perfect Blainey!"

All I could hear was how empty Blaine sounded. "I think that's not a choice, Jeff."

"Oh my God…Blaine…" my mind was numb. I couldn't think. The thought of Blaine having to go through all that pain just so he can grow a couple of inches. Suddenly, my mind was buzzed with memories of picking up Blaine and then twirling him around because he was short and light, and I had really good arms from tennis practice. I remembered when Nick was standing beside him, and I'd think he was the cutest thing ever because he made Blaine look so cute and tiny, even though Nick was only two inches and a half taller than him. I remembered how cute it was when Thad made a really snide comment about Blaine needing to stand on a stool to be noticed—and now, too clear images of Blaine lying down, with his bones having to be separated just so they can grow him a few inches, having to see at him at eye level wasn't going to be fun because it wasn't Blaine. It was like they were slowly stripping away the foundation of Blaine just because they could.

"You and I can do something…no…Blaine, they _can't_."

I thought of all the hurt Blaine had gone through recently, with Sebastian and Cooper being hospitalised becoming such a hot topic. There were so many bad remarks outside when I walked out, about Blaine being so much better because he didn't drink like Cooper (it was a lie! The only thing that stopped Blaine from being an alcoholic were the Warblers—why didn't we do the same for Sebastian? Was it because he scared us?) …Sebastian seemed so much in control but he was one of the most out of control people I knew. Now, that I was believing it all slowly—I was angry at the Warblers, at myself, at anyone and everyone for not noticing the signs that Sebastian needed help. That Sebastian was just throwing himself under random strangers, that he drank and came back late and just spent the rest of the night throwing up because he just got _that_ drunk every time he went out… the way he never told us anything about his family, and who he was related to or who he knew that we should've taken into prospect, because I can ask Trent anything about his parents and he'd answer back without even looking up from his notebook.

I should've noticed. We should've noticed…

And Blaine. Blaine needed us, right now. "I think I have to, Jeff," he sounded so uncertain, which was so unlike Blaine. Blaine knew everything…

"No," my voice was too weak to suggest that I can fight for him.

"Jeff—"

"_No_!" I finally exploded, with a lot of meaning and fury behind my voice. I can get really scary when I wanted to but I didn't usually want to. "We _will_ find a way if so God help me, Blaine. We will find a way. You are _not_ going to throw yourself _under the knife_ just because a couple of disgusting bastards decided you'd look more like an imaginary character if you grew a few inches taller!"

This kind of screaming made some people like Blaine silent, because they weren't used to me acting like this. I was pretty cute and adorable most of the time (modest much, Jeffy?), but when I got angry, I just got filled with this white-hot rage and I wouldn't want anyone in the world in my path. Like this time. Like when a few guys thought they can punch Nick and not get me to go after them. Nick and Blainey and Trent are like my babies, and I can't let them get hurt. With Trent, I just got him a lot of frappuccinos, toffee and pasta, because I knew Trent loved stuff like that! (Yes, it was fattening but there was nothing ever wrong with Trent in my eyes!) He can weigh nine hundred pounds and I wouldn't care any less and nobody else should. If they did, then they should just pick their bags up and leave, because they didn't deserve him. Sometimes I really wished I can tell him that, because it hurt my heart seeing him take that frappuccino like it was suddenly a fat cell in his body, but he liked it. He liked how it tasted. And I noted he relaxed a bit afterwards.

Nick.

Nick was my lifeline. He was the only thing in the world that was worth a smile and a half, and all the sunshine combined because that was just what Nick was – my sunshine. And when anyone just tried to hurt him, I couldn't stand it. Nick barely ever dated – there was a 'Jeff Sterling approval' stance, and I wasn't joking but none of the Warblers knew I was just this overprotective of Nick. I can't have him date just anyone and his Mother and Father trusted me with him as much as they trusted themselves, even more. They knew I took care of Nick. They knew I was practically madly in love with Nicholas Tristan Duval and I wouldn't have him any other way, and that if I can, I would just buy him an entire continent (with loads of chocolate and unicorn and caramel!) to shower Nick with and make him happy. Nick was pretty much rarely happy, but he sung, he was all smile-y and beautiful and I just couldn't take my eyes off him. It hurt me to think that something before had affected him enough that he wouldn't be able to let go without worrying that something would happen. He hadn't talked to me about that but I wasn't going to pressure him, really. Nicky was my bestest, and my closest.

Blaine came in very closely as second. I never saw him as a love interest, because he was the first person I ever met in Dalton and I thought he was a cute little penguin brother thing and I just wanted to help him. The more I got to know Blaine, the more I wanted to protect him too. Kurt really wasn't freaked anymore if I'd call him suddenly and ask him about how Blainey was doing…which made me feel so ashamed that I hadn't thought of going there myself, doing something myself. _Look at where it spiralled to. Look at what they're making Blaine do_! I was suddenly jittery, as if I wasn't there now, Blaine would be shoved underneath that table and be made to have his perfect little figure destroyed by the hands of those disgusting people.

Nick had sent me a text message: _pick me up from the airport tomorrow at 8PM. We're going to LA a few days after. All of us. No excuses this time._

I answered back quick: _OK, Nicky! Just called everyone's parents so they're sending money on our way via my Dad. He said it should be here tomorrow-ish and he'll book the nearest flight possible – Dad's real good at that xo love you, Nicky._

Then I thought for a moment before sending another text: _Nicky, are you really angry at me?_

He sent another one after this one, as quickly as a text from France to Ohio went through: _Jeff, I'm just really angry right now, so I don't know if I'm angry at you or the Warblers or just anyone._

I felt my stomach hurt. Nick was one of those moments. Angry, but only to mask the fact that he was really hurt. Nick was going to help us get things in prospect now - I really hoped. Nick got this way sometimes, when he'd take over authority, when nobody else fitted, and it made me feel so sick that he had to do it in these kinds of situations. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. _Why were we so blind?_ Did we feel like we were nothing without Blainey when he left? Which is why we clung onto Sebastian, who really hurt Blaine and slushied him and almost made him lose an eye…I thought we just weren't the same after Blaine left, after Sebastian took over. _The one who used to order you around for coffee for fun tried to kill himself, Jeffery_. The cold reality hit me again, sinking in as hard as possible as I felt thickness into my eyes.

I just called my Momma right now. I was pretty lost. "Jeff?"

"Momma, they're making Blainey do a surgery so he can get taller and they have to cut his leg and they have to separate his bones and _I don't know what to do_…" it was stupid, whining like this, but she didn't mind and I was seriously lost. I needed someone to tell me all the answers or else I didn't know what to do. Sometimes, I wanted everything printed in papers in front of me so I can understand everything.

"Jeffery, calm down," my Mother was trying to assure me with her strong, slightly full of authority voice. "Now, why are they making Blaine do the surgery?"

"Because he's short!" I exclaimed back, not caring if I sounded like a flailing child. "And Dad said he's gonna book me tickets to LA and called Trent, David and Thad's Dads and told them he was paying but they had to pay him back at the end of the year 'cause he was feeling 'generous' and the others didn't know how much money they were supposed to send and…"I chortled. My Father got this periods of generosity where you can just ask him for anything and he'd say as, almost as if he wanted to throw money away and it was okay, since we were all practically rich and we can help each other and pay off for each if someone else needed to.

"Jeffery," her voice was softer now. I didn't think it was possible since her voice was naturally soft and beautiful. "You're going to go see him, aren't you?"

"Uh huh, Momma. I was really blind and I didn't see that I can just go to LA myself…it was completely at the back of my head and I don't know why because before, a year ago, when something like this would've happened, we would've sped off but it's senior year over with and I'm not gonna see these people again and ever since Blaine left, everything's been a giant mess and I don't know, because Blaine deserves more. I can't believe we let this happen. _Blaine's like my little brother_…" I didn't have to give her a lecture on how important that was to me, because Momma had a miscarriage twice, and all of them were going to be my brothers, so I was pretty much a lonely child, which was why I was pretty much spoiled rotten. Families like Thad's had so many people that he was really left out sometimes which didn't bother him anymore but they bothered _me_ a lot. "I just don't know if I can fix this! I don't fix things. Nick does and Nick's pretty freaked out right now and Momma_, I love him_ and I hate it when he gets like this."

Momma knew I loved Nick from two years ago when I started to talk about him like he was the only thing in the world, and then a few weeks later when I was okay with telling Momma about my adventures with Nick, she invited him for dinner and he…well, he got food poisoning and spent the next three days on bed rest at my house and my Momma still apologised because she said that Nick was a really good guy and she knew it right from when he offered to clean the plates for her even though he was a vomiting mess (I just hated it when Nick got sick! It made him go _really pale_ and he lost _so_ much weight).

"Just calm down, Jeffery. You knew when you were lost when your squirrel died?"

"But this isn't a squirrel! This is Blaine!"

"You'll find it out, honey. You always do." She said with a soft voice and I sighed, knowing this was the only thing she'll keep saying until I shut my phone, but I took her words reassuringly. I was going to fall asleep, but then I let that white-hot rage take the best of me, stand up. I suddenly remembered my call with Thad, telling him everything and every curse word he used. I remembered how furious he was, and my blood with boiling with just the same fury, as I stood up and walked down the hallways, on my way to the Warbler's hall. I strode inside of the room, shut the door behind me, determined to confront my fellow Warblers once and for all.

I shut the door behind me, causing a startled Trent to sit up straight. I loved him, but he had to hear the harsh truth. I was crossing my arms and David quickly said a 'talk to you later, Kathy' and then shut the phone. "Yes, Jeff?" he raised an eyebrow at me.

"I called Nick today." David flinched, almost as if he knew what I was going to say. "How come none of us ever pitched the idea of going to LA? And don't you dare give me that bullshit about parental approval – you more so David because you went to England on the holidays!"

I didn't expect tears to burn into David's eyes. "Jeffery, there is nothing we can do!" he exclaimed. "Blaine is strong…he's a Warbler, he'll make it out on his own—"

Trent was shrinking under the fight and I finally blurted it out on my lips, the nightmare that will haunt me right now for weeks unless I corrected it. "The studio people are making Blaine do a surgery just so he can get taller."

David was thrown back by this. Trent's eyes widened significantly. David bit down his lower lip, and then nodded off towards me. He wiped away the tears falling from his eyes. "Okay." I didn't elaborate on anything else. There was something seriously going on with David and Katherine, something that was making David act as if he was a confined man to his will, as if he can't do anything anymore. Trent noticed it too as he walked towards David and gave him a hug. For the first time in what was years, David Thompson did not pull back.

* * *

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


End file.
